


Sending Smoke Signals

by powerfulantidote



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Drug Addiction, M/M, Mentions of Suicide Attempts, Mystery, Pining, Psychological Trauma, Reunions, Slow Burn, Supernatural Elements, Trauma, a brief halak, dunking on jake once every five hundred words, guys being dudes, inaccuracies about national parks, past unhealthy relationships, stealing a lot from pop culture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-12 15:02:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 48,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22457392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/powerfulantidote/pseuds/powerfulantidote
Summary: In the summer of 1993, fourteen-year-old Danton Heinen disappeared without a trace in the Idaho Panhandle National Forests. He was found two weeks later, twenty miles from his cabin, with no memory of where he’d been and no evidence to help police figure it out. The last person Danton saw before his disappearance was childhood best friend and summer resident of a neighboring cabin, Sean. It was the last time the two would see each other for 8 years.Now, Sean is fresh out of college and ready to celebrate with two boozed-up weeks with his best friends at his parent's cabin. Danton is hired by the National Park Service as a fire lookout, trying to move on from the disappearance that altered his life. Neither comes back to Cooper Point, Idaho, looking for answers, but the longer they stay, the more questions they have. Something was in these woods eight years back, something that may have never left.
Relationships: Danton Heinen/OMC, Danton Heinen/Sean Kuraly, Sean Kuraly/OFC
Comments: 49
Kudos: 47





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> me: I promise i won't write another 234284724983 word fic about Danton and Sean working through individual hardships and systematic issues through love for each other and friendship  
-three drinks later-
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS: discussions of drug addiction, suicide, past unhealthy relationships are throughout the fic but are only in detail in flashbacks that are italicized when Danton has them if you wanna skip those. Usually, I try being more specific than that but it's way too frequent in this fic. However, if you have any specific or further questions you can reach me at powerfulantidote on Tumblr and I have no problem clarifying any of these further. Take care of yourself.
> 
> A lot of this fic is inspired by the videogames Firewatch and Night In The Woods. You should play them, but you don't need to in order to understand this fic. Title comes from the Phoebe Bridgers song of the same title.

Sean notices the deer just in time to hit the brakes and send everyone in the car flying. 

“Are you trying to get us all killed?” Torey yells as he braces, palms slamming against the dashboard.

In the backseat, Jake and Chris scramble to upright their bags while muttering curse words to themselves. The deer looks at Sean with big, innocent eyes. It holds the stare until Sean beeps the horn, running back towards the treeline like it doesn’t even realize it nearly died. 

Heavy breaths and a few seconds pass before Sean sits upright and lets his foot off the brake. “What? Thought it would wake you guys up.” 

As a group, they’ve already flown from Columbus to Missoula, driven an hour from there, and still have another hour and a half of hiking through the woods to get to Sean’s cabin. The booze-filled celebration of college graduation has long worn off, and there’s a tiring day to deal with before they can begin to relax. 

“Come on, that’s pretty unfair to the deer,” Jake breaks the tension as Sean gets the car moving again. Humor at the most needed times is a DeBrusk specialty. “We already have that plan to feed Chris to a bear.”

“I’m going to throw myself to the bears after three days with you, Jake.”

“Can you guys wait until we get there to go all Lord of the Flies on each other?” Interrupts Torey, in between his own laughter. 

Sean would be lying if he said he wasn’t excited. They’ve been planning this trip since January. Sean’s parents offered to let them use the family cabin after graduation to celebrate surviving four years at Miami University together, and no one was going to say no to drinking in the woods with no cops nearby for two weeks. One last adventure before entering the real world. Whatever that is.

“Don’t worry, we’ll have fun,” Sean hears Torey say as he tunes back into the conversation. “We just gotta wear good shoes, stay hydrated, and if you think you see Bigfoot, it’s probably just Jake after not showering for a few days.” 

A crumpled up Dorito wrapper is thrown at the back of Torey’s head. 

Torey isn’t wrong; Sean feels himself getting more and more excited the closer they get to Cooper Point. Sean never thought he’d spend this long in The Middle Of Nowhere, Montana ever again, with three dudes and no sex, but he supposes that crazier things have happened. Like the time he had to pick up Torey and the guy he swears isn’t his boyfriend but totally is from an abandoned water tower, or when Chris beat the guy from 98 Degrees in trivia on Alumni Night. 

There’s an added layer for Sean, the only one who’s been to the forests of Idaho’s panhandle before. The one who visited every summer until his parents deemed it unsafe. Traveling up here used to be a summer-long adventure for Sean and his family; being away from his middle school friends for weeks didn’t even bother him. These woods seemed to have a certain magic of their own. He used to wish he could hide here in the pines year round

Things are certain to be different, returning eight years later, but Sean can’t help fantasizing about the past. 

_ “Are you going to teach your brother how to fish this year?” Asks Sean’s mother from the front seat, holding a large paper map across her lap. Not that they need it at this point. They’ve done the drive from the airport to the national park every year for as long as Sean’s been alive. _

_ Sean doesn’t want to spend the summer hanging with his kid brother, but he can’t exactly tell his mom that. He’s fourteen now, starting high school, and a little too old to be babysitting._

_“I don’t know, I’m not good at fishing. And I have other things I need to do.”_

_Of course, his mom knows what he wants to do and who he wants to see. She knows the routine. There are only six other cabins around, not all of them occupied all summer, but there’s always one boy his age in a cabin nearby. Family friends of the Kuralys. _

_“Well, Danton’s good at fishing, maybe he can show both of you.” It’s spoken to tease Sean more than anything and, well, it works. _

_She doesn’t know the real reason he’s embarrassed. How Sean spent a lot of the past year thinking about himself, and seeing his friends call other students they barely hung out with their girlfriends. How he’d see his friend holding some random girl’s hand and realize he wants to hold someone’s hand but whenever he imagines it, he’s with Danton. _

_Sean leans his head against the window and daydreams about him and Danton out on the lake, without his brother or anyone else, and the time they’re going to spend together. _

\---

TIME 14:30  
TEMPERATURE 72.0 °F  
MEAN WIND SPEED 8.75 MPH  
MAXIMUM WIND GUST 25.32 MPH  
HUMIDITY 26.7%  
PRECIPITATION 0.00 IN 

There’s been no rain since Danton arrived in Cooper Point sixteen days ago. He’s new at his job, but it doesn’t take a seasoned fire lookout to know dry weather is bad weather.

It’s a slow day. Most of the days out here are slow. Document the weather, listen to the radios, head to the Osborne FireFighter if you see smoke, keep the tower and weather instruments in shape. Hikers sometimes stop by, but they’re scarce. The only human contact Danton’s had has been with the other lookouts on the radio. 

That’s not an issue for him. It’s the appeal. 

_ June 10, 2001,_

_ Yesterday, I fixed the gutter on the west end of the tower. Not that we’re getting any rain. I have to go and get my food rations today, but I have some leftover from the last drop-off. I’m still never hungry. Three deer interrupted me when trying to bathe -- I thought that was a little rude. _

Danton’s therapist told him before he left that his journal entries should be more like a diary and less like a field report, but it’s easier said than done in the middle of nowhere. Therapy was all just talking about what Danton was or wasn’t feeling. Out here, it’s just him and nature, and nature doesn’t know or care what he’s feeling in the only way that could ever be comforting. 

It’s easier to let his feelings fade into simplistic coordinates and measurements. Danton taps the pen against his notebook, trying to think of anything interesting to put on the pages in front of him. He’d rather be boring. Interesting has only gotten him in trouble over the years. But he knows if he ignores it for too long, the math will stop adding up. 

A trail of smoke rising up from the treetops interrupts his train of thought. Saved by the bell. Danton’s never been so relieved to see a fire. 

The small, skinny line of gray smoke is definitely from a campfire, not anything wild. It’s still a little stronger than he’s comfortable with, considering the lack of rain. 

His supervisor notices, too. “Cassidy for Heinen, over.” 

“Go for Heinen, over,” Danton answers the radio, already putting on his shoes to head over. He hopes it’s not frat boys like it was last time. It’s too early in the day to be asked to shotgun Pabst and be called sir by someone the same age as him. 

“You spot smoke towards the second tip pond? You’re our closest guy. Can you just get the coordinates and stop the source, no report necessary. Over.” 

That’s the professional way of Cassidy asking Danton to yell at whatever campers set the fire and remind them of the ordinance. “On it, over.” 

Yelling at the teenage campers always makes Danton feel a lot older than 22. He’s the youngest lookout by far, but the ranger at the base calls him an old soul every time he goes to pick up food. 

Maybe it won’t be so bad. He could use some social interaction. With a sinking feeling, Danton realizes the coordinates for the smoke’s source are close to Sean’s parents’ old cabin. A name he’s recalled more often over the past sixteen days out here than he has in years. 

The unwritten memory plays in Danton’s head the rest of the hike.

_Danton is fourteen under a blanket with Sean on a wooden bench, chipped paint and rust digging into their legs. High school looms over them like the stars in Montana’s twilight, and it doesn’t seem so scary to be so far away from home with Sean by his side._

_ “I wish we went to the same school.” Sean sighs as they get further into the night. _

_ “Maybe we can go to the same college.” It’s not the first time the idea has been brought up; they’ve been returning to it all summer. _

_ Still, it makes Sean giddy. “Play hockey together in college, win nationals…”_

_ “I’ll assist on your game-winning goal,” Danton teases Sean as if he doesn’t daydream about celebrating in Sean’s arms one day. Whether that’s for an NCAA championship or the Cup or something else varies on how bold he feels in his imagination. _

_ “I’ll remember you when I get famous,” Sean shoots back, grinning mischievously. “Honestly, what do you see yourself doing after high school? If you can’t go pro?” _

_ “I don’t know. I don’t like school, but maybe I would if I studied something cool. Maybe, like, some kind of science? Something where I don’t have to talk to people.”_

_ Sean bursts out in laughter, even though Danton was only half-joking. He takes a moment to just appreciate the happiness from Sean, take it in before the summer ends._

_ “You’d still talk to me, right?” Sean asks with his best display of puppy dog eyes._

_ “Yeah. Just you and me, and a national championship.” _

\---

  
Jake ate all the marshmallows on the hike to the lake, which meant all there is left to do around the fire is drink. They’re fifteen minutes from the Kuraly cabin, but haven’t gotten a chance to do anything besides sleep, and the guys all wanted to stop and take pictures they’d never get developed anyway.

“Christ, did you pack everything?” Torey teases Chris as he bends down to light the stack of logs and branches Sean and Jake had piled together with his flint. There was an odd amount of firewood around, but the area was known for controlled burns.

“You never know when it’ll come in handy,” Chris replies. Sparks spread from the bottom up and catch quicker than expected. “Extra marshmallows would have come in handy right now.”

Unashamed, Jake pipes up, “It was pretty dumb for you guys to trust me to hold them.” 

“If you don’t eat anything poisonous by the end of this, it’ll be a miracle,” Sean sighs. Memories of being ten and getting tangled in poison ivy with his childhood best friend haunt him. An adult Jake infected would be twice as annoying to the group as him and Danton were to their parents back then. 

The group settles along the shimmering shore of the lake, stars above brighter than Sean’s seen in years. Miami University is rural compared to Columbus, but this is the middle of nowhere. Sean hasn’t been here since he was fourteen. His legs longer and shoulders wider, he takes the role his dad used to in carrying logs around the fire for Chris, Torey, and Jake to sit on. 

Chris cracks open a Pabst once they’ve all settled down. “I’m glad we made it out here as quick as we did so I can avoid everyone asking me what I’m gonna do next.”

Using his best career counselor voice, Torey replies “Mr. Wagner, what’s your five-year plan?” 

A smell pebble gets kicked at Torey and they laugh louder than they should for how unfunny it is. No one is here to hear them in these woods. They can be as loud as they please. 

“I think I’m gonna go into comedy. Probably the only thing I can do with an English degree,” answers Chris. 

“My five-year plan is to marry someone rich,” declares Jake after a long chug of beer. “You know, someone with like, three Poodles and a Pomeranian in their purse.”

Sean laughs, “You’re just describing a bougie dog shelter.” 

He’s glad they’re keeping it lighthearted. The question of what’s next has haunted Sean throughout his senior year of college, and lurked in the corners of his mind for longer. It echoes through the voices of his friends so passionate about the degrees they graduated with, it circles in his father’s eyes every time they talk about the future. 

Over 80,000 dollars of debt for a degree in mediocrity waits for Sean at home, and every job he could realistically get with a sports communications degree feels like a life sentence in depression around the life he wanted and didn’t get. But out here, there’s no money, no debt collectors, no phone for his parents to call. 

“Gentlemen,” an unfamiliar voice interrupts their exchange of insults. 

Standing over them is a park employee, arms wrapped protectively around his torso. He’s not a ranger; there’s no badge or stars like Sean remembers from when he was a kid. This guy – this kid, he looks so much younger than the people Sean usually sees working -- has an olive green jacket and a thin name badge that Sean can’t make out. 

Gentle blue eyes, blonde hair that curls around his ears and a slender nose Sean can just barely make out has his mind thinking the impossible on who might be there. With only the firelight illuminating the man above them, his eyes must be playing tricks on him. 

Jake salutes. “What can we help you with, officer?”

A gentle chuckle comes from the worker. “Fire lookout, not an officer. I’m not here to fine you or anything.” He puts his hands in his pockets, sheepish. “We haven’t had rain lately and are trying to be careful with campfires, just gonna ask you to control it a little better. I have some pamphlets of the ordinance we have in place if you’d like…” 

It’s endearing in a way that makes Sean’s heart ache like an old wound in the cold. 

Taking the pamphlets from the man standing before them, Chris answers while inspecting him. “Sure thing, Professor Heinen. Thanks for not arresting us.” 

There’s no way. They can’t both be back here again. This doesn’t happen.

Yet he’s standing a few feet from Sean, a few inches taller and voice a bit deeper, but a certain kindhearted nature to his being that Sean’s never been able to find elsewhere. And he’s tried. Hard. 

“Danton?” 

Danton Heinen, Sean’s childhood best friend, turns to face him. 

_ The summer is only just beginning, but Sean feels it’s going to be quick. He wants infinite time with Danton, infinite nights like this. They sit with their feet in the lake, talking about high school and hockey and fishing and their limited understanding of politics and everything in between. Sean wants to keep Danton next to him for eternity. _

_ “I want to kiss you,” Sean announces in the middle of a conversation about classmates who’ve done graffiti. _

_ Danton turns to look at him. He’s not surprised, they’d known their friendship was going in this direction since the summer began. _

_“What are you waiting for?” _

_ “I’m nervous.” _

_ They both laugh, even though it’s not really funny, but it makes it a lot less scary. Sean’s never kissed anyone before, and he knows Danton hasn’t either because they’ve talked about it. _

_ “It’s pretty straightforward, but maybe I can find some directions-“_

_ Danton’s teasing is interrupted by Sean rolling towards him and brushing his hair out of his face before going in for the kiss. Sean tries to remember everything he’s seen in the movies, read in books, and heard from his older brother on how this works. _

_ The whole thing is messy and awkward, with some repositioning and laughter taking place, but Sean’s never felt lighter than with his lips pressed against Danton’s. _

“Oh, uh, yeah, that’s me.” Danton’s shaky voice brings him back to reality. “Hi Sean.” 

The only people who look more shocked than Danton and Sean are Sean’s three friends. They’re looking between the two with mouths agape. 

“Well...Congratulations on the job?” The words somehow manage to come out more awkward than they were in Sean’s head. His fantasies of reuniting with his old friend went a lot smoother than reality. It’s still hard to comprehend. Sean can’t decide if this is a dream or an embarrassing nightmare. 

Rubbing his arm, Danton avoids looking Sean in the eyes. A part of Sean wonders if maybe he looks back more fondly on Danton than Danton does on him. Considering everything that happened, Sean wouldn’t blame him for that. Maybe this is upsetting for him. Is he making this worse for Danton?

“Thanks, it’s...well it’s a little far from home, but I like it out here.”

It’s more than far from Danton’s home. He’s from Vancouver, and while it’s not a bad thing to explore the world, Sean thought Danton would never want to come back here. 

“You’re just about graduated, aren't you?” Adds Danton. He makes brief eye contact with Sean from under his hat.

“Yeah, that’s why we’re out here. Two weeks of the wilderness before we have to enter the real world.” 

Is Sean making this weird? Has he changed too much for Danton to care? Does Danton even care? Every single second is painful, like two startled deer trying hard not to act scared. Danton takes a step back. 

“Well, I better get back to work. You boys have fun. If you need anything, my tower is the one circled on that pamphlet. It’s not too far from here.” 

The group thanks him in unison and sits in quiet for a moment as they hear Danton get further and further away with the rustle of leaves. Conversation starts up, but no one actually addresses what happened until they’re walking back to the cabin. Sean’s legs still wobble and he hasn’t been able to shake the conversation, replaying it over and over again in his head. Thinking of the way Danton seemed to guard himself or how Sean wishes he asked more questions. 

“So… how do you know Smokey the Bear back there?” Asks Chris once the moment seems far enough behind them. 

“It’s a long story, and I need another beer for it.”

No one knows how to respond to that. Finally, Jake speaks up. 

“He looks sad.”

Sean turns to him. “Yeah, he does.” 

That night, Sean is more aware of the emptiness in his bed and how long it’s been since he’s broken up with his girlfriend than he has been in months. 

\---

Time hasn’t touched Cooper Point since the last time Sean was here. Walking the trail to the waterfall from memory, the colors are just as vibrant as in his memories and the phallic rock still marks a mile before they reach their destination. Torey makes them pose in front of it. Maybe the disposable cameras will get developed, after all. 

And then there’s Danton. Who still occupies a space in Sean’s summer after all these years. Sean’s left wondering if Danton’s any different. If Danton would think Sean’s changed. He has a bachelor’s now and three close friends he didn’t have all those years back, grew a few inches and let his hair grow out in the back. But Sean’s still mischievous, lost, and refusing to rely on anything but his instincts in hopes of being found. 

Danton also remains the only boy that Sean’s kissed, a fact that looms over Sean like the fire lookout a mile away. Sean knows Danton’s changed, but he’d be lying if he said he doesn’t want to go and ask Danton to let down his hair so he could join him up in that tower. 

“So, you ever gonna tell us how you knew that guy?” Chris asks, knee-deep in the lake water next to Sean. Torey and Jake went straight to the waterfall itself, Torey daring Jake to stick his head under and laughing when Jake screams from the water pressure. 

“He was just a kid whose family camped near me. When there are only ten people nearby, you hang out a lot with the kid your age.” 

Chris scrunches his nose. “And did he steal your Pokémon cards or something?” 

“What? No! Danton was a nice kid, Canadian, but not like Jake. He had manners.” Sean can’t bring himself to talk about Danton in the present tense. “You know, it’s like seeing an elementary school friend at the store. What do you even say?” 

“I’m just saying, it looked really awkward,” replies Chris with narrowed eyebrows. 

In the distance, Jake and Torey are trying to push each other each under the waterfall. The last sentence from Chris gets their attention.

“Oh, are you guys talking about Sean’s serial killer friend from last night?” Asks Torey. 

Sean gives the water in front of him a big shove in order to splash Torey, who flinches and accidentally backs up under the stream of the waterfall. Jake cackles loudly and scares some surrounding birds. 

“Don’t call him that; we were the drunk assholes playing with fire.” 

The warning isn’t meant to be too serious, but Chris raises an eyebrow at Sean anyway. “Are you sure there’s nothing more to it?” 

“You just _want_ there to be more,” teases Sean. 

“No, there’s definitely more,” Torey backs up Chris. Of course, he’s outnumbered. 

Sighing and moving near the shore, Sean leans back and closes his eyes. The three men circle around him. They exaggerate their interest with folded hands and purposefully wide eyes. “Okay, fine.

“I knew Danton from, I don’t know, eight to fourteen? We’d spend basically every day of every summer together. We could only write letters when we were home and only saw each other for three months every year, but he was my best friend. We just got each other, and we were the only two kids our age out here... it was like fate or some shit.” 

Torey turns and fakes a whisper to Jake, “I have a feeling I know where this is going.” 

Sean splashes Torey with another wave of water.

“Shut up, God. Anyway, we were fourteen, and starting high school, and you know what that’s like. It was... I started looking at him differently. I guess he did the same because we’d sneak out of our cabins to meet and make out all the time. But after that summer my parents stopped taking me here and so did his so we never really got to go past that.” 

The story is simplified. One he’s imagined telling people since he officially came out as bi last semester, but never actually has until now. Sean’s not sure if anyone will ever hear the full story. Hell, Sean probably doesn’t even know the real full story. 

Only Danton knows what really happened that summer.

A disappointed silence settles over the group. They wanted a little more drama than that. 

“So, why did you look like you saw a ghost when you looked at him?” Asks Jake. 

Chris grins wide. “Sean’s still got it bad for mountain man.” 

“Just because you have been pining over Charlie for three years doesn’t mean-“

“Yo, shut the fuck up.” Torey interrupts their banter while looking off in the distance. They turn to see what he’s looking at. 

It’s hard to see what exactly Torey is worried about. A few seconds pass before outlines of fabric hanging from some of the tall pine trees become clear to Sean, a few rods of metal dangling among them that look like they could be from a tent. The longer Sean looks at it, the more unsettled he feels. Especially considering how long they’ve been here without noticing. 

“Should we check it out?” Asks Torey after taking it all in. 

Jake’s halfway out the lake and heading in the direction of the site.

It’s only a couple yards away, and the four let silence be the soundtrack to their anticipation. A few pieces of clothing act as a trail to where they need to go. It’s too neat, too deliberate to be a bear. Sean feels like someone wanted to guide them here. He doesn’t say that out loud. No need to worry everyone else. 

“Bro, look at this,” Jake hisses and points to a wheel bent and separated from a mountain bike on the ground. The metal looks almost burnt. It could be rust, and Sean wonders how long this has been here. 

Sean can’t rationalize it before Chris interrupts, “Uh, guys?” 

There’s no way this is from a bear. 

The pieces of the tent that are still on the ground are not only ripped to shreds but ripped in a way that almost look like someone went at it with scissors and tried to cut in a straight line. Some of the edges are fraying as if a lighter was across it. The parts hanging from the trees are tied together like decoration. It reminds Sean of homecoming. 

“I think we need to tell someone,” Jake says once they’ve taken in the whole scene. 

Chris picks up a piece of fabric and runs it between his fingertips. “Well, yeah. This is like, Jack the Ripper or something. Doesn’t sit right with me.”

It’s not that Sean isn’t worried, but he doesn’t want his friends to worry with him. On only the second day of a vacation that Sean brought them on, he feels like he brought them into a death trap. It’s probably just a weird coincidence, and he just needs the rest to believe that. 

“I’m sure it’s nothing. Probably a couple who had a bad fight or some kids being stupid.”

“You’re totally the guy that gets murdered first in the horror movie,” Jake is quick to warn him. “Even if it’s nothing, we should tell someone so they can clean it up. What if we leave it and some bear gets tetanus?” 

“Bears can’t get tetanus,” Sean sighs like that’s the issue at hand. “The radio is all the way back at the cabin, and I’m not even sure quite where we are-”

“What about your friend, Danton!” Interrupts Chris, a little too excited. He’s less concerned about getting the site cleaned up and more pleased he found a way to get more information on Sean’s mysterious friend. 

The idea works for Jake. “He did say his tower was, what, just a mile north from the cabin? Probably could get someone here, maybe even make us some coffee.” 

Seeing Danton already opened up a whole lot of guilt that Sean wasn’t ready to deal with, but going to him and asking him to check out some weird shit in the woods makes Sean feel sick. Of course, it’s different now. This is Danton’s _job._ He knew when he applied for it that he’d have to check out some weird shit. But Sean can’t help but remember what happened the last time he saw Danton when they were teenagers. Can’t help the need to protect Danton from something bad happening again, even if it’s been years. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Sean begins to tell them. “He’s got better things to do than to deal with four drunk idiots again.”

“We’re sober this time,” reminds Chris.

“Besides, this is, y’know, his job. He doesn’t actually have better things to do. They don’t exactly have rush hour out here,” Torey adds. 

Their points are hard to argue with, but they don’t quiet the all-consuming guilt bubbling inside Sean as they head in the direction of Danton. Keeping his head up gets harder the closer they get to the tower. His hands stay balled in fists. The rest notice his silence and try to include him in their banter. Normally, he’s the first to jump in and roast Chris for his lack of outdoorsy skills. All Sean can do right now is walk behind his friends and bite his lip. 

Intruding on Danton’s life again when he seems to be doing okay feels wrong. He’s got a job, which is more than Sean can say about himself, and Sean worries that if he keeps bothering Danton he’s gonna ruin that for him. What if Danton doesn’t want to see him? Sean keeps repeating what Jake said about Danton in the back of his head. _ He looks sad. _

“You know, maybe we should just go back to the cabin. It’s getting pretty late and he might not actually be in the tower, anyway,” Sean blurts out once the fire lookout is in site. They’re all tired and the cabin is nearby. Maybe he can get them to bite.

No one falls for it. Especially not Chris, who knows Sean too well to be fooled by him. “Dude, what the hell is the problem? Did this guy do something to you? Because we can kick his ass instead.”

“No, Jesus Christ, Chris, what are you, my father?” Clarifies Sean as quick as he can. Danton isn’t the one who did something wrong here. 

“Then why are you scared to see him? He seemed pretty nice, and I mean, he was the skinniest thing I’ve ever seen so if he did do something to you I can kick his ass-” 

“-Because the last time I saw him I nearly got him killed, alright?” 

Sean yells that a little louder than he would have liked. 

All four of the men stop walking, turning to face Sean as he puts his head in his hands. No one needs to ask. They’re already waiting for Sean’s answer. 

“The last time that we talked we snuck out to make out and I found this weird map along the way and gave it to him and it had all these weird symbols we couldn’t figure out and then the next day he was gone, as in no one could find him and we all thought he was dead and I knew I had something to do with it but I didn’t say anything and then they found him two weeks later and he wouldn’t talk to anyone and I knew he was fucked up bad and it was all my fault because I was a selfish kid and-”

Sean runs out of breath before he can finish explaining the story he’s spent years repressing. The forest is still, no wind or birds chirping. Chris puts an arm around him, and Sean refuses to let himself look as hysterical as he is. 

He knew there was a chance this would come up out here, but he didn’t know it would come in the form of seeing Danton in the flesh. 

“I just didn’t want to get him in trouble.” 

Squeezing his eyes shut, Sean hopes the whole thing will go away if he pretends it never happened. That’s been his tactic for the past eight years and it’s worked up until he saw Danton by the same lake where he had his last conversation with him. Until looking into a pair of eyes that know something that he doesn’t and remembering that not everyone gets to just pretend it didn’t happen.

_ “We need you to tell us anything you remember from the last time you saw Danton.” _

_Sean knew there was bad news as soon as his mother and father woke him up, his mother’s eyes puffy from tears. The last time he was in a position like this was back at home in Columbus when his grandmother died. But they’re not in Columbus; they’re in Cooper Point, the outside world far away and unable to touch them. _

_Somehow, he knew it was about Danton before they told him. _

_There were two park rangers in his living room. They told him that they wanted to get state police involved and anything he told them could be given to the troopers too. When the troopers get involved, it’s always a bad sign. _

_“I last saw him right after dinner. He ate with us and I walked him back to his parents cabin.” _

_That’s when his parents think Sean last saw Danton, who are standing three feet away. Sean can’t exactly say he actually saw him sometime just before midnight, where they made out and held hands and called each other boyfriends. His parents would be mad he snuck out. Danton always said his parents would kill him if they found out he was gay. _

_One of the rangers looks at him skeptically, but that may be in Sean’s head. “When we searched his room this morning, his window was opened and his shoes were gone despite his parents saying he went to bed. Has he ever told you he snuck out before?” _

_Sean shrugs. “I think he’s mentioned he sometimes goes for walks when he can’t sleep. I don’t know why he wouldn’t just use the front door for that.” _

_“Do you know if he had any motivation to run away?”_

_In the back of Sean’s head, he remembers when they daydreamed about staying here for the winter instead, just the two of them. Running away and getting married someday. _

_To the rangers, he just shakes his head. _

\---

Cooper Point is 36 miles from the nearest census-dedicated location. It’s five and a half miles or a two-hour hike to the West Fork Ranger Station, a trip Danton has made many times. To call the location remote would be an understatement. 

So no one should be knocking on Danton’s door.

They warned him about bears. The door is even bear-proof. It seemed funny to Danton when they mentioned it during the job’s orientation, but now he pictures a bear on the other side politely knocking on his door like a elementary school trick or treater. Here goes nothing.

“Hey, Danny.” 

Danton didn’t think there could be anything scarier than a bear on the other side of the door, but he forgot about Sean Kuraly. 

Sean was once Danton’s whole world, at least for a few months out of the year. A magical coincidence that there was even another kid his age near his parents’ remote cabin, not to mention one who also liked hockey and all the shows the kids at his school said were scary. 

They were inseparable until Danton disappeared for two weeks and his parents refused to step foot in these woods again. 

Sean was the last person who saw him before he disappeared, the last person who got to see Danton as a normal fourteen-year-old, untouched by the woods around him. A figure in memory of all the things he never got to be. Danton spent the past two nights having nightmares, putting an older version of Sean’s face to all of his own insecurities and imagining the judgment if Sean found out what Danton’s been up to. 

But here they are again. Sean standing in front of him with his three friends. Rarely in life do you get second chances, nonetheless third ones. Danton really doesn’t want to fuck this up. He should try to be casual. Maybe a joke? Something to make him seem less stuck up than he's been worrying he came across as the first night? 

“You here to sell me something?” 

The group blinks at Danton. Okay, maybe not a joke. Not off to a great start. Sean is the only one who laughs, opening his mouth to speak but gets cut off by everyone yelling.

“Do you have a radio because-” 

“It’s down by the lake-”

“There was all this shit in the trees-”

“There was like, burnt metal and-”

“It _definitely_ wasn’t a bear-”

For a moment, he considers asking them all to raise their hands and wait for him to call on them. 

Danton looks up and catches the eyes of Sean, who smiles and rolls his eyes. It makes Danton’s heart beat faster than he’d like to admit. “Why don’t you guys come inside and we can talk about it. One at a time.” 

The fire lookout is small, similar to the size one would associate with a treehouse. Barely big enough for Danton, certainly not for five grown men but Sean and his friends have no problem making themselves at home on the bed as Danton stands in front of them. 

“I need everyone’s names, first of all. I’m Danton, but Sean probably told you that much.” Danton figures there’s no need to beat around the bush here. 

“I’m Chris, that’s Jake, and the short one is Torey-”

“-Hey!” Objects Torey, who swats at Chris. 

“We go, or, well, went to college with Sean, so we don’t go way back like you guys do.” 

The information isn’t surprising to Danton, who knows Sean’s around the age of graduation and had that confirmed the other night. These are his college friends. Of course Sean continued on a normal path while Danton barely finished high school and got exiled to the woods.

No time to dwell on it; Danton has work to do. “Okay, I’m going to ask a few questions. I can file a report and have the rangers take care of it. I only deal with fire, but I can pass on the word.” 

“We can work with that,” Chris responds for the group.

It takes twenty minutes for Danton to give up trying to understand anything the three men are saying. Sean stays separate from his friends, opting to sit on the metal chair in the corner and laugh as Danton tries to decipher what information is important among the bickering. Danton finally gives them the clipboard and a pen and tells them to write down anything important.

“Do you want, like, a sketch?” Asks Jake, wrestling the clipboard out of Chris’s hand.

“No, um. I think I can guess what trees look like,” Danton mumbles back. He doesn’t mean to be snarky, but he can’t think of anything less helpful than these guys busting out their artistic skills. 

He’s lost interest in the antics and is more concerned with Sean wandering around the room, picking up objects with curiosity and checking every corner. For a moment, Sean doesn’t even realize that Danton’s paying attention to him until Danton finally speaks up. “Am I passing the inspection?” 

Sean jolts up, fear crossing his face for a moment before he realizes that Danton is only teasing him. “I’m just shocked you brought books without your parents bribing you.” 

The summer Danton turned fourteen, his parents told him they’d buy him any hockey jersey he wanted as long as he finished all his summer reading while in Montana. School and reading weren’t things Danton ever enjoyed, especially when he had limited time to spend with Sean, who was the only thing he may have loved more than hockey. Sean was determined to help him. They’d spend the afternoon passing whatever book Danton had to read back and forth to read it out loud to each other, but he never did get to finish it before he disappeared. 

It’s a memory that has long faded over the years for Danton. He’s shocked Sean even remembers it. 

“Well, my mom said if I finished my book report by the time I come back, she’d extend my curfew to 11 on the weekends...” Jokes Danton in a deadpan. Sean doesn’t hold back his laughter. 

Sean flips his through the pages with his thumb, staring at the book momentarily as if he has any interest in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. The only reason Danton had brought it was because it was his sister's favorite and he thought he’d get bored out in the wilderness by himself. Turns out, it’s anything but boring out here. 

“You know,” begins Sean, “I didn’t want them to bother you. I know you probably have bigger things to deal with than some drunk guys in the woods.”

His concerns are met with a shrug from Danton. “If you can’t see smoke, then I’m not doing much. And... you guys are the first people under the age of fifty I’ve seen all month. I was starting to wonder if grey hairs can be contagious.”

That’s not the complete truth, but Danton is willing to say anything to reassure Sean and maybe make him laugh. 

“Besides, I’ll be here all summer,” adds Danton. 

Sean’s face softens, bright blue eyes lit up at the kindness from Danton. He glances over at his three friends on the bed, finishing up their report, before taking a step closer to Danton and speaking softer. 

“It’s good to see you again. I mean it.” 

It’s a little too earnest for Danton to swallow, and he can’t help but wonder if Sean would say the same thing if he knew the whole story. 

“Yeah, well…” Danton tries to find the words for this impossible scenario. 

“Danton! We’re done!” Interrupts Jake, and Danton’s not sure if he’s thankful or not. Sean jumps back and takes a few steps away from Danton, like he was caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to. 

The rest is purely formalities. Danton assures them that he’ll get someone out there to check out the area near the lake within the next day. No one says anything about Danton and Sean’s closed off conversation, or blinks an eye when Sean hangs back for a moment to give Danton one of his signature, winning smiles and says, “I’ll see you again before I leave, promise.” 

For a few minutes after Sean and his friends leave, Danton has to sit on the bed with his head in his hands and release a sigh he didn’t realize he was holding in. 

Things should be different between him and Sean. Danton knows he’s not the same person Sean remembers; he’s not the person he was at fourteen. Maybe Sean _did_ notice that. He isn’t wearing his jacket, leaving track lines from years of using visible. But that’s probably a whole world Sean knows nothing about. 

It feels like lying by omission. Sean doesn’t know that Danton was in rehab just a few months ago. He doesn’t know about the heroin. He doesn’t know about Danton’s arrest record or his too old ex-boyfriend or the way his parents don’t include him in their Christmas card updates to their friends anymore. Last Sean knew of him, he was a good hockey player, a B-average student, a quiet but loved kid. Now he’s just quiet. 

And yet, Sean still brings out Danton’s best banter, and Danton still brings out Sean’s best smiles. Like freshman year was yesterday.

\--- 

“I’m in John’s car, and we’re pulled over on the side of the road, right? And it’s, like, Noah’s Arc level of downpour out there. You know who comes over to help?”

Torey’s in the middle of telling one of his grand stories that, despite Sean having known him for four years, never seem to run out. The sun is starting to set, and the alcohol has cheered them up after a long hike. Most of them. Sean still has too much on his mind to really focus on Torey’s tale. 

“Who?” Jake answers. He’s cross-legged at Torey’s feet, almost as if he’s back in kindergarten. 

“Fucking Meredith!” 

They turn to Sean, who stares straight ahead at Torey and tries to look unfazed. The last thing Sean wants to talk about right now is his ex-girlfriend. 

Luckily, Jake can’t stand being silent for more than five seconds and saves Sean from having to form an awkward reply. “Doesn’t she work with John? Like, dude.”

“She does, and he called out sick to be with me. She’s the goddamn shift manager. And the breakup with Sean had _just_ happened, so she wasn’t a fan of either of us.” 

The story continues, but Sean is trying so hard at pretending to pay attention that he forgets to actually do so. Hearing Meredith’s name still makes him lightheaded. The alcohol isn’t helping.

_ “Are you dating me because you want to, or because you think you’re supposed to?” Meredith asks him. It’s a Monday afternoon, and they’re in her off-campus apartment. They never talk like this. Never talk about anything serious. But graduation looms over them like a countdown to the end of what they have. _

_ “That’s not true. I love you, you know I love you.” Sean doesn’t know why they have to talk about this now. They haven’t been fighting, and Meredith just secured a job after graduation. “Things are fine, I don’t know what the problem is.” _

_ Turning to face him, Meredith crosses her arms. “That _ is _ the problem! Things are always fine with you, but I don’t know if that’s what you want. I don’t want you to settle for me. I want you to love me, not being in a relationship with any girl who isn’t crazy.” _

_ Sean avoids her gaze. He should have seen this coming, but he lives by the phrase ‘ignorance is bliss’ when it comes to problems like this. ___

_ _ “Sean, you good?” _ _

_ _Chris snaps Sean out of the memory. His friends are staring at him. _ _

_ _ “Huh? Yeah. I just didn’t sleep well.” It’s not a total lie. Some animals making noise kept him up last night. _ _

_ _ “Did anyone?” Asks Torey._ _

_ _ Jake adds on. “Yeah, what was that?”_ _

_ _ It’s too good of a setup for Sean to pass up. “It sounded like you when we watched _The Exorcist_.” _ _

_ _ “Or Jake when he saw a centipede in European Lit,” Torey adds. _ _

_ _ “Or Jake when we almost hit that deer,” Chris finishes off. _ _

_ _ Making fun of Jake is a good distraction and qualityexpected bonding activity, but it leaves a question unanswered: What _ was _ that noise? _ _

_ _It occurred for a few minutes every hour or so during the night and was almost ear-splitting. Screeching that felt like it could be from a bat, but not a normal bat, or a coyote, but not a normal coyote. Not totally unheard of in the woods, but there was something sinister about itthat Sean can’t place. Thinking about it makes him feel uncomfortable. He offers some kind of justification to ease his mind._ _

_ _ “Maybe some sick coyotes?” _ _

_ _ “I’ve never heard an animal that sounded like that,” answers Chris. _ _

_ _ “You’ve never even _been_ camping, have you heard a wild animal that wasn’t a possum?” _ _

_ _ Chris glares. “I’ve heard you, so yes.” _ _

_ _ Sean can’t hold back a laugh at that one. He starts feeling more comfortable in his own skin again with the banter and knows another beer will help. “I’m sure the park rangers will deal with it, whatever it is. And if they don’t, we can feed Chris to the werewolves.” _ _

_ _ “Were-coyotes,” corrects Torey. _ _

_ _ “Wait, guys, look,” Jake changes the subject, and Sean’s not sure if he did so to make things less awkward or not. _ _

_ _In his hand is an all-white, round, rubber looking item. Maybe a bracelet? The other two come over to look at it. _ _

_ _ “What is it?” A now-distracted Torey asks. _ _

_ _ Grabbing it out of Jake’s hands, Chris twirls it around in his hand. “‘S got writing on it. I think it says Annabell? It’s a little smudged.” _ _

_ _ “Weird. Guess she left it here.” Sean shrugs and packs the last of their beer. _ _

_ _ Chris remains skeptical. “It looks like a hospital bracelet.” _ _

_ _ “Maybe that’s her style, I don’t know. Better than those jelly bracelets that Meredith always bought me.” _ _

_ _ Sean is done with his friends’ investigations today. He wants an uncomplicated vacation. The last thing he needs is for his friends to create more panic out of litter on the ground because they’ve never been to the woods before. _ _

_ _ The rest get the hint and leave Sean alone until they’re back at his cabin. He’s so lost in his head that he doesn’t even see the note left on the door until Torey calls out for him and hands it to him._ _

_ _ _ Sean, _ _ _

_ _ _ Rangers went to the lake but couldn’t find any torn-up campsite. They said everything looked normal. I will check it out myself tomorrow._ _ _

_ __ Danton_ _ _

_ _ There’s no doubt it’s from him. It’s written in the same hasty chicken scratch Danton had at fourteen. Sean never understood how someone so patient when he spoke could be so rushed in writing. _ _

_ _ “There’s no fucking way they found nothing,” Torey speaks up first. _ _

_ _ “Yeah, I mean, do you guys remember that shit? It looked like they were filming a _Blair Witch Project_ sequel out there,” affirms Jake. _ _

_ _ A part of Sean knows that they’ are right to be concerned about this. Even if another group came along and cleaned some of the destroyed campsites up, the garbage was strung up in trees way too high for the average person to climb. And, hell, if the debris was gone, the dirt and trees in the area should still be fucked up. There’s no way there’s nothing left. _ _

_ _ At the same time, what other explanation is there?_ _

_ _ “I mean, the woods are weird, who knows if-”_ _

_ _ “Sean?” Chris puts a hand on his shoulder and gives him a look of fake pity, which means he’s almost certainly going to tell him what an idiot he is. Sean takes the bait, anyway. _ _

_ _ “Yeah?”_ _

_ _ “Your ability to act like everything is fine all the time is astounding.” _ _

_ __ _

\--- 

Danton didn’t think Sean and his friends were lying, but he couldn’t help but wonder if maybe they exaggerated the story once he got word from the rangers that the area was all clear. Did the rangers not take it seriously? Was the location wrong? Maybe they were just fucking with the weird, scraggly fire lookout as a fun activity for a group of recently emancipated frat boys.

No. Sean wouldn’t do that to him. Danton doesn’t know what Sean’s been up to over the past eight years, but he knows that Sean will never be that type of person. Fuck it, he should go and check out the lake for himself. 

The weather is calm, forest completely still as Danton makes his way through a patch of land that fell victim to a controlled burn. He usually likes hiking, likes having animals and plants to catalog in his journal so that it contains more than how his day went, but these have always creeped him out. It’s just too much death in one place for him to be at ease, no matter the reasoning. 

Nerves begin to build inside Danton. There’s no sign of the reported debris, but that’s not what he’s worried about. Danton hasn’t been to the lake since he started this job. It’s the last place he can remember being in the woods as a teenager, the last place he can remember being as a kid. Where he and Sean snuck out of their parents' cabins to meet even if they’d already spent all day together, dipping their feet in the water and talking about a life barely lived yet. 

Keeping in contact was... well, it was impossible. They never had each other’s addresses, never saw the abrupt end coming, and always thought they had the promise of next summer. Danton _wanted_ to talk to Sean. He thought about him all the time. Especially at his worst points. 

But even if Danton had Sean’s address, Sean’s parents would have certainly hidden the letters before he ever got to read them, and Danton couldn’t blame them for that. 

Sean’s parents may not have known what Danton was up to after they left, but they had to remember him turning up drenched in water and catatonic after being missing for two weeks, not a clue where he’d been. What parent would want their kid near a situation like that? None of the families back at Langley wanted their children being friends with him. As if kidnapping was a contagious disease. 

Walking towards the edge of the lake, Danton kicks a rock into the water and watches as it sinks. 

Would Sean lie to him, try to mess with him? Was he trying to find out more about just what exactly was wrong with Danton, why a kid who went missing in the woods would want to go back? Is that why he was looking around the room while the rest of his friends bickered on the bed?

It must be hard for Sean, too. He must have seen the lines on Danton’s arms. The thinness of his hair and the bones sticking out in all places. Sean’s parents would be right to be wary of him, to throw out the hypothetical letters Danton never even sent. 

Danton picks up a rock and throws it as far as he can into the lake. He can infer where Sean has been. College degree, a job, a scholarship, friends, probably a girlfriend or boyfriend and maybe an apartment to wrap things up neatly. The same track Danton was on before sophomore year. 

_ “You need to chill out,” Danton’s boyfriend tells him in the morning. _

_Danton gets it. He really does. There’s a giant gash on his arm from trying to dig out a nonexistent tracking device after he had too much cocaine at the party last night and something that someone said hit him the wrong way. _

_But the drugs weren’t the only reason, and they both know that. Both Danton and his boyfriend, Eric, know it also had to do with Danton’s frequent nightmares. Or the reason he’s struggling to pass his junior year of high school. Or the reason he doesn’t like to go home to his parents. The cocaine just lowered any control he had over the paranoia that’s hovered over him ever since he went missing. _

_“Thanks, I never considered that advice,” mumbles Danton. He’s still in Eric’s bed, which reminds him that they still have a good arrangement and he shouldn’t say anything too snarky. Danton gets a place to stay, someone with a car to drive him around, and free alcohol and drugs. Erics gets to have sex with Danton whenever he wants. Sometimes they have good conversations. _

_“I’m serious, Dan, they’re not gonna let you... No one’s gonna want you over if you keep having medical emergencies in their kitchen, don’t you get it?” _

_Danton sits up now. “I don’t do this because I enjoy it; you should know that.” _

_“That’s not what I meant.” Eric sighs. For a college kid, Danton would think he’d be more well-spoken. He digs around in his wardrobe on the other side of the room. “Maybe you should try something else. Something to get you to calm the fuck down.”_

_Part of Danton wants to tell Eric to fuck off, but the other part is curious. “Like what?”_

_Eric holds up a needle and, well, Danton doesn’t need it explained anymore. He knows why there are burnt spoons around the house and the reason Eric can even afford to keep Danton around. He also knows the warnings he got about the drug as a kid. _

_Danton doesn’t listen to warnings anymore. If he did, he wouldn’t be half-naked in a 22-year old guy’s bed. _

_“How does it work?” Asks Danton, swinging his legs off the side of the bed. _

_As Eric puts the tourniquet around his arm, Danton wonders if this is the kindest touch he’s felt since he was 14.  
_

“Hey! Were you waiting for us!” A distant shout snaps Danton out of his thoughts. 

Sean and his friends are walking towards him. Staring at his feet, Danton smiles and greets them, “You know it.” He forgot he told them to meet him here. 

The four look happy to see him, and Danton almost feels bad for thinking they were lying. Especially as Jake puts his hands on his hips, looking around before declaring, “Wow, it _ is _ all gone!”

“Guess it was a garage sale?” Jokes Chris.

Standing closer to him than the rest, Sean has a softer tone when he asks Danton, “They really found nothing? Like, not a single thing? I thought they had, like, detectives for this.” 

“I guess Nancy Drew was busy this weekend.” It’s meant as a joke, like the banter Sean and his friends have, but embarrassment crosses Sean’s face instead. 

Danton tries again. The last thing he wants is to make Sean feel bad. “Are you sure it was here?”

“It was! I remember we could hear the waterfall,” Jake explains. 

“Yeah, and I can still smell where Jake was all these days later,” adds Chris.

The only one not saying much is Torey. While he seemed talkative a few days back with his friends on Danton’s bed, his arms are crossed and his mouth stays closed today. Maybe he’s hungover. Still, Danton still can’t help but feel nervous about him. 

“You know, this is when that drawing would come in handy,” a smug Jake says after a moment of silence.

“I did find some burnt wood,” Danton ponders, “but I’m pretty sure that’s from the controlled burns. There isn’t even the abundance of branches we’d normally see from an incident like this.” 

Danton’s aware he’s talking formally, and the sentence must make Jake aware, too. He reaches over and slowly grabs for Danton’s hat as Danton gives his explanation. Danton doesn’t stop him as Jake takes it off and tries it on. It’s worth it to see Sean giggle at the sight. 

“You know, we did find this, like, bracelet not too far from here. Could be nothing, but if we’re grasping at straws…” says Chris.

Sean perks up, “Oh yeah! Torey, do you still have that?”

Torey bites his lip. “Yeah, but…”

A silent exchange seems to go on between them as their facial expressions convey something Danton can’t read. 

“Come on, you can trust Danton,” Sean finally verbalizes. 

Oh. So that’s what this is.

Not looking to switch to arguing out loud, Torey shuffles in his bag for a moment before handing a rubber bracelet to Danton. Most of the words on it seem smudged off from the elements, but he can make out the name Annabell with certain parts of the last name visible. 

_ Annabell Parker_, something in Danton’s mind screams out. He repeats it out loud.

“What was that?” Chris asks. 

“Annabell Parker,” repeats Sean on Danton’s behalf. Danton can barely believe it came out of his mouth. The last name isn’t legible, just the “A” and “R” at either end of it. 

“How did you know that?” Torey asks in shock. 

Danton gulps, rubbing circles in the dirt with his shoe. His throat feels tight. It feels like any answer will persecute him. “I don’t know, it just sounded... familiar? I think maybe it might be a worker here.” 

That’s a lie. Danton knows all three women who work in this area, and none of them are named Annabell. But he can’t produce an explanation for how he knows that name right now, and he knows the group will see him as trustworthy if he gives that as an answer. Funny how lying makes him seem like more of an honest man than the truth. 

“I’ll ask around about the name, but I won’t mention the bracelet in case they ask me to confiscate it. In the meantime, stay alert. You know where I’ll be.” 

Danton doesn’t mean to cut it short, especially with how well talking to Sean is going overall, but it’s getting hard for him to breathe. The four stand still in confusion, uncertain how to react at Danton’s abrupt departure. 

It’s not their fault. The lake has never been kind to Danton, and for the first time in a while, he really wishes he could shoot up. Something is scratching at the corner of his brain and he doesn’t want Sean and his friends to be there if it gets through to Danton. So much for not trying to be weird. 

He never asks about the name over the radio because he knows that it’s a dead end. Instead, Danton tosses and turns in his bed, a faint noise from the woods echoing through the fire lookout like a TV left on by upstairs neighbors back home. He can’t tell if it’s a shriek of pain or an animal, but there’s a familiarity in the rawness it projects that tells natural instinct in him to run. As if it’s trying to talk to him, personally. 

Back in Vancouver, his therapist would say it’s all in his head, that the world’s not out to get him. Danton closes his eyes and tries to believe that.

\--- 

_ “Do you think Danton’s dead?” _

_Nick doesn’t know better, doesn’t know that there are some questions you don’t ask, but that doesn’t stop Sean from nearly swinging at his younger brother right there and then. The only thing that stops Sean from decking Nick is that he’s probably right. _

_“I dunno,” Sean shrugs his shoulders. “The woods are big. Could be anywhere.”_

_It’s easier for Sean to pretend he doesn’t care. Ignore the anxiety swirling in the depths of his stomach for the last ten days that Danton’s been missing. Sean remembers a statistic his school told them at an assembly: if you don’t find a missing child within 24 hours, they’re most likely not going to be found alive._

_“Maybe it’s the witch,” begins Nick. Sean plans to ignore whatever childish theory he clearly wants him to ask about, but Nick doesn’t wait for a response. “You know about the witch out here, right?”_

_“No, I don’t.” Boredom laces Sean’s tone. _

_“She burns kids alive. As a sacrifice. Cody told me that’s why all that firewood is around, and that the only way she dies is if you burn her first.” _

_This is normal behavior for ten-year-olds, Sean reminds himself, but it doesn’t mean it’s not annoying. He doesn’t want to think about his best friend dying, or being burned alive, or how he should have walked Danton home that night. _

_“Yeah, maybe she did.” Sean walks away, ending the conversation before Nick can continue. _

Destiny has always been a weird thing for Sean. He doesn’t believe in it, and yet it’s ruled his life. Living with the mindset that life would work out without worry. The idea that just because he was nice and never killed anyone or robbed a bank, things would work out for him. He’d be a successful hockey player and marry a beautiful girl like his dad did. He’d ignore anything that got in the way of that, like his lack of motivation to play in college or the summer where all he wanted to do was kiss the boy in the cabin up the lake.

Now he’s 22 and headed far away from any of those half-baked aspirations and straight into a dead end. Sean’s running out of time to jump ship and take a risk before it’s too late. Maybe it already is. 

Sean wants to blame it on bad luck, but how could he after seeing Danton? He never killed anyone or robbed a bank and yet still disappeared for two weeks, still got addicted to drugs, and still seems to have it together more than Sean. Danton at least took some initiative to get a job in a different country. 

“You gotta carb load today, or you’re going to regret it.” 

Torey slides an English muffin in front of Sean. Everyone’s hungover. Except for Sean, who has apparently experienced an expedited recovery from the existential crisis. 

They’re sitting around the wooden table in Sean’s cabin planning the hike they want to take today. To Sean’s left, Chris marks up a map with their options. Jake steals the sharpie when Chris isn’t looking to draw dicks on the map. The production makes Sean realize how much he loves his friends, and if he really loves them, he can’t keep pretending. 

He balls up his fists. Here goes nothing. 

“I want to figure out what happened with that campsite. And the screaming outside. I want to stop pretending everything is fine,” Sean blurts out. His friends fall silent, turning and giving him a puzzled look.

“I want to figure out what happened to Danton. I think it has something to do with... everything.”

No one knows what to say. Sean can’t blame them. The statement is overwhelming for ten in the morning. 

Chris is the first to speak up. He’s always the most likely to understand Sean’s bullshit. “Well, I’m glad you came to your senses before we started disappearing, but are you sure this has anything to _do_ with Danton? Didn’t he go missing when you guys were, like, in high school?” 

“And what are you even looking to find?” Interrupts Torey. “This isn’t a true crime channel. We don’t know anything about this shit.”

“I know,” Sean says, and he means it. He leans his head against the wooden wall. “I know, but I can just, I don’t know, I can feel it. The firewood Danton mentioned... I remember my brother mentioning it as a kid. I could sense something up on Danton’s face when we showed him that bracelet. I can just feel that something is up.” 

Chris isn’t buying it. “I’m happy you discovered your powers, Matilda, but maybe we should have more than a feeling to go off of before we disturb this guy’s life?” 

“Wouldn’t that be more _ The Sixth Sense_?” Asks Jake, who always seems to focus on the wrong thing. 

Sean pauses to take a breathe, making his way to the sink to refill his cup of coffee. Verbalizing the train of thought seems too much with everyone staring, so he turns his back to them and grabs onto the counter.

“I know how I sound. Like I’m... one of those hippie guys in the ecology club. I’m not trying to be. But you can’t convince me that me coming back here for the first time since Danton went missing, and him working here despite being from Canada, doesn’t mean something.” 

“Never took you for a spiritualist,” Torey says after a moment of silence. The words are gentle, more compassionate than before. 

Sean doesn’t need to turn around to see the smirk on Chris’ face when he speaks. “Yeah, certainly wasn’t spiritual when he was too hungover to go to Church every Sunday.” 

“Didn’t know you guys were stand-up Christians. That what I caught you doing on your knees with Charlie?” Sean teases. 

The jokes are a sign that his friends are coming around to Sean’s idea, or at least, they don’t have much of a real argument to refute him. They pick at their food, contemplation settling over the group. 

“What if nothing _weird_ happened to Danton?” Torey decides to add after a moment. “Maybe he was just some troubled kid that ran away. I mean, he is on drugs. Or was. Maybe he doesn’t want to go through it again.”

“Like we weren’t doing coke at parties,” Sean replies a little more aggressively than intended.

Jake comes to Torey’s aid. “Coke at parties and heroin aren’t the same thing. But... why don’t we ask Danton if he’s okay with it and if he is we can check it out. Maybe we’ll find some hidden artifacts and get rich.” 

That gets through to Torey. 

“Alright, fine, it’s not a blood ritual or anything. I wanna see Sean scare himself, anyway.” A soft smile crosses Torey’s face, apologetic in his own way. 

The conversation returns to hiking routes and whether climbing trees can really save you from bears, followed by teasing Chris for not knowing how big moose are. Sean’s thankful to joke with his friends, and that none of them inquire further about why he’s so interested in Danton after all these years.

\---

The fire lookout station sits on one of the highest elevations in the national park that one can live at without facing serious health risks. Danton leans against the porch that surrounds the cabin, feeling a little dorky in his khaki shorts and binoculars around his neck. You can see everything from this spot. That’s the whole point.

About three and a half miles southwest is what Danton’s looking at, where a patch of scorched earth sits among lush yellow pine and grand fir. It’s a place that sits at the center of most of his walking routes, and one he stumbles into if he’s not paying enough attention. Danton still doesn’t know what it is about it that gives him the creeps, but it’s an eighth of a mile off the path to the ranger station and a quarter-mile from the lake. Unavoidable. 

Danton was there earlier. He’s not entirely sure why, considering he swore up and down before he left that taking this job was unrelated to what happened to him as a kid. He’s given up trying to remember where he was the two weeks no one could find him. Stopped expecting answers eight years and a dozen therapists later. This job is purely to get him back on his feet. Isolated enough to make sure he doesn’t use again, to help him be more than a suicidal addict. Lonely and peaceful was the most Danton could ask for.

But there he’d been, standing in the middle of a burnt field waiting for something to click. A light to break in the clouds and shine on him and have it all make sense. The smell of the forest to bring closure. 

He had been so wrapped up in the hypotheticals, Danton never heard the campers walk up behind him.

“Sir?” The voice of a young woman had asked him, keeping a few feet of distance.

Danton had turned to see a couple standing hand and hand just where the tree line begins. The two were the same height, a little too _The Shining_ for his comfort.

“Can I help you guys?” He had asked in the same friendly voice he used with his bosses and coworkers. Eyes a little wider, standing a little taller. 

“Are you safe out there?” The man had called out to Danton. The two didn’t move any closer. As if they were afraid to.

It had begun to feel like more than two pairs of eyes were staring at him. He wiped the sweat off the palms of his hands. “I’m alright. There a reason to be worried? Something wrong?”

“No, but...” The lady had begun, hesitant. “Are they always watching you like this?”

Danton whirled around, heart rate skyrocketing. Not a single person or animal was near.

He had been mentally preparing for some kind of ambush. No job training was needed to know there were a lot of sick fucks out there; Danton learned that long before he was employed. Everything had been still. Too still, considering he could feel a breeze but couldn’t see the trees swaying, and nothing cast a shadow. 

The couple had left when he turned back to address them. Maybe they’d been high. God knows how many people Danton’s encountered that come out here to do edibles and play with fire. 

He had called Cassidy on the radio about the pair in case they were in trouble but never heard an update on them. That was two hours ago. Danton hasn’t seen a sign of search and rescue from where he stands on the lookout. Must be fine. 

“Danton?”

The voice startles him enough that Danton jumps back. He didn’t hear anyone coming up the stairs, but it’s nothing to be afraid of. Just Sean and his friends again. How much longer are they going to be camping out here? Is there an answer to that question that Danton would be happy to hear? 

“You didn’t set anything on fire, did you?” Danton answers dryly, unable to prevent the smile playing on his lips.

Sean grins and raises an eyebrow. “All of Jake’s clothes, but we took care of that already. We’re not here to borrow your hose.” 

“Well, come on in.” 

The place is messier than last time Sean and his friends came, notebook paper spread around the table and his bed unmade. “Sorry about the mess,” Danton mumbles as Jake launches himself onto the bed. He supposes it’s good that they feel at home.

“Before he says anything, I warned him that this was a bad idea,” Torey begins, leaning against the doorway with crossed arms.

Sean swats Torey. “I warned your mom that you were a bad idea.” 

Chris boos loudly at the weak insult. Taking a seat in the wooden chair, Danton sighs and leans back. This could be a while.

“Look, Danton... it’s weird, right, this whole thing?” Sean asks. 

“You mean coming into my tower and bickering with your friends? A little, but it’s entertaining.” 

Sean shakes his head with amusement. The rest of his group sits quietly for the first time since Danton’s met them. 

“No, both of us being here. At the same time. And at the same time as the disappeared wreck. And the loud screaming at night. You hear it too, right? And the random hospital bracelet.” 

Danton doesn’t know what Sean’s getting at, but he has a feeling he doesn’t like it. 

"Why are you telling me this?” It comes out softer than he wants it to, a little shaky. 

Sean moves a few steps closer to Danton and kneels down to be at eye level. It’s so sincere, Danton feels sick. 

“Because, how much weird shit has to happen before someone tries to understand it? It’s not harmless, I mean, fuck, what if that screaming is coming from a person. We _know_ it’s not harmless after what happened to you. And I don’t want to sit back and hope it just stops or someone else figures it out. I want to do something for once, I want to make sure another kid doesn’t go missing again. You said it yourself: the rangers aren’t the men for the job.”

Without realizing it, Danton’s shaking a bit and clutching the back of the chair. He should have seen this coming. He’s always just been someone’s weird little problem they want to solve to be a hero. 

“Do you think…” Danton sighs and tries again. “Do you think this is _The X-Files_, Sean?” 

Sean pulls back as if he touched a hot stove. “What? No, I- Come on, you don’t think this isn’t weird? That this doesn’t mean something?” 

“I do think it’s weird, but I think weird stuff is happening everywhere all the time and it doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t mean some debris being gone has anything to do with me being fucking... sometimes bad things just happen.” 

“Don’t you want to find out what happened to you? Don’t you want to remember?” 

Without meaning to, Danton lets out a deep laugh. “What do you think I’ve been doing for the past eight years? You think I just moved on the next day?” 

Danton looks at Sean almost with pity as he stands there speechless. He wishes he were this naive. 

“Sean, I... I’ve been arrested twice, did you know that? I’m only in my twenties. I’ve been to rehab twice. That’s how I got this job; they set me up somewhere it would be impossible to relapse. I’ve tried to kill myself, more than once. At this point, I don’t care if I remember, I just want to move on.” The vulnerability is uncomfortable, but after saying the spiel in front of a judge enough times, you get used to it. 

Sean wastes no time replying, as if he was expecting Danton’s argument. “I don’t want to be a part of it, the system that let that happen. I didn’t do shit when it happened, and I haven’t done shit about anything since, and it hasn’t made anything better to act like it’s all okay. Maybe it doesn’t get better for me and you, but maybe it does get better for some kid we’ll never meet. They can just go to the river and kiss the boy they like and not worry.” He takes Danton’s hand. The response is loud enough that all his friends can hear. They must know he likes men. None of them are shocked about it. 

It’s a nice speech, one that makes Danton remember all the things he loved about Sean. How he truly cares about the people around him and can’t live with himself if he doesn’t do it to the best of his ability. 

Danton feels bad for him. This is clearly about something bigger than Danton, and Sean’s forcing the dots to connect. But, if that’s what Sean needs, then Danton can give it to him. He can be the person to tell him he’s doing the right thing and it’s worth it to question things. 

There are no real answers to the unusual tragedies that happen in the woods, or outside of them, every day, but Danton doesn’t want Sean to realize that yet. If he’s lucky, he never will. 

(Sean’s also very attractive, and that may play a part in Danton’s decision. Just a small part.)

Letting out a big sigh, Danton stands up from his chair. His therapist was right about him needing to learn to say no. “Alright, I’ll help. It’s part of my job, I suppose. We’re gonna need an actual plan, or some kind of lead, because all you have are four unrelated strange things. Sleep on it, and come back at nine tomorrow.”

Sean’s face lights up as he pulls Danton in for a hug. Maybe this is worth it. He can’t remember the last time he received this much genuine affection. Lucky for him, Sean holds on long enough for Danton to ease into it and hug him back, and the only word he can think to describe the moment with is _safe._

“Thanks, Danny, I promise, I’m not wasting your time. I swear to god. This matters.” 

He says it with so much conviction, Danton almost believes it. Almost. 

“Way to go, Nancy Drew!” Shouts Jake as they walk out exchanging high fives. The next few days will certainly be interesting. 

Nightfall comes and Danton stares at his blank journal page, unsure how to address the day. The campers, the mission, but most of all, Sean. The innocent feeling of being excited to see someone and hoping they feel the same way. He feels stupid, but a part of Danton is genuinely excited to see Sean the next day. 

“Cassidy for Heinen, over.” The radio on his desk interrupts his daydreams. 

“Go for Heinen, over.” 

“We got a report of, uh, animals suspended from a tree. Dead ones, the hiker who saw it said three of them. Sounded... he sounded scared out of his mind. A mile out from you, quarter-mile west from the lake.” Cassidy lets out a sigh. “I know it’s not your job, but you’re the closest guy, go observe the area in the morning then report what you see so we know what to send out there. I’ll send you the coordinates at eight hundred hours. Over.” 

This is the only time Danton has ever heard Cassidy sound unsure of himself, a little concerned. The guy’s been in the woods forever; he’s not easily phased. 

“I’ll head over after the morning weather report; over.” 

Danton doesn’t even know what to think of the whole thing. A really amateur hunter? Teenage wannabe pagans? Whatever it is, he and Sean certainly have a place to start. 

That night, Danton dreams of overlooking the forest while tied to the top of a tree. Sean is shouting for him somewhere below, but he has no voice to yell back with. He’s caught in a hunter’s trap.

\--- 

“Didn’t we just pass this tree?”

That’s the second time today that Jake has said that. 

“All the trees look the same,” replies Danton. If Sean is going to trust anyone to know where they’re going, it’s the guy who works here and has coordinates from his boss for where the supposedly hanging dead animals should be. 

Which, by the way, was not the news Sean expected Danton to greet him with this morning. 

“But, wait, hold on, look at this-” Jake begins walking to the tree that looks exactly the same as all the others. Once he gets close, he runs his hand along the bark and- okay, Sean can see what Jake was talking about now. 

A dark red outline glimmered against the dark wood. Almost impossible to see if you aren’t looking for it. Stepping closer, Sean realizes the red doesn’t seem to be a random splatter but purposeful, neat lines that come together to create a type of symbol he doesn’t recognize. It looks as if a third grader who just learned about ancient Egypt was trying to make their own hieroglyph. 

“This looks like Jake trying to spell a word with five letters,” Chris breaks the stunned silence. 

Jake scowls. “This looks like Chris’ attempt at drawing his boyfriend.”

That is something Chris once tried to do for Charlie, and it did go about as badly. 

Stepping closer to the tree, Danton gets on one knee to better inspect the mark. Sean hovers behind him and notices the consistency looks like blood. Same color as dried blood, too. It can’t be that old if the elements haven’t washed it away yet. 

Danton looks up at Sean, his wide green eyes more interesting to Sean than the strange symbol on the tree written maybe in blood. It’s weird how someone can do that to you. Something about the sun shining on Danton and his uncovered hair today remind Sean of how young he is, his face soft even with the stubble on his chin. With everything Danton has told Sean he’s experienced, it’s easy to forget they’re the same age.

“Do you think this could be from the animals? The ones suspended from those trees?” Danton asks.

“You got the call last night, right?” Sean responds, continuing once he gets a nod of confirmation from Danton. “Could be. Hasn’t rained since then but it’s been long enough to dry. Whoever was weird enough to do that is weird enough to do this.” 

There’s nothing to be done about the markings, just to keep looking out, but it still feels weird to just walk away. Torey smiles at Danton. “We’ve been causing trouble since we came here, haven’t we?” 

“I’ll have to ban you all for life,” Danton smirks back, and Sean is happy to see the two of them getting along. 

Danton and Sean lead the group through the woods, with Torey, Jake, and Chris trailing behind them. The terrain is rough in these parts and Sean finds himself brushing against Danton more than is good for his heart. Even when heading towards hanged roadkill, Danton’s aura is calming. Composed, not due to confidence, but rather a constant awareness. An understanding of his surroundings that Sean knows existed long before he got this job. 

“So, what have you been up to?” Danton asks as they tread uphill. “I mean, I know you graduated. But what did you get your degree in? What’s next? How’s your family?” 

Sean remembers his mom saying that Danton has the best manners, and he has to agree. “Well, hockey didn’t go much of anywhere, so I did what all the people who couldn’t make it do and got a sports broadcasting degree.” 

It’s meant to be funny but sounds more self-pitying. Hard to be positive about being too chicken to deviate from what is expected from a guy like him. Still, it feels insensitive to say when Danton clearly didn’t have a shot at being drafted. 

Danton isn’t phased by Sean’s pessimism. “That’s still pretty cool. I heard people from Columbus have the easiest time losing their accents for the radio, is that true?”

It’s like Danton to be interested in an aspect of Sean’s life that even Sean isn’t interested in. 

“I didn’t have any problems losing an accent, but the real problem was not cursing.” Sean flashes a smile at Danton.

“I’d curse too if I had to call games for the Bruins.”

The Bruins were Sean’s childhood team, a piece of information Sean is surprised Danton retained. There weren’t any teams near Sean growing up, but he had an uncle from Boston who’d bring him jerseys. He’d come here in the summer and debate with Danton whether the Bruins or the Canucks were a better team. Columbus got a team last year, and Sean’s been rooting for them ever since. Not that Danton would know he switched.

“I’m more of a Blue Jackets fan now. Gotta support the expansion, even if they suck more ass than Pavel Bure.” 

Danton furrows his eyebrows. “Blue Jackets?”

“Yeah, the new Columbus team?” Sean has to restrain himself from adding ‘duh’ to the end of that. He likes to tease but doesn’t want to be mean. Danton was always the bigger fan of the NHL when they were kids, but a lot has changed since then.

“Oh,” responds Danton. “I guess I missed that. Haven’t caught a lot of games lately.” 

There’s an unasked question: how did Danton go from the kid who could name every Canucks player to the one who doesn’t know what teams are in the league? Sean continues to try to get the answer without having to actually ask.

“What about you? Get some kind of degree? Certificate? Whatever they give up there... property cards to go with the Monopoly money?”

Sean is pleased to see Danton giggle. The other three talk amongst themselves, but Sean can’t bring himself to care about anything that isn’t Danton right now.

“No, I, uh…” Danton rubs his arm. “College wasn’t really for me. Had to work my shit out, and well, I’m here. I wasn’t ever gonna do well in an office.”

While Danton’s answer isn’t overly complicated, it brings some kind of peace to Sean. Someone gets it. Danton has that effect on people. Or at least, people named Sean. 

“Me neither, man. The closer I get to a 9-to-5 the more scared I get about waiting for retirement.”

“Maybe we could run away to Vegas, then you could get a job as one of those people who dress up as Elvis,” suggests Danton, grinning about as wide as Sean’s seen from him since first reencountering him. 

“Yeah, I think I’m handsome enough for that. I’ll do that and maybe you can do one of those haunted hayrides they do in October.” 

“Oh, so that’s how handsome _I_ am-”

“Guys?” Jake interrupts the banter, looking up ahead. Everyone sucks in a breath. 

The sun shines through the carcasses of three neatly skinned deer hang like Christmas ornaments above, blood spattered upon the grass like snowflakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my betas:crypt, and mo, and countless others for listening to me talk about this fic like a mad man for like ever. 
> 
> Remember to like subscribe and comment and as said above you can reach me at powerfulantidote on Tumblr


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: Discussions of drug abuse, sexual assault, homophobia (including internalized), guys being dicks and then realizing they're being dicks, and overall spooky shit. It's kind of general in the text, but for more information, you can reach out at my tumblr with the same username (powerfulantidote)
> 
> Thanks to my friends. Love you guys

_ “You’re pretty cute when you’re not all sad and shit.” _

_The man kneels over Danton on the floor of the dark bedroom. Bass from the music downstairs shakes the walls around them. Technically, this was a party, but Danton didn’t come here to dance. Most people didn’t like him here. He was Eric’s crazy teen boyfriend who got him in trouble. No one wants to risk ending up like Eric, locked away for six months with the possibility of four with good behavior. _

_One of Eric’s friends hovers over him, told to take care of Danton while Eric was in prison. Taking care of Danton really meant “supplying heroin.” And there was only one way for Danton to pay him back. _

_“That’s it, come here,” he says as he lifts Danton’s shirt up, struggling to get Danton to move in his half-conscious state. _

_Everyone thought it would be Danton’s age that got Eric in trouble. Or maybe his rich parents, or the fact that he was a little insane and had a habit of sleepwalking towards the highway and repeating nonsensical directions when he got blackout drunk. _

_The latter played into it. Eric felt helpless seeing Danton get worse with time. Unable to get help from any therapists, heroin not fending off the kind of craziness that seemed to be programmed into his hardware. He thought maybe it was the location. A change of pace would help and Danton could do so much better somewhere else._

_Oh, and there was more money in selling drugs in California than British Columbia. So California they went. _

_The guy above Danton pulls him up by his hair and kisses him. “I get the appeal of this now,” he says, and Danton knows that he’s the subject of that sentence. _

_They lasted a week in America before authorities found them. Danton got off easy, technically a minor still at seventeen. Eric got sentenced to serve six months. Partially for the drugs, partially for taking Danton with him. Judge deemed it kidnapping. _

_Danton misses him more than he wants to admit. The way he tried to cook with Danton even though they both suck at it. Picking Danton up after school in his beat up car with all the best new cassette tapes. Heating powder over a spoon for both of them because Danton’s too afraid of fire. _

_Most of Eric’s friends blame him, but the ones like the guy on top of him could look past it when Danton was like this. A vulnerable boy they could predict instead of a crazy one with too much risk. Someone fun. Someone clueless. Someone stupid. _

_The guy continues to undress Danton, and Danton’s happy to play the part. If he can act the part, he can get the drugs, and he won’t have to act anymore. _

“Holy shit.” 

Chris snaps Danton out of the memory and back to the present of three skinned deer hanging above them, pelts littering the ground. As if whoever did it wanted them to know this wasn’t out of need. This isn’t for warmth or food- this is for show. Danton jots the observation down in his notebook. 

Everyone’s silent as they take in the scene. Danton avoids looking up as he writes notes and tries to focus only on the job aspect of this. Lucky for the rangers, the rope seems easy to cut off without coming into contact with the deer, but they’d need a harness at that height. He writes a supply list and ignores Sean’s friends circling the sacrificial altar above them. 

Memories linger the same as the deer above him. He’s unsure why he even recalled it. God, Danton hasn’t wanted to shoot up this bad since starting the job. 

“Wait, guys, check it out,” Jake interrupts the silence, the rest circling around him.

The same symbol that decorates the trees on the trail is carved into the backs of the deer, more carefully crafted than it was on the trees on the way here. It feels as if someone ignited Danton’s bones, fire spreading the longer he looks.

Something rotten is in the air, and it’s quite literally hovering above his head. He pulls the brim of his hat down in hopes to shield his eyes. 

“What does this even _ mean _?” Asks Torey, glaring at the symbols as if he’s hoping they’ll answer. 

“Could be a tag, like with graffiti.” Sean offers. 

Torey scratches his head. “I’m no artist, but whoever did it sucks at drawing.” 

“Maybe it was only meant for them, like a way to track what they were doing or something. Maybe we weren’t supposed to get it,” theorizes Chris. 

Sunlight gets in Danton’s line of sight, making the whole scene feel farther away as he retreats further into himself. A part of him feels guilty and he’s not sure why. Bad things just happen when he’s around. Like maybe if he didn’t take this job, none of this would have happened and Sean could have just enjoyed his vacation with his friends. A job he can’t even do correctly as he tries not to panic. Danton’s supposed to be the composed one here, even if ominous dead animals aren’t in the job description, but he’s desperately trying to stay intact. 

“You alright, Danny?” Sean breaks Danton’s train of thought with a soft voice of concern. 

Danton realizes that all four are staring at him, and wipes his sweaty palms on his pants. 

“Don’t call me that.”

“What?”

“Don’t call me Danny. It’s just Danton.” 

The air feels thicker, even more humid. Danton can’t look anyone in the eyes with the sun blinding him. On his right, Torey speaks up. “Okay, just Danton, you notice anything you can tell your buddies on the radio?”

In an attempt to keep his calm, Danton finds a rock to sit on and stare at the ground. It’s too hot right now, too hard to breathe and see and feel anything but the smoldering heat. He pulls the brim of his hat down.

“I don’t think they’re a message, I think they’re directions.”

Sean, the closest to Danton, responds first. “To where?” 

“I-I don’t know yet. I feel like I would if I went there, though?”

Without looking, Danton can feel the frustration from everyone at his unclear answers. He’s just as frustrated with himself. The only one with patience is Sean, something he was never known for but manages to find when it comes to the people he loves.

“Maybe we could search for them, mark them on one of those maps and see if there’s some kind of pattern,” suggests Chris, but Danton isn’t having it. 

“No.” 

Jake laughs in disbelief. “What do you mean? This is the only-”

“We shouldn’t mess with this. I’ll tell the rangers, they can deal with it, but I’m not putting you in danger. It was fun in theory, but it’s my job to keep you safe out here.” 

Voice shaking as he speaks, nothing about Danton emits authority. Still, he believes every word of what he said. He’s not going to ruin Sean and his friend’s lives like he ruined his. 

Torey lets out a long sigh. “Look do you want to help or not-”

“This may not even be anything, Danton, it’s probably just stupid kids.” Sean tries to reason.

“No, I was a stupid kid, and last time I got nosey no one saw me for two weeks. You remember that map, don’t you, Sean?” The words come louder than before, still nervous and dealing with a heat approaching unbearable. 

The group looks at him with more pity now. That’s Danton’s least favorite thing in the world and- fuck, he starts crying. He hates crying. It’s so, so hot out and he wants to sit down but he’s already sitting down and he wonders what his therapist would say right now.

“Let’s call it a night. I think we can all sleep on this, and figure it out in the morning.” Jake declares. Danton feels a lot of respect for him at that moment. 

“The decor here is pretty distracting, anyway,” adds Chris. 

Banter between Sean’s friends serves as a soundtrack as they walk back to the cabin, but Danton’s too shaken up or overwhelmed to pay attention to it. All the words sound far away, unable to focus on much else besides putting one foot in front of the other. The further away from the deer they get, the more fear Danton feels. His hands shake and he becomes more away of the sweat that drips down the back of his neck. He knows he’ll be having nightmares. 

Sean turns and addresses Danton as they close in on the cabin. “You’re gonna be alone up there, aren’t you?”

“Hopefully, unless there’s a possum or something waiting for me,” Danton answers. 

The air has cooled down, even as the sun shines above them. Everything is less suffocating without any noticeable reason for the change. 

“Would you want me to come with you? You know, I just figured I wouldn’t wanna be alone after seeing that.” There’s a certain tender, almost timid way Sean says it as if he’s nervous Danton will laugh at him for the kindness. Admitting to emotion is a bigger risk than searching for ritualistic sacrifice when it comes to a guy like him. 

“It’s not very big, you’ve seen it.” Despite the hesitant words, Danton smiles for the first time since they started hiking back.

“I don’t care, you think it’s any better in a cabin with these three assholes?” 

A few of Sean’s friends playfully shout that they don’t want him either and for Danton to take him, and Chris even throws a stick at him. 

Danton can joke around, too. “Well, I could use the help around the house. There’s so much to clean and so many mouths to feed.” 

“Who are you feeding? The animals?” Sean asks, already handing the cabin keys to Torey having made up his mind. “I’m going to start calling you Rapunzel if you’re in a tower feeding birds.” 

A part of Danton knows it’s not entirely safe for Sean to come with him. Bad things happen when Danton’s around. But how can he say no when Sean smiles like there’s not a touch of evil in the world?

\--- 

_ “I found something,” Danton half-whispers as he approaches Sean from the tree line. He’s late getting to their meeting spot, on the trail to the lake between their cabins. Clocks aren’t easy to access out here. It’s common to lose track of time._

_Moonlight illuminates Danton, a little taller than last summer and hair tucked neatly under a Blue Jays baseball cap. This year, Sean’s gone from seeing him as another friend to a certain kind of beautiful. The kind that makes him nervous when they brush hands or wrestle and Danton gets close to him. _

_“Yeah? I hope it’s a better hat,” replies Sean. _

_Danton flips him off. In his hand is a large, folded piece of paper that kind of reminds Sean of what his mom puts on the baking pan. _

_Wordlessly, Danton sits next to Sean and unravels the crumpled and ripped paper to reveal what looks like the topography maps they used in his Earth Science class with all sorts of marking in red, symbols he doesn’t understand. The map is labeled “Cooper Point,” but the markings don’t seem to correspond with anything of importance. _

_“I found it along the trail, but I don’t know who it’s from. Maybe someone researching the area?” _

_“Look at you, a little scavenger,” teases Sean, receiving a stare from Danton who can’t hold back a smile. Sean has a bad habit of pigtail pulling. _

_“Yeah, call me Agatha Christie,” Danton chuckles. “Maybe we could check out the place’s they X’d off tomorrow. See if there’s buried treasure.” _

_“Tomorrow?” _

_“Yeah, I’m busy on a date with the boy I like tonight.”_

_Sean moves closer to Danton, who puts his head on Sean’s shoulder. “That’s one lucky boy.” _

The fire lookout doesn’t exactly have a dining room, but Danton tells Sean they can eat on the bed. “I won’t tell your mom about it, don’t worry,” he says. Dinner ends up being rice and beans, to which Sean compliments Danton by informing him he’s a much better cook than Sean. The conversation turns into Sean’s worst college cooking disasters and convincing Danton to put two _ Peep _ marshmallows in the microwave when he returns home. 

“They don’t give you guys luxury hotel mattresses, huh?” Sean addresses the topic of sleeping arrangements as night falls over the forest.

“Makes it easier to wake up in case of a fire,” answers Danton, tidying up his space. “I can arrange a sleeping bag for one of us, or we can share. I know it’s close quarters but, I mean, we’ve kissed before.” 

The tone is casual, taking Sean by surprise. He decides against prolonging that conversation and shrugs. “I’m fine with sharing if you’re fine with snoring.” 

“I use melatonin, you could sound like a boat engine next to me and I wouldn’t know.” 

Part of Sean didn’t expect to have this night go so smoothly. Sure, they’ve been getting along fine the past week, but that’s been in a group setting. The conversation still felt natural one on one. There’s a familiarity in Danton that comforts him, but still enough contrast for there to be a balance between the two men. 

Sharing a bed is less of a problem of intimacy and more of practicality. They’re not kids like they used to be, and Sean takes up way more space than Danton who’s nearly bone-thin compared to Sean, an active student-athlete up until last month. The two shuffle around, Danton letting out a laugh at the absurdity as they twist and turn before finally facing each other and accepting that this will take a few minutes to get used to. 

The details of Danton’s face are hard to ignore with only a few inches of distance. Sean takes in every aspect, from his friendly, bright eyes to the tight lipped smile with a certain shyness to it. When they were teenagers, Sean would take the time to appreciate all of this, kissing each side of his face, then his nose, then his lips. It always made Danton laugh, but laying a couple inches apart as adults who’ve been estranged for years is not the time for Sean to think about that. 

If it’s going to be a while before they fall asleep, Sean figures a little conversation won’t hurt anyone. “So, why not Danny? I don’t mind calling you Danton, but when we were kids…”

“That was my ex-boyfriend's' name for me, and it was sweet, but kinda snowballed until people who I shouldn’t have been hanging around started using it for me.” Danton keeps the polite smile on his face. 

“Did you like him?” The words spill out of Sean’s mouth. “Your boyfriend?” 

“Well, he was....he was complicated. But I did. I loved him. He meant well for most of it. He hurt me a lot, I hurt him too. We both saved each other’s asses a few times.”

“Hasn’t been an easy few years for you, huh?” 

Sean feels regret in the naivety of the statement, but Danton doesn’t take offense. He’s never one to be snide. “Mostly my own fault. I looked for trouble.” 

“Is that what you’re doing here? Looking for trouble, or trying to get away from it?” Asking the question is probably pushing Sean’s luck, but if Danton hasn’t shied away from answering yet, there’s no harm in trying.

“Both? Neither?” Danton sighs, but it’s not directed at Sean. “Atonement, I guess. But you’re stuck with me.”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way,” replies Sean. He smiles with all his teeth

Space lacking between them feels more comfortable now than it did just a few minutes ago. It feels like a sleepover, and Sean realizes they’re whispering even though no one’s around to tell them to quiet down. 

“You know, I never forgot about you. Even after everything. Even in rehab, I thought about you a lot,” says Danton, looking up towards the ceiling with his hands folded over the blanket. 

It’s a heavy statement. One that Sean takes a few moments to formulate a response to. 

“You’d write one hell of a blues song,” Sean finally settles on. 

Danton lets out a laugh. “I’m okay with blues. Like it more than some stuff on the current radio.”

“Oh, come on!” Sean says in fake outrage. “Don’t act like you’re too good for the top forties. You don’t like Gwen Stefani? Ja Rule?” 

“I guess Matchbox Twenty is okay-”

“No, fuck Matchbox Twenty,” declares Sean, getting Danton to crack up laughing. “I’m talking about fun music, like Destiny’s Child. What does Destiny’s Child want you to do?” 

With Sean’s faux conviction and straight face, Danton can barely bring himself stop laughing long enough to answer. “Say their name?”

“Exactly! And what do they want you to do when no one is around, Danton?” 

Danton’s still in a fit of giggles. Sean’s not letting him off the hook, so he finally caves and answers. “...Say I love you?” 

No longer able to wait, Sean lets himself laugh with Danton, the other man’s head resting lightly against his. They fall asleep like that and get the best sleep either of them has gotten in a week.

\---- 

Danton should know at this point that he’s a giant pushover. It was inevitable that he would spend multiple days searching the surrounding area for bloody sigil marks while Jake marks them on a pamphlet and hopes to find a pattern. Just like his therapist told him, he needs to learn to say no.

At least the company is okay. They’ve been following one trail of marks for almost a mile now, starting near the lake, and winding through the less scenic parts of the woods. Entertainment comes from making fun of Jake for his four car accidents in one school year, three of which made him late to the same class. 

“We used to call him Mad Max,” Sean tells Danton. 

“Until he started talking in an Australian accent,” adds Chris.

Despite the morbid nature of the voyage, it’s fun being in a group of guys and not feeling out of place- to hang out with people his age in a setting that didn’t revolve around drugs. 

Danton’s trying not to get too attached. They leave in three days, and Sean will be out of his life just as quickly as he came back in. Maybe they’ll exchange phone numbers, but that relies on a future promise. Danton doesn’t put much stock in the future. 

The area they’re walking in now is muddy. A part of Danton knows they’re near the slash and burn clearing despite this being a route he hasn’t taken. Must be getting pretty familiar with the woods.

“So, Danton,” Torey begins after giving Jake some grief for asking if there’s quicksand in the forest. “What were you in jail for?”

Danton almost stumbles from the whiplash of such a sudden question. For a second, he isn’t sure if he’s the one in the wrong for thinking that’s a question you don’t randomly ask. Maybe this is just something people from Ohio do. 

Chris confirms Danton’s suspicions by scolding his friend, “Torey!” 

“What! We gave Jake grief for his life of crime, and it’s not like you’ve been hiding it, right?” The question comes with a shrug of Torey’s shoulders.

Danton gets it. He’s a random guy that only Sean has met before in a woods guiding them around a swamp. If Danton was in Torey’s shoes, he’d want a background check, too. After all, Danton is the one with the bear spray. 

“You don’t gotta-” Sean replies after a moment of tense silence, but Danton cuts him off. 

“No, no, I did tell you guys part of the story, it’s only fair that I finish it.” While Danton empathizes with Torey, he also kind of hates the bad cop act and his choice of retaliation has always been malicious compliance. He tells his story in a mumble, looking at Torey in the eye the whole time. 

“There were two incidents, but the most recent one is a pretty funny story,” Danton chuckles. “See, I didn’t have money or anything, but I didn’t want money, either. All I cared about was heroin. I’m from Vancouver, and it’s the uh, you know, it’s all the rage. So I cut out the middleman and slept with guys for drugs. The older divorced types, a little depressed, they’d get you anything for some company. I’m sure you know the kind.” 

Everyone is silent, Chris shooting a look at Torey that Danton can’t quite read. He continues.

“Okay, maybe you don’t. They all kind of look the same after a while. It made it hard to realize I had run into an undercover cop, especially when, well, he still had sex with me, just arrested me after instead of giving me drugs. Pretty disappointing ending for me, but that’s what happened.” 

There’s blatant discomfort after Danton’s story, everyone quiet and stiff on their walk downhill, which means Danton succeeded in what he was trying to do. He knows who he is, but he refuses to be the only bad guy in his story. A lot of people fucked up. Danton’s never been one for revenge, but he has no problem naming names if he’s asked. 

Chris, always frank, tries to step in. “Well, that’s uh-” 

“Did you guys see that?” Sean interrupts, hissing in a panicked voice.

“See what?” Jake replies loudly, but Sean has already started to step off the trail, if the smoothed road of mud could even be called that.

Stepping over a few shrubs, Sean calls out, “Hey!” 

There isn’t any movement. The group is stiff as a board waiting to see what the danger is. Sean tries one more time. “Hey!” 

“Who are you talking to?” Blurts out Chris. 

If any part of Danton still thought Sean was messing with him about this, it’s completely gone now. There are visible goosebumps on him, despite the warm May weather on his arms. His eyes are wide, mouth slightly agape. It’s easy to tell when Sean is genuine, he has a habit of wearing his heart on his sleeve whether he wants to or not.

“There was, fuck, Chris,” Sean sighs. “There was someone, like, right there. Watching behind the tree. About Torey’s height.”

“Sure it wasn’t a rodent then?” Jokes Jake. 

“Fuck off,” Torey replies, casually. “You’re sure it was a person, though?” 

“I thought so, I mean, maybe it was my eyes playing tricks on me. I don’t know. But I swear to fucking god I saw someone watching us.”

The group stands around for a minute, staring out into the trees and watching for any movement. Any awkwardness felt by Danton’s proud retelling of one of the worst days of his life has been quickly replaced with fear for their own lives. It almost feels like the trees are staring back.

“What was that thing you were telling us about earlier, Sean?” Asks Jake. 

“That liking Buffy the Vampire Slayer is nothing to be ashamed of?” 

“No, shut up, God,” Jake laughs. “About the witch.” 

Danton has no idea what the witch is, but the way Sean’s shoulders tense doesn’t make him very optimistic. 

“Oh, yeah. It was some dumb shit my brother told me. There’s an urban legend with some of the kids in the area, you know, all five of them, that a witch was trying to open a portal to hell by burning four fixtures out here in the woods. I don’t know why four, or where, you’d think they’d want five for a pentagram or some shit. Instead, it’s just a random number. Anyway, people noticed all the fire, and they didn’t have a hose I guess so they burned her alive and that stopped the ritual. Now she gets revenge as a ghost by setting fire to the local kids and you can only stop her by burning her first.” 

“So, Danton’s actually on witch patrol, then?” Teases Chris, shooting a warm smile at Danton. Like an apology for earlier. 

“Not as scary as the moose,” Danton grins.

The story isn’t comforting, but Sean’s commentary helps the group settle down as they make it back to solid land. Marks continue to guide them, at least 50 of them documented by Chris on the map at this point. At no point has there been a fork or there been a place where the marks split in two. 

Danton was right. They’re directions. 

Sean turns to Jake. “Any reason you brought that up?” 

“Well, I was thinking-”

“You never do that.” 

“-What if that’s where these marks are leading us to? We know there’s some a mile north that aren’t a part of this path, maybe there’s like...multiple. But they’re all connected. Like if it’s four fixtures or if maybe something is in the middle of all the paths or something.” 

“Come on, man,” Sean sighs. “I don’t know, maybe. I don’t think it has anything to do with the witch tale. That’s just what they say to make sure kids don’t wander off.”

_ Like we wandered off? _ Danton almost says, but decides against it. He’s almost certain now that they’re heading towards the clearing and there’s a pit in his stomach as he remembers what those campers said to him. That something was watching him, just like Sean thought someone was watching them. 

The constant exposure to weird symbols written in blood for the past hour doesn’t help, either. If he looks at them too long, Danton almost feels nauseous. It’s like trying to look at something with someone else’s glasses on. Or trying to read a language that you kind of know but haven’t practiced in so long. Except Danton doesn’t wear glasses, and he doesn’t speak another language, so he doesn’t know what this is about. 

“Does it,” Chris speaks up as they get to the tree line, looking at the map Jake’s been documenting the trail on. “Does it just...end?” 

“Looks like it. Or maybe it begins on the other side?” Replies Torey. 

Danton folds his arms. “I think it’s leading us here.”

He doesn’t think that. He knows. But he really, really wishes he didn’t. 

The group takes a look around, not going too far as they try to look for any signs or clues for what they’re supposed to be looking at or where they’re supposed to be going to. Jake jokes that this is the part where they dig up the buried treasure, but no one laughs as they turn over rocks or peek behind trees. He’s not sure if it’s because of his conversation the other day, but every time Danton faces away from the open clearing he feels like there’s eyes on his back. Like in war movies when a sniper prepares to shoot someone from above, only Danton’s the target. It’s dumb. There’s no one out to get him. He has to remind himself of that. 

The only person who’s stayed still and quiet is Sean, which speaks volumes in itself to Danton considering Sean is usually eager to let everyone know what he’s thinking in the loudest way possible. 

He looks over his shoulder to Sean from time to time, considering going over and asking him what’s wrong. A small part of Danton wonders if he’s the problem. What if Sean heard his story and- 

“We have to get out of here.” Sean blurts out the sudden warning. 

“What do you mean?” Asks Torey. “We just got here, we’ve been trying to-”

“Something’s not right about this. And I’m scared that if we’re here any longer we’re gonna end up like those deer.” 

There’s no evidence for Sean’s reasoning, but there doesn’t need to be. Someone doesn’t claim something like that for no reason. If he’s that scared, then it’s their job as friends to get him out of there. Danton especially feels responsible as the only one who works here. 

They don’t run, at least not right away. They hustle and talk less, but they’re not running. 

Until they hear the screaming. The gut-wrenching, bone-chilling screaming. Then, they run like kids on a playground, kicking up dirt and never stopping to catch their breath. It’s not an option. There’s no stopping. Coyotes or not, no one wants to find out nor face any of the possibilities. They don’t say a word until they’re at the cabin as they all think the same thing: Sean is right. We need to get out of here. We’re not safe out here. 

The screaming almost seems to follow them, never getting quieter until they’re near the cabin where it becomes faint background noise. It feels almost silly after, to run from what’s probably distant danger like kids. But no one regrets doing it. 

“Do you want me to come with you again? To the tower?” Sean interrupts Danton’s train of thoughts, voice shaking a little.

The screaming now is a distant echo, like running water. With the threat far away Danton thinks more clearly about who he’s supposed to be protecting. 

“No, I’ll be fine. You should stay with your friends, be safe.” Danton says. 

“What about you?” Sean asks. “Who’s keeping you safe?” 

The sentiment is sweet, innocent enough to almost make Danton burst into laughter. He keeps a straight face and doesn’t say what’s on his mind, coming up with something more acceptable. “I work here. That’s what all the rangers are for.” 

Sean scrunches up his nose, a wariness that he corrects so fast that Danton almost misses it. He doesn’t push the subject anymore. 

They part ways, and for the first time in a long time, Danton’s aware of how alone he’s been. Nightmares are the only thing keeping him company tonight. 

_ “Danton.” _

_This is the seventh therapist Danton has seen since he was fourteen. Usually he ditches the appointments, having given up on himself way before his parents did. Eventually, they stopped trying to make him go. _

_It’s a little different here. First, he’s in rehab, so there’s not exactly more exciting places to be. Second, it’s court mandated, so if he did try to escape and go to, like, Disney World, he’d be in a world of trouble._

_“You know we won’t release you until you talk, right,” The therapist said as she leaned over in her chair, as if she was telling Danton some big secret. Danton thinks her name is Mindy. Or Mandy. _

_He does know that. It doesn’t make it any easier to figure out where to start, especially when the most logical place to begin with is two weeks of time he doesn’t actually have any memory of. _

_They know all about the disappearance. It’s in his chart. _

_“I know you think you’re beyond help,” She cuts to the chase, almost whispering. “You’re not, we can help you. But only if you let us.” _

\---

Hiking went better today. Sean hasn’t been able to shake the feeling of being watched, but he’s chalked it up to paranoia. There’s nothing interesting enough about five men plotting their fourth trail of maybe-dried-blood to nowhere for the third day in a row to keep someone, or something, watching.

Unlike the first trail that took two days to get through, the next three were shorter and follow easier terrain, making it far quicker to plot. They have a method to the madness by now. All of the trails had two things in common: The marks got further apart the longer you follow it, and abruptly stopped at some kind of dead end. Two clearings, a rocky side of a mountain, and a large pond. There might be more trails out there, but the fourth was the last one they could find. 

The group headed back to Danton’s fire lookout tower to try to figure out, well, anything on the information they collected and eat. Danton’s radio’s been silent all day, but he’s still worried about being away from his base for too long and missing something. Especially with how dry it’s been. 

A part of Sean wonders if Danton will continue the search once they leave, and if he would be safe continuing it alone. It’s a part of Sean that has gotten louder with only two days left in the woods, that kept him up last night when he slept alone and nagged at him all day through the woods. They’ve only just begun to get anywhere. How can he leave already? 

There’s something still out there in the woods. Sean saw it himself. The longer he felt like he was being watched today, the more certain he became that he couldn’t leave Danton to fend for himself again.

“I think I’m going to stay,” Sean declares the second they settle into Danton’s tower. His three friends are bent over the table, studying the map to find patterns and barely pay any mind to the statement Sean makes from a few steps back. 

Looking up from the stove, Danton asks, “You mean tonight?” 

Sean keeps a calm, steady tone to his words that he certainly doesn’t feel. He’s hoping he can fake it enough that his friends won’t freak out. 

“No. I mean I’m not going to go home with everyone else in two days.” 

The tone doesn’t help him out. Everyone stops what they’re doing. 

“How the hell do you plan on _ getting _ home?” Torey, the first to be practical, asks. “We drove a rental out here, you can’t hike to Missoula.” 

Sean’s thought about that. “I’ll fake sick to a park ranger and get them to give me a ride to Missoula. You know I’m very convincing.” 

Not enough to convince Torey, who rolls his eyes. Or Jake, who jumps in with the next concern before Torey can. “What about your parents? They’re going to think we, like, murdered you and buried you in the woods.” 

His parents are going to be mad. Sean knows that, but he also knows they can live with that. Flights are expensive, this is more time that he’s not looking for a job to help replenish his savings. 

But this matters. Danton matters. His parents were well off. Money can wait. 

“They won’t think you killed me, they know I’m stupid. Just tell them I’m checking out some jobs nearby.” 

Jake and Torey turn to Chris for his objection next, like this is a round table interrogation to see what Sean has and hasn’t thought of. Chris only shrugs. “You’re my best friend, so it would suck if you got lost out here forever. But I trust you to know what you’re doing. Don’t be stupid.” 

The person whose opinion matters most on this won’t look up at Sean. Danton’s gripping the sides of the stove, staring down at the burners as if he’s in pain. A few beats of silence pass. He realizes they’re waiting for him to talk.

“No,” Danton says, voice shaking. 

“What?” Sean immediately responds. 

“No, you’re not staying. You’re going home with everyone else and I can handle the forest because that’s my job. There’s no reason for you to stay here and worry your parents and everyone else back home.”

Sean shoots back. “You’re my reason.” 

Not able to wait any longer, Torey speaks up. “I know you want to be a hero, Sean, but you’re going to get yourself killed. There are other ways you can stick it to the man that doesn’t put you in danger.” 

“We haven’t even been in any real danger yet, c’mon.” Sean answers. 

“We had to sprint back to the cabin yesterday. If there wasn’t any real danger, what would you even be searching for?” Replies Torey, shaking his head. “The only reason none of us have gotten hurt yet is because we’re in a group. I don’t think you should play with fire alone.” 

“I won’t be alone. Danton’s here, and he knows these woods better than any of us.” 

“Maybe that’s exactly what I’m worried about!” 

The argument has culminated into yelling while Danton focuses on stirring the food. He looks up once he hears Torey’s response, crossing his arms and biting his lip.

“What does that mean?” Pushes Sean.

“You barely fucking know this guy, I mean, Jesus Christ, you haven’t talked in eight years and all you know about what happened between then and now is he did a lot of drugs and got arrested. Is that who you should be out here with?” 

“Torey!-” Chris practically jumps out of his seat to intervene, but Danton speaks up. 

“No, Torey’s right,” Danton steps back from the stove, making rare eye contact with Torey. “Torey, you have no reason to think I’m not some junkie whore. I am. Sean, you have your whole life ahead of you. You did enough, let me take it from here.” 

Danton’s calm and collected words make the room tenser than it was during the yelling. 

Taking a few steps closer to Danton, Sean argues, “Your life isn’t over, stop acting like it. I’m not letting you do this alone. I don’t want to waste my life working on things that aren’t important because it’s easier, and you’re so much more important than having to buy another flight home.” 

There’s a characteristic Sean’s mother has consistently praised him for and warned him about the trouble it’ll get into. He’s determined to the point of being hellbent. Once he sets his mind on something, he’ll get it. It came in handy in sports, not so much in life decisions where he could never figure out the end goal in the first place. 

Sean thinks of the warning now, as his friends slowly back down and accept that Sean’s not going anywhere no matter how many objections he makes. 

“If it gets bad, I’m getting a ranger to pull you out.” Danton states seriously, before forcing a smile and adding, “Remember, I’m the one with the walkie talkie here.” 

Dinner is awkward. Jake and Chris carry most of the conversation and tell Danton about pranks they pulled on their RA in their freshman year of college and Danton thanks them for not pulling those same pranks on him during the past two weeks. They remind him there’s still two more days before he’s in the clear. 

Sean’s too pissed off at Torey to speak. He plans to stay quiet on the walk back to their cabin, but Chris addresses the tension as soon as they’re out of earshot. 

“So what the hell was that about, Torey?” 

Exhaling, Torey puts his hands in his pocket. He knows he fucked up. “Look, I just want to make sure I see Sean again-”

“I’m a grown fucking adult, man. I can make my own decisions.” Sean interrupts. The silent treatment is not a game he’s very good at. 

Without waiting for a response, Sean continues. “Danton’s his own person too, and I need you to treat him like one. He did heroin, he’s not part of the mob. I don’t think any of us would have handled going missing for two weeks and not knowing why any better, the least we can do is not make him feel worse.” 

“Danton’s been a bro the whole time,” Jake interrupts. “He fed us and checked out the campsite himself when he didn’t have to. He even let me try on his hat. Drugs don’t make someone good or bad or anything.”

“Besides, Sean could take him in a fight if it came down to it.” Chris winks. “And he really is clean, if that’s your worry. It’s not like the bears can sell opioids.” 

“Clearly, you’ve never been to Michigan,” jokes Torey, getting a good laugh out of everyone. 

The words settle as they get closer to the cabin. It’s dark now except for the stars hanging over them, the first clear night in a few days. There’s no screaming or howling today. 

As soon as they’re inside, Torey pulls Sean aside. “Sean, I’m sorry. I should have talked about it with you privately instead of yelling in front of everyone. Especially Danton. I know he means well.” 

Sean nods, letting Torey keep talking. It’s a nice reminder why they’re friends. Torey may let his emotions get the best of him at times, but he’s always quick to reflect. Something Sean admires.

“Stay safe, okay? I’m not kidding. I was wrong to act like Danton didn’t deserve my respect, but he is right. You have your whole life ahead of you, and so does he. So if either of you gets hurt, you’re going to get a lecture,” concludes Torey.

The sentiment is sweet, and Sean sleeps better than he has in weeks. He’s going to miss Jake, Chris, and Torey when they leave, but he can’t help but get butterflies thinking of being all alone with Danton.

\--- 

West Fork Ranger Station is the closest station Danton can hand in his weather reports and pick up his rations at, but it’s still an all-day hike. Danton didn’t realize how out of shape he was until he came out here and had to walk multiple miles a day.

Today is the last day Sean’s friends are in town. It makes the most sense to take the trip out to the station today to give them some privacy to say goodbye. That, and Sean didn’t have a lot of food left, meaning that he’s Danton’s mouth to feed now. He makes a mental note to tease Sean about all the responsibility he’s putting on him. 

The station itself looks like something out of a cartoon. A log cabin with browns and greens surrounded by pine trees. The eerie feeling of isolation that feels so natural near the fire lookout melts away the closer Danton gets to West Fork, even as he almost gets lost three times. Too much walking lately, especially in this heat. 

He arrives just after noon, heading straight to the “employees only” room after giving his paperwork to the secretary. 

“Heinen!” One of the rangers, whose names he can’t remember but apparently remembers him, shouts. The man who called his name is sitting across from another ranger, playing cards with him. _ Tax dollars at work _ Danton thinks, then realizes he’s been spending too much time around Americans. 

“How are you?” Danton answers generically without really asking, grabbing hot food from the communal kitchen. It’s nice to have something different from the rations. 

“Doing good, working the best job in the world.” The man, who Danton is close enough to see his nametag reads Backes, answers. “Still can’t believe you’re working a tower out here at your age. I was all about wreaking havoc in my twenties.” 

“You still are,” a retort comes from the other park ranger.

It’s sweet seeing Backes so...optimistic about the job. Something about it gives Danton an ounce of hope about his future that he was so certain he destroyed with self sabotage. 

Danton grabs his lunch and sits next to the two. The other ranger, who he sees has the last name Halak, follows Backes’ train of thought. “There someone waiting for you at home?”

“Yeah, Heinen, got a pretty Canadian girl?” Backes teases.

Part of Danton considers if it would be easier to jump out the window than to continue this conversation. “No, no one’s waiting for me. Maybe I’ll find a cute mermaid to take home from one of the lakes.” 

The two men chuckle. Danton picks at his food, silence falling over them. There’s still some work for Danton to take care of. 

“Hey, Backes? I radioed about a couple that seemed to be in distress at Cooper Point a few days back, maybe six days ago, did you hear anything on the radio about it?” 

“Couple?” Backes scrunches his nose. “Got a call about a family with kids, but not a couple. Cassidy didn’t give you an update?” 

Danton shakes his head. He crumples up his lunch wrappers, finishing it in record time. For the most part, his appetite has returned since he’s been here. First time in years that he’s actually felt hungry. 

Conversation continues between Backes and Halak while Danton gathers the supplies he’s got to take back with him, grabbing new batteries to go with the food and an extra water bottle for Sean. He nearly misses it when Backes calls for him again.

“Heinen?” 

Danton turns around to face Backes.

“You know, there was a kid who went missing here a while back, my first year actually. Same last name, I think. Did you know him?” 

With a shake of his head, Danton looks away from the two men. It’s always been easier to lie than he wants it to be. “Must be a weird coincidence.”

\--- 

Danton makes it back to the fire lookout in time to see Chris, Jake, and Torey off. The four spent the morning moving Sean’s belongings into the fire lookout, everyone agreeing it’s safer for Danton and Sean to stick together.

Goodbyes are awkward. They’re not something Danton’s ever been particularly good at. Especially when they’re with people he met a week prior and spent most of the bonding time they’ve had was searching for a mysterious, unseen force in the forest. 

The first to get it over with is Jake, hovering in the doorway and clutching his backpack close. “You know, you could liven this place up. Maybe get some lights. Or a lava lamp.” 

That’s about what Danton expected from him. He pats Jake on the shoulder, “Stay safe, yeah?” 

On the contrary, Danton has no idea what Torey will say to him considering the argument two days ago. They’ve avoided speaking to each other directly all day yesterday and Danton can’t bring himself to look Torey in the eyes. But now he’s in front of Danton, light wash jeans and a denim jacket, bag slung over one shoulder. He pulls Danton into one of those awkward bro hugs, and Danton _ really _ is not expecting that. For a moment, he’s stiff, but let’s himself relax into Torey. 

“I’m sorry for being such a dick,” begins Torey, but Danton doesn’t let him finish.

“You have nothing to apologize for. You just want Sean to be safe, and I want that, too.” Danton speaks low enough that Sean can’t hear him from across the room, not wanting him to feel patronized. 

Torey gives him one last smile, eyes friendly even in the worst times, before he steps outside. Part of Danton feels at peace with that closure. There’s no guarantee he’ll ever see Torey again, but he’s someone who means a lot to Sean. Meaning he’s someone that Danton wants to be in good graces with. 

Only Chris remains. Sean steps outside to the porch to see his friends out, but Chris hangs back in the tower for a moment and positions himself so his back is to the door.

“Danton… I think you’re a good guy, you know that, right?”

Danton nods, completely unsure of why Chris is talking like a mob boss. 

“I’m putting a lot of my trust in you, Sean’s...well, Sean is my best friend.” Drawing out the sentence, Chris reaches into his pocket Part of Danton wonders if he’s going to get the shovel talk about a guy he hasn’t kissed in eight years. “I think we both would do what we have to to keep him safe.”

Nodding, Danton tries to sound confident in his reply. “I’m going to get a ranger to pull him out if it gets too dangerous.”

Chris pulls his hand out of his pocket, clutching something Danton can’t make out in his fist. 

“I want you to take this,” he moves closer to Danton, opening his palm to reveal a small pocket knife. The handle is wooden, looking aged against the freshly sharpened blade. As Danton takes it and turns it over in his hand, he notices Chris’ initials are carved into the handle. 

The weight feels heavy in Danton’s hand. This is too much for him to take from someone he only just met. “You don’t have to, I have bear spray, and-” 

“No, I want you to have it. I know you got your own means of protection or whatever, but I want you to have something that only you and me know about.” 

Uncertainty clouds Danton. Chris continues to reason with him.

“It would make me feel better. The thing is cheap as hell, don’t worry about it being some antique handed down to me. I got it at a gas station when I turned eighteen.” Laughter escapes Chris’s mouth. 

“Chris! You’re going to be sleeping under Danton’s bed if you don’t hurry up!” Yells Jake from outside. 

Chris takes one last look at Danton, flashing him his signature sly grin before heading out the door. The chatter from outside fades out as Sean walks his friends down the stairs to say goodbye on his own. Guilt washes over Danton to the point of being unable to move, clutching the knife Chris gave him for dear life. He hopes with everything in him he won’t have to use it. He hopes the compelling questions of the woods go unanswered until they aren’t so compelling anymore and Sean can go home unharmed. 

Most importantly, Danton prays to God that he isn’t putting Sean in danger by allowing him to stay, and he hasn’t been on speaking terms with God in quite a while. 

“Cassidy for Heinen, over,” Cassidy’s voice rings out from his walkie talkie, startling Danton. 

“Go for Heinen, over.” As Danton responds, he hears Sean open the door behind him. He turns around and points to the communicator to let Sean know he’s talking to his boss. 

“Halak said there’s a group of campers near Second Tip Pond, almost an eighth of a mile directly north of you, signaling for help. We’re sending search and rescue over but I figured you’re way closer than any of our guys, can you go and help with any immediate distress until SAR arrives? Over.” 

It’s not unusual for the National Park Service to ask Danton for his help in non-fire related incidents. That’s his priority, but with Cooper Point far from the main trails, it’s all hands on deck. Sean raises an eyebrow at him, and Danton shrugs. 

“On it. I’ll let you know when I find them, over.” 

Quiet occupies the room for a moment before Sean speaks up. “It still makes me laugh that you guys actually say ‘over.’” 

“Don’t be jealous just ‘cause you don’t have a talkie,” teases Danton. “I’m going to check that out, are you going to be okay here alone?” 

Sean makes eye contact with Danton and, God, it’s hard for Danton not to look at him and get distracted by his bright eyes or wide shoulders. This isn’t the time to work through that. 

“Me? Yeah, I’ll be okay. I’m going to try to figure out some kind of pattern in this fucking map, and then maybe I’ll read your diary.” Sean flops down on the bed, turning to grin at Danton. Returning the smile is inevitable when Sean looks at him like that. 

Now’s still not the time, but there isn’t much else to think about on Danton’s walk to find the campers besides Sean. There’s a reason why his friends are as protective of him as they are. He’s a guy who exudes good faith, who puts passion into everything in hopes for return on investment. Not exactly foolish, but he’s willing to risk too much even when he shouldn’t. 

Danton’s the risk here. He knows that, and that it’s not entirely a good thing. It’s been a long time since someone’s believed in him without making him feel like a charity case. 

The sun is going down behind the tree lines. Danton’s just about to pull out his flashlight when he hears something to his right. “Hey! Hey!”

Turning, Danton see’s two men standing next to a woman sitting on the ground, leg outstretched. 

“You work here, right?” One of the men yells at Danton.

“Yeah, I do. You signal for help?” Danton makes his way over, trying to push away the memory of the last campers he encountered on his own. 

The woman on the ground has a twisted ankle, and there’s not much Danton can do for them other than radio in the exact coordinates and that they should immediately be bringing this group to the hospital. He’s keeping them company until then, and Danton isn’t exactly great at small talk. 

“Have you hiked here before?” Danton tries after he’s given all essential information to search and rescue on the radio. That’s all the group needs to start telling him enthusiastic camping stories about scaring each other and drinking around the lake. 

“We probably shouldn’t be telling you about all the drinking we do here,” The girl laughs after one particularly wild story. “Aren’t you a ranger? Promise we got nothing on us now.” 

“Not a ranger, fire watch. I just make sure the place doesn’t burn down,” explains Danton, still using his friendly smile for talking to patrons.

Confusion crosses the group's face, the girl furrowing her eyebrows. “I don’t want to be mean, but shouldn’t you be a little busy right now?” 

There’s been a few times Danton’s thought that himself on a particularly slow day, but he doesn’t think the group is calling him lazy. The sky is clear, no smoke for days that wasn’t from a small campfire. 

“What do you mean?” Asks Danton.

“Well, someone told us there was immediate fire danger,” The man standing over Danton explains, a midwestern accent prominent in his voice. “We thought it was a little strange, ‘cause it’s clear as a glass out here and we didn’t get any warnings, but he said he was one of y’all.”

Before Danton can question further, the other gentleman adds on. “Didn’t have the same uniform. He had one of those lab coats. It was strange, but I’m not some expert on what’s best to wear when fighting fires.”

Danton’s heart rate skyrockets. There’s no other fire lookouts for miles upon miles. If someone made the trip out there, they didn’t tell Danton. And they sure as hell weren’t wearing a lab coat. No one from the National Park Service would be. 

If someone’s pretending to be doing Danton’s job in the area that isn’t him, it could get him in trouble if information spreads wrong. Worse, it could get hikers like these hurt. 

He tries to steady his breathing and addresses the group. “Where was this? That you saw this man?

“It was in that big patch of dead grass. Pretty depressing area, so we weren’t all that upset about it.” 

“Just west of the lake?” Danton knows the answer to that question. It has to be the same patch where the trail of symbols end. Where he met those campers who disappeared. Where Sean saw something in the trees. 

They nod, confirming Danton’s worries. He tries not to freak out right there and then and continue with the small talk, but his heart is beating so fast that he can feel it in his throat and hear it in his ears and can’t focus on much else. He’s sweating again, and by the time search and rescue comes to get the campers, he’s barely breathing. 

It’s hard to get up and walk back to the tower, knowing that someone is out there who shouldn’t be. Who’s doing harm and may be involved in more harm that Danton doesn’t know about. Someone who’s definitely seen Danton without him noticing. 

And now he has to walk back. Alone. 

_ “Are they always watching you like this?” _ Danton recalls the sentence as he begins making his way uphill and through the trees. Is who watching him? The man in the lab coat? Something even worse that maybe the man was warning campers about? Whoever left those symbols? 

The question doesn’t make any sense still but Danton just knows the answer is yes. That something is in these woods that are watching him and maybe have always been watching him. A watchful eye he can’t escape and feels every time he makes a mistake. More tangible than the divine but still unclear who exactly is holding him accountable and for how long. 

Danton grabs on to tree trunks to stay on his feet even as his stomach twists in on the thought and he has to try not to gag. Has something been watching since he was fourteen? Since he was born? His hands shake as they try to grab on for anything solid to keep him upright. Maybe it is God, punishing him for who he is. For sneaking out and kissing his neighbor and for getting high instead of going to class and for spending more time in the beds of men old enough to be his dad than he did with his actual parents. Maybe all of the things he did to try to hide from his fate just ensured it more. He falls to the ground. 

When Danton started training here, a fellow fire lookout told him that she hoped he’d never have to smell burning flesh out here. How unforgettable it was and how it stuck with you until your very last breath. Danton can’t be sure of it, but he thinks he’s smelling that right now. There’s no one around and no fire but he swears he knows it just like she said and it’s suffocating him. Maybe it’s his own skin and maybe he’s in hell, maybe that’s the fire the guy in the lab coat was warning the group about. 

It’s hot the same way it was when they were near the skinned deer but Danton isn’t sweating this time. He’s holding himself, leaning against the trunk of a tree and repeating that he’s sorry for everything. There’s nothing Danton wouldn’t give right now for something cool, some relief. 

Like a cool metal table he laid on as a kid but the memory only exists in his shoulder blades and he can’t place the where and when of when it was, never has. The cool of a bathtub he’d been throwing up in for days before his court date as his mother yells asking why he wants to die, demanding logic from her crazy son. The tone of her voice sounding like one of someone he can’t recognize telling him he’ll follow directions if he doesn’t want his mother to die. 

None of it relieves him from the heat until he remembers the cool water as he swam near the waterfall with Sean. Water so gentle on the skin against hot summer days and the way Sean would try to impress him with all his swimming techniques. Of course, Danton had the advantage of being from the coast, but he’d pretend that Sean was showing him for the first time so that Sean felt cool. 

They called it Ollie Falls. After Sean’s childhood dog. 

It’s enough to get him up. To walk against the smell of burning flesh and fire nipping at his ankles. He just has to make it to the waterfall. He just has to make it to Ollie falls. 

_ “This one’s called the Combat Side Stroke, and it’s what Navy SEALs use. I don’t know if they use it in Canada” explains Sean. It’s been two weeks since their families have arrived back to their cabins and Danton and Sean have spent hours a day with each other since. They’ve been at the waterfall for at least three hours already today. _

_“I think Canadian seals just kind of flap their hands,” jokes Danton, with his best seal impersonation. _

_Sean rolls his eyes, but he’s laughing anyway. “It makes it so you can’t really see them in the water. See, I’m gonna try it, and you’re gonna know I’m there, but if you didn’t, it’d be hard to see.”_

_This is how it’s been going all morning. It’s less Sean trying to teach Danton how to swim and more Sean trying to show off all the cool things he learned in his swim class. Not that it’s really effective in the shallow lake. _

_Danton can see him clear as day but pretends to be shocked anyway when he surfaces. “You got that down pretty good, I’m impressed.” _

_The compliment makes Sean blush. “I was hoping you would be.”_

__ I was hoping you’d kiss me _ Danton almost replies, but stops himself. They have their whole lives for that. _

\---

Sean’s been staring at this map for what feels like hours. If he studied this hard in college, he could have been on the dean's list. Not that he’s doing that great right now. The majority of his time in the lookout tower since Danton left has been spent imagining himself as a codebreaker in a war instead of actually doing any work.

Time isn’t totally wasted. Sean’s figured out that each path acted like a spiral, starting at one point and circling outwards, before stopping at a dead end. An open area where trees are scarce. What’s more troublesome is where they stop seems to face each other, as if pointing to something with the end of the spiral that the paths are centered around. 

The area that centers the paths is just rocky terrain with nothing significant to say about it, just like the dead ends. Sean cannot figure out the significance for the life of him. 

Danton may know, with his knowledge of the forest. Or one of his coworkers. Except Sean is pretty certain that he heard the chopper go by an hour ago and Danton still isn’t back. Maybe he had to talk to them about something. The area he was sent to was twenty minutes away at best. 

Sean was antsy. It’s getting dark. He doesn’t like the idea of Danton out there by himself with whatever is making those noises in the woods, with whoever left those symbols on the trees. 

Looking for someone without a walkie talkie of his own is a pretty dumb idea, the kind that Chris and Torey would yell at him for. Jake would support him, which makes the vote two a side in this hypothetical counsel meeting. 

Fifteen minutes pass. There’s no sign of Danton. Fuck it, Sean grabs his flashlight and compass and heads outside. He stayed out here to do the right thing and take risks.

Sean starts with the directions he overheard on the walkie talkie, an eighth of the mile north. There’s no chopper in the air anymore, and no sounds of voices. The woods are still in that odd way where it feels as if the trees are holding their breath, careful not to make a sound in the wind. Like they’re hiding from something. Sean isn’t so gentle in his pursuit, pushing branches aside and getting more and more frantic over time. 

He’s not here. He’s not anywhere. Fuck. 

There’s not even a sign of Danton, no discarded wrapper or messed up bush. Sean doesn’t know where to go next. Could start with the lake, or maybe he’s already back at the tower and they just missed each other. But Sean knows the answer in his gut. He’s got to go to the clearing. 

The whole thing feels familiar in a way that makes Sean’s stomach churn. 

_ “I don’t want you looking for Danton. There are park rangers whose jobs are to do that. The last thing I need is my own kid going missing.” Sean’s mother is stern over breakfast. They’ve been keeping a tight leash on their kids for the past few days as the search for Danton gets more and more hopeless. _

_There’s no sign of him anywhere. Sean remembers a ranger telling him on day one that usually a piece of clothing is left behind, or a shoe, maybe some blood in the bad cases. There’s none of that for Danton. It’s like he vanished into thin air._

_“The park rangers are bad at their jobs,” Sean retorts. They should have found something by now. Sean could have found something by now if his parents would let him leave unsupervised._

_Each second that passed since Danton was last seen puts more suspicion on Danton’s parents, that something was planned. On one hand, Sean’s met Danton’s parents. They were nice to him and let him have sweets after dinner and gave him some cool hockey cards. Not the kind of people that pop into Sean’s head when he thinks about a child's disappearance._

_At the same time, Sean thinks of Danton’s paranoia around getting caught with him. That his parents would be so mad, how they wouldn’t be happy unless he married a woman. Sean doesn’t know the extent of the anger and how much of it was Danton’s own anxiety. He never asked. _

_He wishes he did, because now all he can think about is what might have happened if Danton’s parents caught him sneaking out. If they did find out and get mad in the way Danton feared. _

_Nobody can find a trail to Danton, but maybe Sean can. He knows more than anyone else right now and he’s not sure how much to say. And it’s eating him away. _

In the middle of the clearing is Danton. Sean knows it before he sees his face. The frailness of his body and his hair glowing in the little sunlight there is left. He’s laying on his side, head resting against his hand and legs curled up a little bit. As if he just fell asleep right here. 

Instincts warn Sean against speaking. Everything is too still, too quiet, it be like breaking some unspoken rule. Some rules are meant to be broken.

“Danton?”

He doesn’t move, and Sean moves closer to him like he would a feral dog. Afraid of what might happen next. Afraid of what might have already happened when Sean was away. Once he’s close enough, Sean can see Danton’s eyes are barely open, as if he was just woken up. There’s no visible wounds or blood, and he seems to be more or less untouched. 

Kneeling down in front of Danton, Sean takes his hand. “Hey, bud.” He doesn’t get a verbal response from Danton, but there is a slight smile on his face, the corners of his mouth barely quirking up. Like this is all the energy he could muster. “Let's get you home,” Sean decides. 

Carrying another adult man a mile or so is by far one of the hardest things Sean’s had to do physically. For the first time in his life, he’s thankful for bag skates. He notices on the walk home that Danton’s arm seems to contain a wound. A small prick in the arm, like where a doctor would draw blood. Could have been a thorn from a bush. It’s the only physical harm that he looks to have sustained while gone. 

Sean narrates the trip back for Danton to comfort him, but doesn’t get a response until he’s helping Danton up the stairs of the tower.

“We would’ve liked this place as kids. It coulda been our own hiding place.” 

The words are painful for reasons Sean doesn’t have the energy to try to place. He just wants things to be okay. Just wants Danton to be okay. “What about now? What do you like about it now that you’re, you know, all grown up as they say.”

There’s no lock on the door to the lookout. Why would there be? Who’s going to rob you out here? Sean gets them inside and sits Danton on the bed. He looks pale, eyes glassy. 

The answer comes as Sean reaches to get water for Danton. “I like, the, uh, observations. Sitting and watching. I track...the plants, I track them. Animals. I like to track them. They’re still, it’s so still out here. So still.” 

Struggling to get the words out coherently, Danton gulps down some water before flopping back down on the bed. He looks distant, like he’s looking at something farther than Sean can see. The explanation continues.

“Nature, it really doesn’t...it just doesn't, uh, give a shit. Nature doesn’t care. Who you are or what you’ve done. It doesn’t matter out here. Doesn’t matter.” 

There’s been numerous times in their friendship where Sean talks and talks and Danton listens. Today, it’s Sean’s turn to listen up as Danton spouts something that’s barely a step above nonsense. Sean plays with Danton’s hair as he talks himself to sleep, listing plants and their uses to Sean like he’s reciting a speech for a ninth grade science class. They stay like that until the sun is completely out of view and Danton can’t keep his eyes open.

Tomorrow, they’ll do something fun. Something less about Danton’s near death experience and more about the stillness he admires out here. Sean decides, yes, tomorrow they’ll go for a swim.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings from early chapters apply here. Particularly avoid the parts in italics if descriptions of abuse or drug addiction are worries. 
> 
> Sorry this one took a hot second. Danton got traded, then an entire pandemic broke out. You know how it goes.

Blacking out and random meltdowns don’t surprise Danton anymore. Before he came here, family members had gotten used to calls from concerned neighbors that Danton was wandering the highway again, and Eric always joked that he needed extra locks in his apartment to keep Danton inside. Odd behaviors that became a part of Danton after he went missing. Ones that he’s been learning to live with: first with drugs, and now with...well, he hasn’t found a new coping skill. 

But Sean is only now learning about Danton’s quirks and hasn’t seen him have an episode before. He’s been fussing over Danton all morning, cleaning the wound on his arm and taking to cooking breakfast. Danton’s thankful, even if Sean somehow makes the food taste worse than normal. 

“We should stop by the lake,” Sean announces after they’ve finished eating. “Get clean and do some swimming. Like when we were kids.” 

Danton looks up from the weather instruments on his desk. “You know, I still have a job to do.”

After hesitating for a moment, Sean walks to the window. He pokes his head out, shields the sun out of his eyes in an exaggerated motion and peers left to right outside. “Weird. I don’t see any fires. There. Work finished.” 

Three seconds of holding Sean’s stare pass before Danton bursts out laughing.

“Okay, fine. I have to finish this report and update an advisory for my boss. If nothing else comes up, we can go.” 

No additional work arises as Danton wraps up his reports, but that's expected in what’s normally a pretty quiet job. A fire lookout’s job is mainly in case of emergency. If you have nothing to do, that’s a good thing. The amount of search and rescue or ranger calls Danton’s been involved in is extremely unusual.

They leave for the lake a little after noon. Sean teases Danton for making him put on sunscreen before leaving the tower, but Danton’s just thankful that he won’t have to hear Sean whine all night if he gets sunburnt. Even if Sean calls him a mom for it. 

“So,” Sean begins a little more serious, more hesitant. “Do you remember anything about last night? It’s...you know, it’s okay if not, I’m not interrogating you or anything.” 

Danton runs his hand through his hair and laughs. “No, it’s okay. I know I freaked you out a little. We, uh, we had a group of campers who had an injury, twisted ankle, said they saw someone in the woods and when they went to check it out-” 

A realization hits Danton. He’s only giving Sean a half-truth answer, the kind where he takes out the weird shit to make it more believable. The version of the truth he perfected over the years when talking to his parents and therapist once he got sick of being told he was crazy. Or worse, making up things.

Except this is Sean. If anyone is going to believe him, it’s Sean. 

Danton sighs and tries again. “They said there was a guy in a lab coat, out in that clearing where the first trail on the map ends. The one you found me in, and that he told the group they needed to move because there was fire danger and he was a fire lookout.” 

Sean raises an eyebrow, not entirely understanding the significance. 

“I’m the only fire lookout in the area. None of us wear lab coats. If he’s pretending to be me, or do my job, it seems...personal. I don’t know.” Clarifies Danton. 

Maybe it’s not safe to talk about this here, worries Danton. If something is looking for him, they could be listening now. He peers over his shoulder before continuing.

“I don’t know how much of what I remember after that is real, I was just trying to make it back to the tower and I couldn’t calm down. Sometimes it’s like...” 

Sean keeps his eyes on Danton, wide and genuine as if nothing else in this massive forest that’s trying to kill them is as interesting as Danton’s inability to articulate. A look that makes Danton’s heart sink, makes him want to cry at the action of being listened to. It’s been a long time since anyones been listening.

Instead, he takes deep breaths, like his last therapist always said to do, and forces the rest of the words out. 

“Sometimes it’s uh, kinda like my head gets too loud. Some kind of constant echoing and I can’t even hear myself, or it’s like there are strobe lights inside me and I’m underwater at the same time. Like I feel everything at once, but I’m not sure which part of it is actually happening and which parts I’m just afraid are going to happen. I try to slow it down, my therapist gives me all these techniques, but it’s never enough.” 

Sean has always had a way of making everything a little easier, and now is no different. “I get it. Well, I don’t really get it, I don’t want to act like my shit is anything as intense as yours or I know what it’s like to blackout in the woods, but I know the feeling of fighting with yourself.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, like I said, doesn’t go all-in on the five senses for me, but like…” 

Snapping his fingers a few times, Sean searches for the words. 

“Like, okay, one time Jake and I made this last-minute decision to go drive to Michigan to see Torey on winter break. We were bored, and it was late and snowing, but we were unemployed so it was kind of like a “why not” thing. Except, the entire way there, we were having a good time, you know, I love Jake, and we were singing and prank calling people, but I couldn’t shut up this little voice in my head thinking of all the things that could go wrong or why this was stupid. What if the snow got really bad or a tire went flat. What if we got lost or what if my family was trying to reach me and I didn’t know it. Eventually Jake threatened to turn the car around if I didn’t stop worrying, cause I kept trying to telling him everything was fine and what we could do to get out of deep shit if we needed to, only I was talking to myself ‘cause he wasn’t worried. And It was totally a thing of, uh, not being in denial that something could go wrong, but being in denial that something could go wrong that I couldn’t solve.” 

Danton appreciates Sean’s attempt to relate to him, even if he doesn’t entirely see the correlation. 

Sensing confusion from Danton, Sean tries again. “I guess what I’m saying is. Sometimes my head gets loud, too, just kinda overwhelmed with all these thoughts on what could go wrong and it drowns out all the rational thought until it’s hard to do anything else. Like, crippling, so I just try to take the routes I can easily plan for and don’t believe anything too good to be true. My ex always said I was the only guy she dated that actually liked to ask for directions, but I’d never let her or any of my friends drive.” 

“Your ex?” Asks Danton with a smirk. 

He’s not hurt Sean dated. Eight years have passed. Sean went to college and is an attractive guy by anyone’s standards. What interests Danton is more _ who _ Sean’s dated. If he’s dated any guys. If he’s been open to dating guys since kissing Danton in the woods all those years back.

“Oh, yeah,” Sean exhales, and Danton regrets asking. He doesn’t want to seem jealous, has no real reason to be. 

“If you’re not comfortable-”

“No, it’s okay. I mean, you told me about your ex-boyfriend. I only dated one person, this girl, Meredith. We dated for a couple of years though, so, you know, not a lot of time for other people there. Nursing student, 5’6”, perfect girlfriend for the division one hockey player image. Until I wasn’t a hockey player anymore, and we broke up. She said I needed to grow up.” 

Approaching the lake, the sound of running water takes over as Danton fails to find a good response to Sean. “Well, that isn’t true,” he finally settles on. 

“Nah, it is. You know, I was never challenged, not like you’ve been.”

Danton doesn’t agree that he’s a good example of trial and error into adulthood, and the Vancouver police department would probably agree, but he lets it go. There are more important things to focus on.

Like Sean taking his shirt off. He takes a running jump into the lake, and Danton can’t stop thinking about how good Sean’s shoulders look in the sun once he resurfaces from underwater. Maybe Danton stares longer than he should. He’s only human.

Danton realizes he didn’t think this far into this whole swimming ordeal. His body has taken quite the beating over the years. The last thing Sean, or anyone, wants to see is the reanimated corpse Danton’s become. He elects to keep his shirt on. 

“Come on, you didn’t come here just to watch me swim!” Yells Sean.

“Maybe I did.” 

Dramatics aren’t Danton’s strong suit. He steps gingerly into the lake after Sean, keeping most of his clothes on save for his socks and the jacket from his uniform. 

Sean pulls Danton deeper into the water, making sure to get his head wet immediately and teases Danton for flinching. It’s Sean, meaning anything can turn into the subject of a joke, but Danton appreciates that Sean doesn’t comment on how weird he is for coming into the water fully dressed. Always has a great sense of what’s off-limits. 

Swimming with Sean reminds Danton of how much he loves the water. A west coast boy at heart. When they were kids, Sean would dare Danton to race him upstream and claim Danton had an unfair advantage of growing up near the water when he won. 

Danton brings this up to Sean, who decides they’re going to have a rematch right now. The winner is Sean by a long shot, probably because Danton hasn’t exactly been staying active over the years, but Danton still gives Sean a hard time during his post-victory gloating. 

“I let you win,” Danton crosses his arms.

“Liar,” smiles Sean. “Let’s go again.”

And they do. Then another time, where Danton tries to sabotage Sean by kicking water up at him, so they have to have a rematch. They keep going until they’re completely out of breath, holding on to each other and laughing. 

“Have you spent the last eight years training for this moment?” Danton jokes after losing all of their races. 

“I had a picture of you taped to a dartboard I’d throw knives at,” Responds Sean, smooth as always. Danton doesn’t know how he does it. 

Sean grabs Danton’s shoulders lightly, moving them closer until they’re almost touching foreheads. “You know what I wanted to do every time I was at this waterfall with you? Ever since we were, what, twelve, and you decided to name the place after my puppy when I was feeling homesick?” 

“Beat me in a race?” Asks Danton. 

The smile disappears off Sean’s face, expression turning serious. He moves a few wet strands of hair out of Danton’s eyes and kisses his forehead. 

Then, he kisses each side of Danton’s face.

“Are you sure?” Danton is perfectly still. He wants this so bad, but it feels wrong. He doesn’t deserve this. Doesn’t deserve Sean. 

Sean kisses his mouth. Soft and hesitant, to make sure Danton’s into it, too. It’s been years since someone touched Danton with real, genuine affection and no ulterior motive. 

Danton’s still not convinced he deserves this, but he kisses back anyway.

\--- 

Kissing Danton wasn’t planned, but it’s circled Sean’s mind the past few days. He wanted to be certain. Make sure it wasn’t a move based on nostalgia. But with the way Sean’s stomach bubbles with excitement when he manages to make Danton laugh or how much he admires how Danton’s banter never has a hint of cruelty, it was undeniable. Sean wanted Danton more than anything on earth now.

History or no history, Danton feels like home for Sean. 

It goes better than Sean expected. They don’t make out in the lake for hours, but they continue to swim and joke around with more touching and affection this time. No dramatic declaration of love, no proper conversation about the kiss as they get out of the lake. Sean catches Danton’s lingering glances and he smiles wide when Sean meets his gaze, and that’s enough for now. Considering how the past few years have gone for Danton, Sean understands they’ll probably have to take it slow. They got all the time in the world. 

Sean’s learning to be okay with the unknown of everything that exists out here. He’s never been much of a risk taker, something he overcompensated with forging bravely and loudly ahead into anything he could plan for. Going against the grain, kissing a boy with a future so unknown, is everything Sean fears. But here he is, having done just that and the world hasn’t ended. 

Rather, the world hasn’t ended _ yet. _

Afterglow from the kiss makes the trip back less scary, but Sean can’t ignore how quiet the woods are. No birds chirping, no animals digging. An odd amount of firewood is strewn around, something Danton points out but neither can seem to remember if it was there earlier today.

The fire lookout is their solace from the uncertainty of the woods, but something is different when they return. Neither can place it, the uneasy feeling both have as they try to settle in. 

Little details start to add up and form the longer they sit there. Sean swears that a chair that’s now tucked under the desk was a few inches out before, but it’s too small of a detail to be certain about. The stove almost looks cleaner. 

“I feel like someone’s been here,” Danton says about an hour after they get back. He’s fussing with his weather instruments, asking Sean if he touched or moved anything before they left.

“It’s like when I’d steal stuff from my brother's room and would leave it nicer than it was when I came in so he wouldn’t notice.” Sean says. 

The anecdote earns Sean an endeared smile from Danton. “I’m sure your mom was happy you finally cleaned,” he jokes as he picks up the novel on his desk, inspecting it. This is the first time Sean’s seen him touch it. Hasn’t been a ton of time to read, he supposes. 

“My bookmark is missing,” observes Danton. His face is unchanging, curious rather than scared. 

Sean, meanwhile, is scared shitless at the final confirmation that someone was in what’s essentially their home out here. When the doors were locked.

“Could it have been a camper? Or do you think…” Sean attempts not to sound totally freaked out, but he knows he fails. At the very least, Danton doesn’t seem phased. 

“No, I think they wanted us to know, but didn’t want to make it obvious enough I could make a report. Can’t exactly call in and say my bookmark was stolen, but they…” chuckling, Danton shakes his head. “We’re looking for them, but they already found us. And they want us to know that.”

Sean closes his eyes and exhales. They’re no longer passing observers who maybe are stumbling into something weird. With this, they’re directly a part of it. 

“Who do you think ‘they’ are?” Asks Sean, because that seems like the important place to start.

Danton shrugs like it’s a trivial detail. Maybe it is. “Cult? My bosses? Really advanced possums? Whoever it is, I think it’s more than one person.” 

The conversation dies out as Danton makes dinner, Sean left to ponder the notion of being watched while Danton empties a can of vegetables into a frying pan. Sean can’t take his eyes off him. The calm and controlled motions of his hands and consideration in everything he does. Is it stupid to be this calm after confirmation that your privacy is nonexistent? Sean doesn’t think Danton’s a stupid guy, but his reaction is hard to comprehend.

As Sean grabs clean silverware, he thinks back to what Danton told him when he wanted to start this search. How he’s done looking for answers, about jail time and drugs and rehab. Completely used to having episodes like the one from last night. 

Of course Danton isn’t reacting strongly. Sean got to remove himself from Danton’s disappearance for the last eight years. Danton’s dealt with the fallout every day since he went missing. God, Chris would make fun of Sean for being clueless if he were here. 

“The area you showed me on the map, where all the trail ends seem to be pointing to,” Danton speaks up as he puts food on the plates. “I took a closer look when I was doing weather reports and found the coordinates of the last mark of every trail and found where it would intersect if you crossed each path diagonally. I don’t know if it means anything, but the point I got is exactly fourth of a quarter south of the canyon, and along the only route to get to the canon that’s both off trail and won’t require advanced climbing equipment. Was thinking we could check it out tomorrow.” 

Two immediate thoughts come to Sean’s mind. One is that Sean is very thankful for Danton’s knowledge of the area, because staring at the map for hours was not at all helpful to him. The second is that Danton talking about coordinates and trails is oddly hot. 

“That also means this, uh, route to the canyon, from that middle point...it kinda goes in between two controlled burn areas, right?” Asks Sean, inspecting the map. 

“That’s right. The issue is we don’t know exactly what or who we’re looking for.” Danton confirms.

Reaching behind him and into his bookbag, Sean pulls out the almost forgotten hospital bracelet. 

“We got one name,” Sean says with a slight wave of the bracelet. 

“We’re just gonna yell out Annabell Parker and see if someone responds?” 

“You got a better plan?” 

Not Sean’s strongest response, but it seems to convince Danton who shrugs and moves the food around on his plate.

There’s no joking around while they eat, not like it’s been the past few days with the two of them. Tomorrow weighs heavily on their mind. Kissing at the lake seems like a whole other universe. 

“I can’t help but feel like they want us to look for them, and we’re falling right into their hands,” Danton’s voice is softer this time, avoiding Sean’s eyes from across the table. Ashamed to be nervous. 

Sean understands. The tightness in his chest has only gotten worse over the past few hours. 

“If they already know we’re here, if they already...want us, or whatever, no point in waiting around in fear. Best we just go in there and raise hell against whatever.”

A little smile crosses Danton’s face. Sean continues to try to hammer it home. “This is our last chance to chose between knowing what the fuck is happening and for certain not dying right now. And safety is overrated.” 

That one makes Danton laugh out loud. 

“Well, I’ve been unsafe and in the dark about everything for the past eight years, so what the hell.”

\--- 

_ Death has loomed over Danton since he was fourteen, but this time he's certain he's going to die. _

_It’s December and he’s naked in a stranger's bed. He’s warm all over from his last hit, loose and relaxed in the way you feel right before you fall asleep. The bedroom he’s in is dark and quiet, door open just a crack for light and noise can seep through. In the distance, he hears his ex-boyfriend laugh._

_Danton’s certain he’s gonna die soon, and that sounds alright. _

_The night began with fifteen of them draped around the living room as if they were the furniture itself, exchanging drugs and trying to seem cooler than they are. The only person Danton knows the name of is his ex, but Eric pretends to forget Danton’s. He always does that lately. Being nice to Danton doesn’t fit the image he wants to have as a big time drug dealer. They’re not together anymore, so it shouldn’t make him upset, but Danton can’t bring himself to fake laughter when Eric makes a joke about crazy boys being better in bed and looking right at Danton. _

_There’s an aspect of it Danton’s aware of that Eric won't admit. The guy's Eric now hangs with respect him less for being gay, but are willing to look past it if he’s never been attached and acts like an asshole like the rest do to everyone they sleep with._

_Danton still sleeps with him when he needs drugs. The dealer you know is better than the one you don’t. Sometimes, when it’s just the two of them, things are like they were before and Danton forgets why they broke up. He thinks Eric probably thinks the same when he strokes Danton’s hair or asks him how his sister’s been. There’s always an understanding that this won’t continue when they get out of bed._

_Other times, the reasons are glaringly obvious. Like tonight, when one of the other guys jokes about Eric having a “monopoly” on him and Eric replies that he found Danton young. Danton knows Eric would have never said that a year ago, or even now, if they were somewhere else. That only makes it hurt more. _

_When Danton needs a hit, Eric walks him upstairs and doesn’t even turn the light on when they get there. They don’t kiss when they have sex and when they lay in bed after, they keep apart from each other. The longer Danton laid next to him, the more upset he got._

_“You used to be a lot nicer to me,” It comes out of Danton’s mouth soft, childish, and he feels ashamed for even saying it but he can’t take it back._

_The bed creaks as Eric turns to look at him, but Danton refuses to look away from the ceiling. “I was better at lying.” _

_“You cared about me,” Danton isn’t saying it because he needs to believe it, he says it because it’s true. “I know you did. Then you stopped.”_

_“I do care about you. That’s why I had to keep away from you.”_

_The last thing Danton wants is some speech about how this was for his own good. “If you still cared you wouldn’t have picked impressing some dealer wannabes over me. I’m not stupid.” There’s a pause before Danton lets himself be vulnerable again. “I needed you.” _

_Eric laughs. A sharp pain shoots through Danton’s chest. _

_“Danny, I was a terrible boyfriend.” Eric says. _

_“That’s not true. I needed you.” Danton repeats. He isn’t sure what he needed Eric for, but he can’t imagine the past few years without him. _

_“You didn’t need me, you needed therapy.” It hurtS Danton to hear, considering he told Eric all his problems with doctors not taking him seriously. “I ruined your life. All I did was make it easier for you to hurt yourself. I should have never been around you.”_

_The way Eric says it makes Danton feel like it’s his own fault, makes him feel like he’s some reckless kid that put all this guilt on Eric. A part of him wonders how long this has been sitting in Eric’s head. _

_“You weren’t the first, my life was ruined long before I met you.” _

_“I was the first to fuck you. To give you coke, then to give you heroin. I was the first to take you across the border because I let you-“ _

_“Well, at least you get a monopoly on me, then. Being the first and all.” Danton can’t pinpoint what it was Eric said, but suddenly he’s more angry than he was the day they broke up._

_Eric only sighs and gets out of bed. He digs around his bag to find what he needs to fulfill his end of the deal, then walks back over and gently takes Danton’s arm in his hands. This was the most affectionate he’s been with Danton in months, and it’s to shoot him up. What’s that say about them?_

_“You know that’s not why I hung around you then. That doesn’t make it alright.” _

_He leaves the room before Danton can respond. The whole conversation has a sense of finality to it, tying up loose ends Danton’s not sure existed. _

_And that's how Danton ended up here, naked on a stranger's bed and certain of his own death. Maybe if Eric feels guilty about how things went down, he’ll finally get better. Maybe when Danton dies, Eric will give a good eulogy at the funeral. _

“Danny- uh, Danton? You up?” 

Urgent shakes jolt Danton awake. Hovering over him is Sean, eyes wide and lips slightly parted. Another nightmare. Eventually, Sean will get used to it. 

As charmed as Danton is that Sean cares this much, he’s also guilty that Sean does. That never ends well. Danton turns away from Sean, who’s waiting for some kind of affirmation, and looks out his window. The sun is too high for it to be eight in the morning, he must have slept in. 

“What time is it?” Asks Danton. If he’s lucky, they’ll ignore his nightmare.

Sean puts a hand on Danton’s shoulder. “Ten. Don’t worry, radio didn’t go off.” 

Still has to get dressed, eat, and do the weather report before noon. Probably should adjust the fire caution warnings before he goes screaming for ghosts along the canyon, too. 

“There’s firewood outside. All around the tower. I think it’s all burnt but it’s….god, Danton, it’s everywhere. This is deliberate.” Sean blurts out. So that’s why he looks so anxious. 

_ It’s too early for this _ Danton thinks to himself before remembering that Sean must have been awake and sitting on this for a while. He buttons up his shirt and walks to the window. 

Deliberate indeed. The firewood is stacked, circling the tower like they’re in the middle of a giant crop circle. How neither of them heard the wood being dropped off in the night and woke up is beyond Danton. 

Sean waits for a reaction from Danton, staring with arms crossed and wide, fearful eyes. He’s not going to get it. Of course it’s unusual, but weird’s been the new normal the past few days. Whatever's out there is going to kill him, or hurt him, if it wants to, and worrying won’t change that. 

“Well, guess we shouldn’t keep them waiting. I’ll do the weather reports and we can get it moving,” Danton casually assesses. Doing the weather report before what feels like his imminent death is a little odd, but just because Danton’s destined for doom doesn’t mean Backes should do more work than necessary. 

Sean looks like he’s going to argue with him, mouth agape and ready for a panic rambling, but the words never come.

The silence continues until they’re leaving the tower to head towards the canyon. He asks Danton what his theory is on who’s behind all this, and Danton’s thankful he’s gotten good at lying. 

“So, seriously, you think like- maybe the old folktale was true? Maybe not, like, a ghost witch, but maybe it’s like weird Satanists or something.” Sean starts a few minutes into their trek. 

“I think witches have better things to do than to pick on us,” answers Danton. “And I’m definitely not an innocent virgin, so I’d be a bad sacrifice.” 

“Okay, fine, then what do you think it is? Bigfoot?” 

“Don’t be silly. It’s Mothman.” 

Sean snorts at Danton’s dry humor. Something feels right about laughing with Sean, making light of the danger they’re about to face. If this is the end of days, Danton is glad it’ll finish on a high note. 

“Alright, then what do you think it is? Someone’s gotta be behind this,” pushes Sean. 

Whoever put firewood outside their place, whoever killed those deer, whoever was in the lab coat, Danton knows they’re related to whatever took him at fourteen. He’s had eight years to think about who did it and why and there’s never been a clear answer. The past few weeks have only made it more confusing. Why him? Danton doesn’t think he has all that much to offer. Why keep up with him eight years later? What’s most puzzling to Danton is why they haven’t killed him yet. Maybe that’s the fun in it. 

But Sean doesn’t need to know all that. 

“We talked about this yesterday. Best I got is advanced possums.”

Sean doesn’t seem satisfied by Danton’s unwillingness to budge. Danton exhales and continues. 

“We just can’t think we’re outsmarting whoever it is. I was never going to outrun this, but maybe that’s the point. Running from things, you know, avoidance is only going to make it hurt more.” The words feel heavy in the air. Danton remembers his promise to Chris to keep Sean safe. 

“You...if you wanna leave, I won’t blame you. It’s me they’re messing with and I don’t want you caught up in that.”

Sean raises his voice. “What?! No way, anything that’s got a problem with you has a problem with me too. Like you just said, even though I can run doesn’t mean I should.” 

No one’s had Danton’s back like this since Eric, and that wasn’t a great standard of protection. His chest tightens at the implications. This was supposed to be easy because no one was supposed to miss him when he’s gone. Except Sean says things like this, and Danton regrets ever letting him stay in the first place.

Conversation moves quickly into lighter subjects, Sean updating Danton on the sports worlds and Danton on urban legends he’s heard from other rangers. The route is scenic and Danton finds himself watching Sean take it all in more than looking at the surroundings itself. 

Flirting territory isn’t breached until they’re close to the canyon. “If we make it out of here, you know any good places in Idaho to grab a bite with a cute guy I met in the woods?” asks Sean. 

Danton laughs out loud. No time like heading into unknown danger to take risks. 

He keeps his eyes glued to the ground, a little embarrassed, preferring to stare at shadows instead of looking at Sean. “Moose Knuckles Burgers,” Danton says. “We went there every night during training. Little tavern near the headquarters, cheap pitchers. Can’t go wrong.” 

Disbelief and amusement cross Sean’s face. “It’s seriously called that? Moose Knuckles? You gotta be kidding me.” 

“Would I lie about that? I can’t make that up, you know that.” Laughs Danton. 

Head still down, a silhouette catches Danton’s eye. He glances side to side as they walk to see if it’s being caused by an odd shaped tree or some kind of stationary object. 

The shadow moves with them. 

“Alright, once we’re done ghost hunting. I’ll buy you a drink at Moose Knuckles Burgers, that cool with you?” An unaware Sean asks. 

Whatever is behind them is dragging its feet, making sure to keep a safe distance. Doesn’t appear to be too tall, definitely not a bear. A bear wouldn’t be so deliberate. 

His bosses drilled so much fear into him about bears, and it’s never fucking bears. 

Making sure to keep his voice low but chipper, Danton mutters to Sean. “Don’t turn around, but there’s something following us.” 

“What?” 

Sean is way too loud, high pitched in the way he always gets when surprised. Usually, Danton loves how expressive Sean is, but now is not the time. His heart races. 

“Shhh, don’t be too loud. Keep walking, I’m going to count to three, and you’re going to run and cover your face, okay?” 

Maybe this is a false alarm. Danton knows it’s not. Not with everything that’s been happening.

“One,” 

A quick pat confirms that Danton still has the knife Chris gave him in his breast pocket. He’d rather not stab anyone or anything and the tiny blade won’t do much, but it’s good to have. 

“Two…”

Danton reaches into the front of his utility belt and feels around for the bear spray can sitting firmly over his pocket. Putting his thumb on the trigger, he shouts. 

“Three!”

Danton stops in his tracks and pivots, sprinting a few feet back while holding down the spray. He puts a hand over his eyes to protect himself but peaks through to see if whatever was following them was affected. If there was anything in the first place. 

Fog pollutes the air and keeps Danton from seeing clearly, but he can still make out a vague figure. Someone is there. He thinks it's someone, at least. Humanoid. A few inches shorter than him and pale. 

For a split second, Danton makes eye contact with that...thing. A kind of distorted person, like a human that went through a photocopier low on ink. The fog doesn’t help, but Danton knows that whatever he saw doesn’t look the same as him and Sean. Something is wrong with it, proportions completely messed up. His stomach churns when they catch eyes. Maybe this thing was asking for help, and Danton just hurt it more. 

Hunched over but otherwise unaffected as it sprints left and into a darting line of trees. 

Darting doesn’t do it justice. Danton’s seen the Olympic runner slower than that. So quick that Danton barely has time to process what he just saw, but the details he did make out chill him to his bones. 

“What the fuck?” Sean yells from somewhere behind him, frustrated and upset. Danton doesn’t have to ask to know he saw it too. 

Legs wobbling, Danton’s voice cracks as he turns to face Sean and says “Something tells me that’s not a curious camper.” 

“No kidding.” Sean leans over to collect his thoughts, hands on his thighs. “That thing looked like the kids I played with that got too deep in ‘roids. And I don’t think Roger fucking Clemens is out here.” 

Sean keeps babbling, because that’s how he deals with situations he can’t control. Something Danton never forgot. 

“I got a feeling whatever that was is gonna be waiting for us inside that canyon.” Sean looks up, big blue eyes staring at the road ahead of them. Danton could have told him that much. 

“Then we know what’s coming.” Shrugs Danton. He stands up from the ground and cleans the dirt off his pants. “Ready?” 

“No, but what the fuck, right?” 

Sean forces a smile. The kind of smile that made Danton wish he got to fall in love. 

Maybe in another life.

\--- 

Danton wishes he could have taken Sean to the canyon under different circumstances. As kids, their parents never let them down here. Too many narrow paths, sudden stops, and steep cliffs to trust two young boys to run around in. Caves surrounding the area with who knows what animals in them. Search and rescue spent days here looking when Danton went missing. Or so he’s heard.

All the safety hazards obscure just how beautiful the place is. Danton didn’t get to appreciate it until they took him and a few other guys along one of the paths during training. Plants were just starting to grow again after a harsh winter, the sun setting perfectly over the lake. Colors more vibrant than Danton’s seen anywhere on earth. 

In a perfect world, he and Sean could have a picnic here, call it a date. Danton’s too far gone to believe that world exists.

Another hour passes going deeper into the wilderness before they find any sort of clue. A mark in blood on a tree, but drawn slightly different. Less sharp around the edges and longer in length. 

“You notice anything?” Asks Sean.

“That whoever is doing this can’t remember their own sign?” 

Sean chuckles. “No, look,” he puts his index finger to the trunk of the tree. “The blood is fresh. These were just made.” 

With how long they took and how fast whatever they saw was, it’s possible that what was following them got ahead and left signs for them. An eerie thought, even for Danton. Not that he’ll let that on to Sean.

The signs continue for another mile, passing memorials for the great fire of 1910 and warnings about bears in the area that get sparser as they continue. Fear builds up in Danton the longer they keep on this route. If this is going where he thinks this is going, no one would be able to find them. 

“We’re heading towards the mines,” Danton mumbles as they inch towards the entrance to the abandoned trail in the canyon he’s heard stories about from rangers. At this point, it’s inevitable. He pulls his hat down and lets himself appear scared for the first time. 

“Oh come on,” Sean says, a tinge of humor in his tone. “The mines? This can’t get any more stereotypical horror movie.” 

“It could. I could start to speak in backwards Latin,” Danton raises an eyebrow. “Where we are...we’re right near the Pulaski trail. Used to be where they’d mine for gold and silver, but once those ran out they let nature run its course. Cassidy says a few historians petition from time to time to restore it, but the Government never wants to. Too dangerous.” 

It might have been Backes who told him, he’s pretty sure Cassidy isn’t legally allowed to disclose where the trail is. He can’t really remember. Not that it matters. 

Possibilities of what's in store for them hang heavy in the air. Danton misses back when he had no idea what they were getting into. This is worse. 

A few minutes pass before Sean speaks up again. “You got a pretty good handle on this firewatch shit. Didn’t even need to look at a map to know where we’re heading.” 

Danton smiles. “The canyon was the most interesting part of trailing. Who doesn’t love a creepy mine?”

“Me, right about now.” 

Just as Danton expected, the signs begin to take them off the existing trail and towards the abandoned one. Sean asks questions more and more often, needing to avoid silence to ignore his anxiety. Talking about the bat caves and history of working conditions in the area makes walking through rocky terrain and crossing shallow streams bearable. Danton appreciates all of Sean’s jokes, and the genuine interest in all the nerdy information Danton’s retained about his job. 

“Before arriving here, I didn't really care about the wilderness, but the place really grew on me. Pun intended,” explains Danton. He’s just starting to enjoy this job. It would be a shame if he got fired. Or killed. A couple hours have passed since they’ve left, and Danton’s radio has only gone off once. 

The markings become more distorted the further along they get. Danton’s not sure if perhaps whoever made them was getting more frantic or if they’re drawn like this on purpose. He tries not to stare too long. Looking at the marks is like trying to read something out of focus, how he imagines people without glasses must feel. Except his vision is fine. 

He’s close to asking Sean if he wants to take a break when they reach the entrance to a boarded up cave. Only three of the boards have been rendered useless over time and exposure to the elements leaving only two left.

The remaining boards have markings on them. It’s asking them to go inside. 

“You got a flashlight?” Questions Sean, but Danton’s already tossing him one. Sean gives him a slight smile in return. “You always come prepared.” 

Sean goes in first, stepping over the boards before turning to help hoist Danton over. Inside the cave doesn’t look like the movies, not overwhelmingly damp or dodging bats and cobwebs. A bit of echoing, but nothing Danton hasn’t experienced before. 

The only jarring aspect is how dark it gets once they’re away from the entrance. Not dark like turning off your bedroom lights. Not even movie theater dark. Whatever dark one could think of, it’s darker. The flashlights provide a dim light, but Danton can still only see about five feet in front of them.

Red markings decorate the cave wall. Two or three every couple of feet, but the further in they get, the more there is. Multiplying. There are variations that seem more deliberate this time, as if following a pattern. 

He can’t look away now. All he can see is darkness and markings and he can’t seem to keep his feet under him, feeling like he’s on a roller coaster. Waking in a straight line proves impossible as he bumps into Sean. 

Danton tries to grab onto Sean, to stay calm and not blackout like he did the other day. Focus on breathing like his therapist said.

Looking at Sean doesn’t help. All he can see is a guy he’s putting in danger for his own burden. A young guy, a guy he respects and likes and could love. Maybe he even does love him. 

He grips his flashlight like its life or death, fighting with the sweat of his palms that seems to increase by the moment. 

Danton can just barely make out the markings over Sean’s shoulder, visible like a halo around his head. What a shame it would be if Sean died for someone like Danton. 

“Sean-” 

“I know,” Sean’s voice cracks. “I think we found enough. Let’s get out of here and we can try to tell your boss.”

Leaving takes longer than entering. Like the cave is getting longer and longer, and Danton’s pretty certain that they won’t see daylight ever again. How long will they be stuck down there before anyone looks for them? How long will the battery last in his flashlight? 

Neither one has said a word since they decided to turn around, pacing too quickly and needing to save their breath with the lack of circulation. He’s not sure how much time passes before they finally find the entrance, but Sean doesn’t even warn Danton before he hoists him over the boards and follows.

Then they’re running. Just like the night with the howling when Chris and Torey and Jake were still here. Sean’s speaking a little more, saying generic phrases of encouragement but Danton can barely process them. His words feel far away. 

The marks feel less out of focus but everything else begins to blur. Like the crunching of leaves under his feet. Sean begins to get winded, but Danton does not. 

He can’t stop. He’s not allowed to stop. 

_ “You took too long. You can’t sleep until you get it right.” _

_Danton feels a hand on his shoulder. His legs dangle off the table. Maybe if he was a little taller, he would be faster. His mom says a growth spurt is coming any day. He hopes he can see his mom again. _

The sun is set. Sean’s still keeping a good pace behind him. This is the most Danton’s ran in years, and he’s a little impressed at himself for keeping up with a college athlete. 

“Come on, this way!” Sean pulls at him. 

The proper trail. Of course. They’re past the mines now and there’s no need to follow the markings now. 

Markings that seem to have increased. 

_ For hours, Danton can not feel his hands or touch anything else. There’s nothing to see and smell. He can only hear one thing, the voice of one purpose. All of his focus must be there. The more he breaks that focus, the longer he won’t be able to feel. _

“Fuck!” Exclaims Sean. 

Fuck, indeed. A tree is knocked down. One of the old ones, too, that survived the fire back in the day. This is going to be sad for the rangers to see come tomorrow.

“Did you-” Danton pants. “What did that?” 

It’s not like there was a storm strong enough recently. Hell, he’s pretty sure that was up when they came in. 

“I don’t know, find out later. Come on.” 

_ This is a kind of strong Danton didn’t know was possible. Hockey camp never prepared him for this. He could lift weights and do drills but this was different. This was the strong that came when you didn’t care how much of you is harmed in order to achieve it. When there’s no self preservation built in you anymore. There’s nothing left to preserve at this point. _

The tree has them all turned around. A few cuts through some streams and the bottom of their pants wet, they find themselves back at the midpoint. Where Danton sprayed bear spray, and where they saw the figure. 

Maybe they haven’t said it, but Danton knows what he’s running from. What he’s picturing behind them. 

Sean grabs his hand and cuts along the clearing. They’re too out of breath and gave up on trying to hold their flashlights while they ran. Danton doesn’t bother asking what the plan is. Communicating is too hard after the day they had. Besides, he trusts Sean. 

_ Danton’s eyes burn, light feeling like a flame to his eye. They told him this is the last part. The hardest part. Two times a day a woman will come in and give him something to drink. One has taken a liking to him, will brush the hair out of his eyes and tell him things will be okay. She doesn’t feed him, no matter how much he begs. Only the men get to do that, when they come in and poke and prod and talk in English but in a way that Danton can hardly understand. Like when his brother would talk to his friends in pig Latin. _

_What he eats is restricted and highly controlled in some manner he doesn’t understand. Worse, they don’t let him sleep. Every time he begins to fall asleep, someone, or something, jolts him awake, Sometimes he feels it in his ankles or his fingertips. _

_The thought of death, of never getting to see his family again, has kept him well behaved. Now he questions if this was worth it. _

“Danton!” Yells Sean. Danton nearly groans and hisses out a response until he realizes why Sean’s yelling. 

The yell was from a couple of feet behind him. 

Whatever has his hand is not Sean. 

Everything goes out of focus. Danton feels grass against the back of his neck as he hits the ground. 

_ They finally let Danton sleep after he broke out of restraints and escaped the room he was in, knowing where to go by some sort of instinct he doesn’t know how he has. He thought he’d be in trouble, but apparently the men were waiting for this. Wanting this. _

_“How do you know where the door is?” _

_It’s a fair question. There was a trap door to leave, past the traditional door he would see the rest enter and exit too. _

_“I just knew. It was like I had guidance.” Explains Danton. “Like it was God or something.”_

_“God or something…” One of the men repeats, sounding satisfied. Danton’s thankful. He doesn’t want to be hurt again. _

Danton wakes up to sunlight. 

The shadow of the tower casts over him and keeps him cool. Firewood is all around him as if keeping him safe. His radio is still on him, as well as the flashlight and bear spray. 

But Sean is nowhere to be found.

\--- 

Yesterday, marching towards the canyon made Danton feel like a horse heading towards the glue factory. Today, it feels like a last stand.

Guilt guides him over the same streams and trails he and Sean zig zagged through yesterday. This is all wrong. Danton is the one they want. Whoever they are, whatever is in the mines. Luring them to the canyon and watching Danton in the clearing. He accepted his fate, knew what was coming yet still tried to fight it yesterday. 

Bringing Sean was a mistake. Using the bear spray was a mistake. Danton made a promise to Chris, and he broke it. 

All that’s left to do is fix it. 

He makes quicker time getting to the canyon today. Being more familiar with the area will do that. The tree from last night, the one that deterred them, is still there but has been moved off the trail. How anyone could move a giant hundred-year-old tree without any of the rangers knowing is beyond him.

Maybe they did know. Maybe they’re in on it, and that’s how he was never found as a kid. 

Or maybe they’re just oblivious. It doesn’t really matter at this point. Sean’s the only thing that does. 

“No tricks today,” Danton shouts, knowing for sure someone is listening. He throws the bear spray into a line of trees, far out of his reach. The plan is simple: Danton gives them what they want, and they release Sean. 

Waiting for something to happen, Danton sits on the fallen tree and looks around. Some of the markings on the trees have been erased. The out of focus feeling is there when he looks at the remaining marks, but not as strong. Dirt has been kicked up and disturbed and he’s not sure if it’s from him and Sean yesterday or something else. 

A figure appears in his line of sight. A few yards ahead, keeping its distance. The same hunched over figure as yesterday.

Danton stands up. He thinks of all those doctor dramas he and Eric used to watch when he skipped school, how the grim reaper would appear in the hospital rooms and take a patient's hand. It brings him a little bit of comfort.

The figure waits until he’s a few feet closer to start moving. It’s fast, but Danton is able to keep up. Similar to last night with Sean where he was able to sprint for God knows how long without stopping despite self identifying as out of shape. He’s not even certain how he made it back to the tower. 

They take a different route than yesterday, not following the markings. The figure cuts through some convenient off trail paths that Danton didn’t even know existed to get to the Pulaski trail, yet Danton thought he knew most of the shortcuts in his range. 

Despite never being here before, everything looks familiar. Maybe that’s just the park. 

His guide lets him get a little closer once they’re at the Pulaski trail and nearing the mines. Still a few feet away, Danton knows for certain what’s guiding him is human, but not in great shape. Paler than him. Barefoot, with legs that seemed to be mangled yet not hindering speed. Long hair and feminine features. 

They reach the mine in record time. 

“Thanks, Annabell.” Danton says. She escapes back to the treeline.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot of triggering content in this chapter, like throughout basically the entire thing. In addition to the drug addiction mention, past unhealthy relationships, and general horror stuff from throughout this fic, there's descriptions of violence and torture in this, probably the most detailed descriptions in the fic. If you would like to know more, or have concerns over how it's handled, feel free to message me here or at Tumblr (same handle)

_ Since leaving rehab, Danton’s spent more time at home than he has the past five years. Something about it feels like staying at a relative’s place. Unfamiliar, and he has to keep asking where the extra towels are._

_ Two weeks have gone by but he only feels comfortable eating after everyone has gone to sleep. Danton has a routine now. Eating leftovers in the dark, sitting on the counter with only the sound of the ticking clock. Easier than sitting through forced conversation at the diner table, filling a seat that had been empty for years._

_A door creaks down the hall. Danton freezes in place and hopes that whoever it is will ignore him. The footsteps get closer and the lamp turns on. _

_“Danton?” _

_Olivia, his younger sister, stands in the doorway. _

_“Oh, hi, uh...want some?” Danton smiles, holding the Tupperware bottom of mashed potatoes and broccoli out. _

_She shakes her head and laughs. “Any reason you’re not doing this at the table, with the lights on?”_

_“At least I’m using a fork.”_

_Olivia goes into the fridge and pulls out a pitcher of water. She’s gotten tall, almost as tall as Danton. Definitely stronger than him. She’s the closest to him in age of all the siblings at just over a year younger. They were inseparable growing up, but the past few years have been filled with small talk and Danton watching from a safe distance. Any closer and he’d sabotage all the success she’s had. _

_ “How’s volleyball going?” Danton asks. They haven’t gotten a real chance to catch up, and talk like they used to. Usually, their parents or older siblings are around and Danton feels he’s under too much scrutiny to say anything of substance._

_ Olivia tells him about making her college team, about a boy she’s interested in, volunteering at church, some funny stories from her lab class. A whole world Danton’s been missing out on supporting. He thinks back to her graduation. Showing up just before it began and sitting at the back, giving her a hug and a few crumpled twenties. Not staying for the party. That’s how their relationship has been. _

_ He mostly listens tonight. Maybe one day he’ll tell her where he’s been, but for now, Danton is sick of dragging his family down._

_ “I miss this,” Olivia says after half an hour. “It’s good to have you around.”_

_“I missed you too.” _

_More silence. The clock ticking feels louder than before. _

_“You know,” she speaks up again, “I could have used my big brother, all that time.” _

_Danton gulps. Guilt pulses through him and his stomach churn. His therapist warned him about this. Accountability, making amends. How much it’ll suck. _

_“I know, I just...I wasn’t an easy person to be around. For a long time. So I stayed back.” Danton looks at the ceiling, afraid to make eye contact. “I didn’t want to fuck up your life.” _

_“Having your brother disappear willingly after _ actually _ vanishing can fuck you up, too. I still see a therapist.”_

_The laughter from only a few minutes ago is long gone, replaced by the weight of her words. _

_Danton’s eyes well up. He can’t find the words to make this right. Maybe it would have been better for everyone if he was never found. _

_“I’m not mad at you,” clarifies Olivia. “You had it harder than all of us combined. But life didn’t just go on without you. I know you think you don’t, but you make a difference.” _

_That’s enough for Danton to start crying, and Olivia does too. Things aren’t okay and they haven’t been for a long time. But, at the very least, at least he knows the person in the barely lit dining room with him cares. At least he has someone to cry with. Someone to get better for. _

\---- 

Danton is beginning to think this is a trap. Maybe he’ll never find Sean and he’s going to be lost in this cave forever. Keeping track of time is impossible without sunlight, without much of anything other than neverending cave walls decorated in blood with occasional piles of firewood Danton has to be careful not to trip over.

The tunnel forks every so often, symbols telling him which route to take, but Danton’s starting to get curious. Maybe the symbols are actually leading him away from Sean or making him take the long way. He decides to defy directions and peek down the tunnel without the cave writing at the next intersection. Firewood liters the path, but nothing seems out of the ordinary until he falls down a small set of stairs.

He hopes no one is watching him, because that was a little embarrassing. 

Danton dusts himself off and inspects the ground with his flashlight. Stairs aren’t an unusual occurrence in the mines, but these...they look new. They’re tiled. Something that would come out of a home improvement show. Danton snorts at the thought of a crew coming in here, and wishes he could joke with Sean about it now. 

The tunnel ends abruptly a few feet ahead, walled up with bricks similar to those you’d see in prison and a small barred window to complete it. Danton peers inside, but even with his flashlight it’s hard to make out what’s inside. Glimmers of broken glass catch the light and he can make out a bed in the middle of the room with a chalkboard behind it. The chalkboard is filled end to end with sentences, tiny script from top to bottom leaving no empty space on the board. 

That’s enough investigating alone for Danton. He turns around and gets back to the route he was sent on.

As Danton gets further inside the cave, the walls become less natural and more man-made. A mix of the fallout shelters Danton’s seen in movies and the Winchester house. Abrupt ends and turns, a small brick shelf filled with canned food, a scalpel on the floor. Every few feet he stumbles upon discarded clothes, eventually finding a torn piece of blue flannel, a similar pattern to what Sean was wearing the night before. 

He doesn’t let himself get his hopes up until he finds a black boot. One Danton remembers Sean kicking off at the lake yesterday morning.

Sean must be close. Danton thinks he could cry. 

“Is that my knight in shining armor?” someone calls out, making Danton jump at the sudden noise.

It’s Sean. Of course it is. Messy brown hair sticking to his forehead, clothes still on, hands tied behind his back and feet tied together. Not the best position to be in, but okay. Alive. Healthy enough to joke around with Danton.

Danton runs over to him, at a loss for words. He drops his flashlight and takes Sean’s face in his hands, inspecting it for any wounds.

The whole thing feels too easy. Sure, Danton did have to navigate a labyrinth in the dark for the past two hours, a task that was neither simple nor uplifting. But Sean is...fine. No bomb strapped to his chest or rabid dogs guarding him like Danton was preparing for. Something is off about this. 

“I’m okay,” Sean reassures him, and Danton lets out a laugh of relief. “Now untie me, I’ve been like this since I woke up, and I’ve had to pee for the past three hours. My knife is somewhere around here I think.” 

Danton spots the weapon lying several feet behind Sean, grabbing it and walking behind Sean to cut the ropes. His hands are shaking of adrenaline, of relief. He can’t exactly say _ I’m glad you’re okay _ because they’re not in the clear yet, but god damn, Danton’s glad they’re together. As selfish as he feels for thinking it, he’s happy he doesn’t have to do this alone. He really was starting to believe they never would find each other again, and Danton has a promise to fulfill. For Chris. For maybe the last purpose he has on this earth. 

“You promise you’re not, a, uh, shapeshifter or anything? You’re really Sean?” 

“You gonna quiz me on it?” Asks Sean. Danton can’t see his face but he can picture Sean smirking, eyebrow raised like he always does when teasing. 

“What was your childhood hockey team?” 

“The Bruins. Much to your dismay.” 

“Looks like you’re the real Sean after all.” Danton cuts the last rope and kisses the top of Sean’s head, surprising them both. He knows Sean appreciates it as he turns to Danton with a wide grin. “Let’s get out of this dump.” 

Leaving the way they came is unlikely. They’re too deep in the cave, unsure of the route they took to get here, and they want answers. The markings on the wall end at the room Danton found sean in. Occasionally, they notice another symbol, but not enough to help the two navigate as they pick their route at random. 

“You know, I could get used to being a damsel in distress,” Sean says as they enter a room with an unusually high ceiling. 

“I don’t know, I’m pretty distressed too,” Danton replies, swaying his flashlight around the room to reveal lab equipment haphazardly strewn around as if abandoned in a rush. The place reminds him of those abandoned hospital pictures he’s seen in National Geographic. He approaches one of many long lab tables and flips through a dusty binder. Formulas cover the pages, Danton wishes he paid attention in high school and knew what any of it meant. Words are scribbled on the sides of the page that follow the Latin alphabet but are either purposefully encoded, or Danton is dumber than he thought. 

One of the chairs has a lab coat hanging off the back of it, the only thing in the room that looks like it’s been touched recently. Neatly folded in contrast to the vials and papers strewn around like a tornado went through the room. Danton feels a chill go up his spine. 

“Hey, check this out,” calls out Sean. 

Sean is standing in front of a storage closet, but instead of shelves inside, it’s another tunnel. Each wall has a marking, stretching from the bottom of the floor to the top of the ceiling with pointed edges smudged over time. 

They look at each other and shrug. Only one thing to do. 

Barred windows line the path like the one Danton saw earlier and the wall becomes a mix between the caves natural stone and cinder blocks again. Behind each set of bars is the same thing; a bed, missing sheets and set in a partial recline like a dentist’s chair. A whiteboard. A small series of cabinets. Some of them have papers on the desks or writing on the boards that neither Danton nor Sean can make out. Some look like they have blood. 

The windows that scare Danton the most are the ones with thick, blackout curtains drawn over them, with something tying it down so it cannot be moved.

“Guess they were expecting visitors,” Danton mumbles after one attempt to move the fabric, and Sean smiles at him. If this is it, Danton wants to maximize the number of times he can make Sean laugh. 

But Sean doesn’t have a witty comeback for him, and for once, he’s quiet. Distraught. A few more windows pass before he finally replies, “Do you...do you recognize any of these? Is this where…”

Danton shakes his head. “I still don’t really remember anything. The other night, I, uh, I don’t know, kinda had flashes. Like fragments, but when I try to think back to it, it hurts my head.” 

The end of the tunnel leads out to an almost entirely man made room. Filing cabinets are scattered without any order except thin labels on the drawers. Danton steps closer to one. They look familiar.

“We’ve got cabinets like these in most of the ranger stations.” 

Sean looks at him with wide eyes. “What does that mean?”

“I don’t know,” shrugs Danton. “Maybe they have the same supplier. Maybe they stole it. Could have gone to the same Sears.” 

The two pull out drawers at random and scan for anything of interest. Thousands of folders are in each cabinet with a hundred cabinets in this room alone, but Sean assures Danton he got good at skimming in college. Most of the papers are yellowing, wrinkled over time, but every once in a while a folder will contain a handle of crisp sheets that appear to be brand new. They’ll never make their way through everything, but maybe they can at least find something of use. 

Sean taps Danton on the shoulder, “Hey, listen to this. It’s titled ‘_ Decision to cut LSD from the Program_’

“_Previous attempts to control human perceptions and rationale have failed to produce long-lasting effects. The dominant explanation for nonperformance is attributed to dependence solely on hallucinogenics to control the subjects’ senses while failing to alter behavior.’_”

“Wait, let me see that,” Danton grabs the folder from Sean and flips through the pages in a frenzy. 

_ While opioids alone are not enough to modify the autonomy of a subject efficiently, it’s a better tool in aiding coercive persuasion that allows to manipulate and exploit dependency. _

Danton drops the folder and exhales. The file has a long list of drugs and their possible effects, but Danton’s seen enough. He ignores Sean asking him what happened and lets him read the paper on his own. 

On the other side of the room, Danton opens more drawers, tearing them out and throwing them on the floor until he finds what he wants. Most of it is paperwork documenting the architecture for the room they’re in or encoded writing that he doesn’t bother trying to decipher. Finally, he gets to a group of names. G-l last names. He opens the drawer below and finds what he’s looking for. 

_ “Parker, Annabell  
Group: Two  
Method: Hormone release control _

Danton flips through the first few text-heavy pages until he stumbles across a diagram.

_ “The following medication schedule proved effective in mood regulations and making Parker substantially more receptive to coercive persuasion, enacted at certain points in the cycle where the asset was most likely to retain information…_

_….To protect the asset against manipulation from unauthorized entities, medication is adjusted after a two week period of the initial regiment while in a medically induced coma and two additional weeks with a new cycle consisting of adjusted doses and therapy inducing deterioration of critical thinking. Once trance states begin occurring with medication alone, one can change chemical regiment..” _

Beginning to shake, Danton reads the page a few more times to try to understand what’s in front of him. The file is almost as confusing as the papers written in code, but he doesn’t need an exact definition to know ‘deterioration of critical thinking’ isn’t good. His eyes are unable to focus on any particular sentence as it sets in what exactly was going on here. 

Danton flips to the middle of the file and reads the page out loud to Sean. A task nearly impossible with how bad his hands are shaking, 

_ “Subjects complete obstacle courses designed to push physical boundaries of safety and discourage empathy...the project hopes to reach a new level of physical and emotional ability through the use of medication and threat of punishment ..negative repercussions include withholding sleep for 72 hours, isolation, electrical shocks, 12 hour sensory deprivation...subjects are exposed to subliminal messaging during coercive persuasion where a set of symbols coordinate to an expected response, whether fulfilling a physical request or emotional reaction…positive reinforcement given in the form of opioids as well as- _”

“Wait, what the fuck is that?” Sean peers over his shoulder. “Is that, Danton, what the hell is it?”

Danton doesn’t explain, only continues to read. 

_ “Once successful, experiment replicated to include violent tasks such as killing animals during obstacle course..initial pushback expected, increase negative repercussions, implement a new wave of subliminal signals...cut off opioids to subjects who refuse to complete…” _

Sean grabs several manila folders off the floor and searches through them himself hoping to make sense of what Danton’s saying. There’s nothing to make sense of, and Danton knows this.

_ “...Third experiment entails the use of electroconvulsive therapy and withholding sleep to erase conscious memories-” _

“Fuck!” Sean yells loud enough to startle Danton, and Danton doesn’t think he can get more freaked out. But then he turns to Sean, who holds a paper out to Danton and points at a sentence. It’s the layout of the room Danton saw earlier, but Sean’s focusing on some fine print at the bottom.

** _ ***Under 24/7 video Surveillance *** _**

Shit. Fuck.

Whatever this is, it isn’t abandoned. Someone has to still be here in order to have brought them into the cave in the first place. And they’re watching Danton and Sean right where they stand. 

Danton drops the papers to the floor, Sean following suit except for one folder he crumples and stuffs in his jacket pocket. He grabs Danton’s hand and runs, just like they did the other night. Danton knows it’s hopeless. They’re never going to leave this place. 

Sean’s not giving up, and in a way, Danton just wishes he would instead of trying to navigate this dark, impossible maze. The only known way out is an hour away and it’s clear that whoever is in here with them thought ahead. Corner after corner after corner provides nothing, going downhill and up again in a manner that Danton thinks might be meant to tire them out and prevent them from putting up a fight. Part of Danton wants to just sit against the cave wall and cry. Scream in agony and hope whoever lured them down here is happy enough with Danton’s pain that they’ll let him go. 

Both flashlights remain off in a last-ditch attempt to go undetected. Pitch black darkness closes in on them the way it did when they first entered, inescapable. Danton feels along the cave walls and tries to steady his breathing. He tries to think of Sean’s face. 

_God,_ Danton thinks to himself, forcing himself to be amused instead of terrified of the inevitable. _ Why are we always running from something? _

The cave walls get more narrow. They twist and turn with nothing but the sounds of their own footsteps until a door is thrown open and the sounds echo down the cave walls. Danton isn’t sure where the sound could have come from, considering he hasn’t felt any way in or out of these tunnels since they started running, and he’s definitely been looking for one. It’s hard to tell how far they’ve run in the dark like this, but Danton swears this is the longest they’ve gone in a passageway without encountering some kind of opening to a larger space. Or a fork in a road. A window. Anything. 

As if they fell right into the trap. 

“Fuck!” Sean exclaims as he stumbles on some firewood. Danton barely stops to pick him up. He’s tired of running. 

Another door slams. And another. Metal grates against rock like nails on a chalkboard.

Light manifests in the distance after another turn, getting closer as they run but remaining dim. Something in Danton’s gut tells him that they’re not heading towards an exit. Too easy. 

Sean comes to a stop. The sound of chatter travels faintly down the tunnel, from where the light is. Like standing outside a banquet hall. Formal and unconcerned tones in contrast to their desperation. Something is waiting for them at the end of the tunnel. 

Sean turns around and tries to backtrack but only makes it a few steps before he’s met with the sounds of footsteps coming towards them. Footsteps join the burst of sound traveling Glow of flashlights bounces off the cave walls just to Danton’s left. Someone is behind them. They’re out of places to run. 

Danton’s stomach churns at the snippets of conversation and tone enclosing on him. Laughter and casual conversation, so human in a way that Danton doesn’t think is deserved for the pain he’s been put through. Things would be easier if this was a single deranged killer, an emotionless monster. He’s seen the horrors normal people can inflict on each other before, and nothing fills him with dread than the outlines of men that begin to take shape in front of him. 

Taking slow steps towards the light, Sean squeezes Danton’s hand. They had a good run.

\---- 

_ “So what do you want to do? You know, with the rest of your life?” Meredith asks Sean over a milkshake. _

_It’s their third date, happening at approximately two in the morning after Sean’s returned from an away game. Sean called Meredith three times when he was away. Worth having to beg Torey for a quarter because he couldn’t get her out of her mind. Things weren’t complicated with her, and that’s all Sean could ask for. He missed her, and she missed him, and so they decided to see each other right away when the bus rolled back into Miami University. _

_“Big talk for this hour,” Sean jokes, eyes peering gently over his coffee. “Guess I wanna do something with hockey, on the ice or in the booth. My dad knows a lot of people, so I’m sure he can help me find somewhere I fit in.” _

_“That’s it?” She replies, only half-joking._

_“Didn’t know this was an advisor meeting,” Teases Sean in return. “I don’t know, it’s hard to predict the future. I try to live in the present.” _

_“That makes sense. I kind of like to think ahead, because I don’t want to be so caught up in the present I never move on. That’s what I like about nursing, you’re kind of forced beyond the people and places you know.” _

_She stirs her milkshake, lost in thought for a moment. “But I guess nothing shapes the future like the people you go with,” _

_Her sentence is meant as a flirtation, and it worked. But it sticks in Sean’s memory as more than just a smooth line. _

Sean doesn’t know what to expect at the end of the tunnel. More filing cabinets and abandoned equipment? Aliens in glowing tubes? Mutated rats in cages? Anything is possible. He steps into the largest room they’ve encountered, shielding Danton as best he can behind him. Like that’ll help. Behind them is an ensemble of men that Sean can’t quite make out in the dark, but knows are big and strong and definitely armed. A pick your poison situation if he’s ever seen one. 

The room is modernized, compared to the other parts of the cave. Natural rock walls and pillars mixed with glass ceiling coverings for protection. Grass lays over the top of the windows, preventing natural light from getting in. Tables and cabinets are filled with glass tubes and equipment more up to date than anything the science department at Sean’s college had. Chemical vats that Sean swore only existed in comics stand three in a row in one corner. The other end of the room, which has to be at least 30 yards away, is lined with metal doors and glass windows, but Sean can’t make out what’s beyond them. 

If Sean saw a picture of this place in a textbook, he’d assume it was Harvard or something with how professional it looks. Totally different from the Silent Hill aesthetic the rest of this cave has. 

And of course, there’s the people.

Dozens of them in various personal protective equipment - goggles, aprons, some have full hazmat suits on - surround the tables, not even turning around to look at Danton and Sean as they continue to work on god knows what down here. Ten people stand in front of them. Three are in wrinkled and stained suits, standing closer than the remaining seven dressed in their own PPE combination. 

Sean’s shocked to see they’re not armed with anything. No guns, no knives. The people behind him are clearly the muscle to this whole operation. An absurd amount of weapons are revealed in the light, strapped around their waist and on their back. Still, the men seem...older than what Sean would expect for a typical bodyguard. 

One of the suits, a man standing the closest to them with white hair and a wrinkled face, smiles wide. He looks like he tries to keep up his image, but there’s clearly something disheveled in his overall appearance. Sean tightens his grip on Danton’s hand. 

“You made it!” The man says in a cheery tone, but Sean gets the feeling that this is only funny to him. 

“Who-” 

Sean tries to ask but is cut off dismissively by the man in front of him. 

“Danton,” he says, and, yeah, it probably shouldn’t surprise either of them that he knows Danton. Sean turns to Danton to see if he recognizes this guy, but Danton’s just as confused as Sean. They can make inferences. 

“You promised no tricks today,” he continues. 

“You’re right, I did.” Danton seems to know what that means, his voice oddly calm. Sean isn’t sure if Danton’s always known what was going on, if this is some kind of betrayal, if memories are starting to come back to Danton or if something happened in the past 24 hours. 

He lets go of Sean’s hand and takes a few steps closer to the guy in front of him. “But I’m not doing or going anywhere with this until you let Sean leave. Leave him out of this and you can do whatever you want with me.” 

“What? No!” cries Sean. He feels stupid for doubting Danton, even for a second. This is just like him, sacrificing himself into some great unknown for Sean before they even know their enemy or if they have a fighting chance. Sean tries to follow Danton as he walks towards the man, but the guards behind him grab him by the shoulders and yank back before he can get close to them. A warning. Sean settles down. If he plays his cards right, he might be able to get them out of this, but being restrained will make that a whole lot harder. 

Sean tries to fully process what’s going on, what exactly this all is, so he can figure out the best course of action. He thinks back to the filing cabinets, the words of ‘conditioning’ or ‘experiment’ or ‘electroshock therapy’ and looks around him. The endless machinery, people working with chemicals dangerous enough to require full-body coverage, a minimum of a hundred hospital beds in a series of tunnels. 

This is some kind of experiment, alright. One doing questionable enough things to have to hide in a cave, but also with enough staff and budget that it can’t be just some small research group gone wrong or over the top religious faction. Sean’s known enough business majors in his lifetime to know there’s something of monetary worth going on here. 

He’s also known enough science majors to know at least six ways to cause an explosion here if he can get past the group of pseudo-guards. 

The man puts his hands on either side of Danton’s face, running his fingers through his hair. Danton flinches. It makes Sean feel sick to his stomach. 

“Oh, Danton,” he starts. “Of course we weren’t going to hurt your friend. Do you really think we’d do that?” 

“Well, yeah,” Sean answers for Danton. He can’t resist trash talking, even this far from the rink. “You dragged me into a fucking tunnel and tied me up.” 

Sean can’t see Danton’s face, but he hopes the retort made him feel a little better. He feels around in his waistband for the knife used to untie him earlier as subtly as possible. The only weapon he has. 

“Sorry about that, just business, figured it was the safest way to get Danton down here,” He addresses Sean this time. “But you’re going to be fine. You have three friends who we’d have to deal with if something happened, and a family that is expecting you back.” He turns his attention back to Danton, still holding him in his hands. “Not like you, we took care of that, didn’t we? We made that mistake the first time around, but now we know no one is going to be looking for you.”

Sean gets a light grip on the cool, metal handle of the knife. Maybe he could stab the guy behind him, but they’re greatly outnumbered. He could throw it at the guy speaking, but he’d risk hurting Danton. The best option is one of the other suits standing a few feet behind Danton. They must be important enough. 

“A couple of botched therapy sessions, a couple of tips to the police station, a bit of heroin pushed on that degenerate you hung around, and that’s not a worry anymore. We both know your parents stopped including you in Christmas Cards a few years back.” 

Carefully, Sean pulls the knife out of his pocket. He tries not to make any sudden motions and keeps facing forward. Breathing even is nearly impossible but he has to keep his composure if he has any chance of making this work. 

The lady with a short blonde bob cut and sunken eyes is his target. Sean played lacrosse in high school, and he has some faith in his aim. 

“They’ll be happy not to have to explain why they have a, what did you call it? A junkie whore for a son-” 

He pulls his arm back and throws the knife in one swift motion. Guards grab him within seconds of releasing the object. 

Metal clatters against the concrete floor. Sean is pulled to the ground, arms behind his back. Ahead of him, Danton cries out, but everything happens too fast for Sean to see. 

He missed. Terribly. 

The kind of throw Jake would never let him live down if he saw it. If Sean was going to get out of here alive in the first place. 

Four guys are on Sean and preparing to restrain him again and, god, if he does make it out of here alive he’s going to have some great jokes to tell Chris about finally getting tied up by a group of men. He keeps his friends fresh in his mind, holding on to the hope that he’ll see them again. They put their faith in him, and Sean wants to make sure it wasn’t for nothing. Wants to go home and see them again more than anything else right now and although he tries to push it down, a small part of his body can’t help but feel regret for staying as he’s held against the floor. 

He’s in way over his head. 

“Don’t restrain him, it’s okay,” the man says, calm and unphased by the attempted murder. If you can even call his pathetic throw that. The guards keep a hold on Sean but he’s able to look up at his captors and see Danton being held in place by his hair, the woman Sean tried to kill holding Danton’s arms at his side. “It’s a fair complaint, Kuraly, we should cut to the chase-” 

“Just let him go, please, I promise I won’t fight,” Danton tries to keep his composure and avoid sounding too desperate in his begging, but fails as his voice falters. 

The guy holding him pays no attention to Danton, continuing his speech. “We’ve succeeded when testing this on animals,” 

To Danton’s right, the remaining woman of the three professionals takes out a lighter. 

“And on strangers,”

She brings the flame down to Danton’s forearm, hovering so the tip barely touches the skin and traces a pattern that Sean can’t quite make out but knows he’s seen before. On the trees, in the caves. Danton struggles but is unable to do much in the grasp of the other two figureheads. 

“But we haven’t seen it work with someone the subject cares about.”

Danton yells as the flame gets closer and closer to his flesh with each pattern she traces. The lighter is stronger than the ones Sean and his friends used to steal from 7/11. He wouldn’t be surprised if there’s something in there besides lighter fluid. 

His screaming gets louder. The scientists at their table continue their work without faltering, though some put in earplugs. Sean must be shouting, too, because one of the guards puts a hand over his mouth. He didn’t realize. None of this seems real. He doesn’t feel in his body. Everything feels both instant and infinite and maybe this is some kind of weird carbon monoxide death, because Danton’s screaming doesn’t sound like him anymore. Doesn’t even sound human, a mix of possessed and animalistic. Like the ones in the woods when they first got here. 

Silence fills through the room in an instant, almost harder to bear than the screaming from seconds before. Danton collapses to the ground. His body is limp and lifeless and Sean’s heart races. Did they kill him? 

Before he can ask, the leading man drags Danton up by his hair and Danton’s eyes open. His pupils are dilated beyond anything Sean’s ever seen before, and Sean’s done a lot of drugs in his life. The expression on his face is emotionless. A stark contrast to the extreme pain he was in seconds ago, but no one besides Sean seems confused.

They’re whispering something to Danton that’s too quiet for Sean to make out with his ears still ringing. Circling around Danton who’s on his knees, hands shaking at their words. 

Danton’s fists clench and his eyes look more focused as the three begin to back up from him, allowing Danton to rise to his feet. The man still has a grip in his hair as he turns to address Sean. 

“Don’t be scared-”

“Oh, well, now I’m reassured,” mocks Sean, but he’s paid no mind.

“You may like this. What you’re about to see is one of the biggest advancements of our time in technology and medicine.”

The guards begin to back off from Sean, allowing him to stand up. They block the door instead. 

“Now, I’m not going to bother explaining it to you, I doubt you’d even understand and it doesn’t matter if you did. But we stored information on this subject eight years ago and we’re going to see what he remembers.” He turns to face Danton. “How old is the woman next to you?” 

“64,” answers Danton in a monotone, glassy eyes looking off into the distance. 

Most of the scientists have begun filtering out, going behind the metal doors and lowering the curtains on the window when they get inside. If anything, they seem annoyed at having to move their work elsewhere and exchange a few whispers themselves. They don’t seem bothered. Business as usual, he supposes.

“Great! Which route is the quickest to take back to disposal seventeen?”

“Route F.” The words come out without hesitance, like he didn’t even have to think. Sean isn’t sure what the hell that means.

“Perfect. Now, can you perform plan 57 on that gentleman right there?” He points to Sean. Danton turns to him slowly and looks at him like he’s never seen him before. 

All the jargon is unfamiliar to Sean, but he can make a few guesses as to what plan 57 might be by the way Danton’s gaze locks on Sean and he begins making strides towards him at a determined pace. His fists are clenched and there’s an empty hunger in his eyes. 

“If you want your knife back, Kuraly, feel free to grab it. Anything is on the table here.” The man shouts as Sean begins backing away from Danton, clearly amused. Sean considers making a run for the knife before he realizes that’s what they want. They want to see Sean fight Danton, want to see if Danton can win against him. 

Fuck that. If he’s going to die, he’s at least going to try and mess up their little simulation or whatever while he does it. And the last thing he’s going to do is fight Danton, who he stayed behind to protect. 

“Danton, it’s okay. It’s just me. Sean, you knew me since I wore socks with flip flops. Remember how you used to tease me for it even though you’d wear the most beat-up sneakers? And you told me it was better for mud?”

Danton isn’t paying attention to anything he’s saying, robotic in all his motions. With each step a detached anger grows in him and he becomes more determined. 

He grabs a rolling cart, glass rattling as he shoves it towards Sean to try to cut him off but Sean dodges to his left and nearly hits the chemical vat. Glass shatters as the cart crashes into the wall. A few pieces fly into the vat and result in a noise that Sean can only describe as fucking unpleasant. That could have been bad.

Sean has to grab the tables to keep steady as he reverses to face Danton, pleading. “You always wanted to be outside, even on the hottest days. Little fucking scientists, but you made me like the subject. Maybe you could teach me about those plants you write about in your journal. Danton, snap out of it, it’s going to be okay, just wake up.”

Sean stumbles, lets Danton get too close to him and Danton shoves him over. Danton’s ready to pounce on top of him but strength from years of hockey come in handy. Sean rolls to his feet as quickly as he fell. Across the room, the suits watch on them, scribbling notes and dissecting from a distance. 

“We could listen to music too. I know you like folk, and my brother is dating this unreal folk singer. You remember Nick?” 

Nothing. Still the same blank expression. Sean’s heartbeat picks up and he’s careful to stay out of range of Danton’s grab. Danton picks up a beaker and throws it at Sean, who ducks out of the way pretty easily but is nearly hit as Danton follows with a graduated cylinder. Both instruments splinter with force, glass tinkling as hundreds of pieces hit the ground. The remaining people in the room seemed pleased, except for the guards who look bored out of their minds. Like they’re fucking used to murder. 

Luckily, Danton doesn’t seem to be in a hurry, coming at him with still the same mechanical movements, and it’s a big room. Maybe he can try to talk him out of it. They said this hasn’t been tested before. Maybe it’s faulty. Knowing what he’s up against would help, but Sean’s not in a position to ask for information right now. 

“Hey, Danny, please, come on-”

Danton throws a chair at Sean that misses and hits the wall. A wall Sean is getting increasingly backed into. He tries to dart to the right, but Danton kicks a table to pin him. Kind of impressive, if Danton wasn’t currently trying to murder him. 

With his back against the wall, Sean looks up at Danton towering over him. He uses one hand to pin Sean’s shoulder to the wall, the other rising to his throat. 

Sean has one last shot at this. 

“Okay, sorry, forgot you don’t like to be called that. You know Chris called you Smokey the Bear? You remember Chris, right? Boston accent, gives me shit all the time. Usually his taste sucks, but he did like you. What if I brought you back to Columbus and you could tell him how the Canucks are better than the Bruins.” 

For the first time, Danton hesitates. His face softens ever so slightly, mouth going agap as he blinks a few times, but swallows and goes back in for the kill. 

“You could meet his boyfriend, maybe see my mom again. She still talks about you, you know. You were always a favorite for Jane.” 

Sean’s aware that he’s crying now, tears prickling at the corner of his eyes, but he’s about to die, so he cuts himself some slack. He’s not sure if Danton really faltered as he put his hand loosely around Sean’s neck, but Sean would like to think he did. At least that’ll give Sean some comfort in his final moments.

A wide grin crosses the ringleader’s face as he steps closer to them to witness his years of hard work. Close enough that Sean considers spitting on him or trying to gasp out a fuck you. Danton hasn’t really begun to suffocate him, so maybe he could get a few spiteful words in.

Danton doesn’t move. He blinks rapidly, and his breaths are more shallow, but he hasn’t given any indication that he recognizes Sean. The expressionless look is still there. 

“Come on, it’ll be great. You could see Ollie too, he’s still kicking, even though he’s an old bastard. See the dog that gave the falls its name, though he likes Chris more than he likes me,” Sean tries. “Come on, Danton, wake up, look at me, please.” 

Removing his hand from around Sean’s throat, Danton traces along Sean’s cheek with his thumb. Their captor is pressed against them at this point, but by the time he puts what’s happening together, it’s too late. 

Danton yanks a knife out of his breast pocket and stabs the man in the suit in the neck with one swift motion.

\---- 

_ Danton looks up at the sky and sees a reflection of the forest. Earthly greens from pine trees and the brown of soil mix like clothes in the washing machine. Stars sprinkle down as gentle as the first snowfall, but Danton can’t hear where they land. He can only hear the sounds of footsteps behind him. _

_“Hey! Wait up!” Sean yells from a few feet back. “I thought I’d never find you, fuck. Don’t even have the north star to get directions from anymore.” _

_A wave of calm washes over Danton as he turns to face Sean. His eyes are shining blue against the murky mix in the sky, smile as kind as ever. No matter how sarcastic or stubborn Sean could be at times, his smile is too pure for Danton to ever doubt his intentions. _

_“I didn’t know you were looking for me,” Danton’s shy in his reply. _

_“Every time we’re apart I look for you, don’t be ridiculous,” Sean teases. _

_The two men walk along a path that’s both new to Danton and familiar. He can’t remember if they walked along this route as kids. No animals are out, and no birds fly overhead. An abandoned forest. Danton’s unsure if there’s any way out, but he isn’t worried about it. Time feels infinite where they are, and running is pointless. _

_“Hey, check it out, it’s the same pond that was near your parents’ cabin,” Sean points out. _

_“That thing was the dirtiest body of water I’ve ever seen.”_

_“You think that’s because of the kid in the nearby cabin who kept playing in it?” _

_Danton gives a friendly elbow jab back before replying “hey, I had siblings who could be just as guilty.”_

_Glittering gold from the stars sits atop the mud and fills the area where water once was. Must have dried up. Nothing lasts forever. _

_Sean turns to him and smiles. _

“Remember how you used to tease me for it but then you’d wear the most beat up sneakers? And you told me it was better for mud?”

_ “Tease you for what?” Danton scrunches his eyebrows. _

_“Huh?” _

_“You just said…” Danton trails off. Maybe he misheard. “It’s nothing, you just sounded off for a second there.”_

_Sean shrugs and walks back to the path, Danton trailing behind him. The clothes he’s wearing stick out to Danton, like he’s seen them before but can’t place where. A shirt with a name and number on the back for a sports team but not one Danton’s ever seen before. Blues and reds that Sean looks good in. He always does. _

_“What d’ya call this?” Asks Sean, leaning down and caressing a white flower with four delicate petals. _

_Danton kneels beside him to get a better look. “It’s a Syringa, or Philadelphus Lewisii,” he’s not sure how he knows that, but the answer came instantly. “If you sniff it, they smell like an orange. Idaho’s state flower.”_

_“If it’s the Idaho state flower, why’d they name it after Philadelphia?” _

_Failing to come up with the real answer for that one, Danton says “Probably doesn’t love Idaho back.”_

_Sean looks impressed but beams at Danton rather than the flower in his hand. _ “Maybe you could teach me about those plants you write about in your journal. Danton, snap out of it, it’s going to be okay, just wake up.” __

_Danton jolts away from Sean like he’s been burnt. “Excuse me?” _

_“What?”_

_“You told me to wake up.”_

_“No I didn’t. You feeling alright?” Concern laces Sean’s voice, staring at Danton like there’s something wrong with him, and maybe there is. The color in the sky gets darker, an unnatural navy. _

_They continue walking, but the silence of the woods doesn’t seem so comforting anymore and Danton’s filled with unease. Sean doesn’t seem frazzled at all, rambling away again but Danton’s too busy focusing on the fact that he can’t hear their footsteps anymore. _

_He’s wearing khakis, and Danton realizes he’s actually in a uniform for something he can’t remember being a part of. A name badge on the button up shirt says Heinen but he can’t think of where he got these clothes from. They look boyscout-esque, but Danton’s not even American. _

_“Hey, remember when we found that map? Or, well, you found it, I don’t want to steal your hard work,” says Sean, getting Danton’s attention again. _

_ Danton’s stomach twists in knots. He doesn’t like it here anymore. “Yeah, it was like...symbols, and coordinates, and stuff. Some weird code. I was able to figure some of it out on the way home, I don’t know if I ever told you. We knew the woods so well it wasn’t hard to put it together.”_

_ “No one knew the forest better than us, not even those rangers” Sean grins, then stops in his tracks. “They never found you, did they? I mean, they suspected the caves, but they didn’t know about the tunnels. Why would they? That’s crazy, a whole tunnel system underneath what’s supposed to be one of the most untouched pieces of nature? No wonder the pond water looks like shit.” _

_ “Sean, what-”_

_ “That’s where you found it, right? The trap door? That’s where you found them. You recognized the pond on that map because you walked by it every day. They can only have cabins like these out here due to the underground infrastructure, but no one fucking questions it. So-called forest experts couldn’t figure it out before a fourteen year old.”_

_ Danton begins to cry. His heart beats loud in his ears but Sean is louder. “Please stop, I can’t do this. I can’t…”_

_ “You have to, Danton, or they’ll kill us both. You know why they still have an active fire lookout out here when it’s usually done remotely by rangers now? I know you do. Not even the park service really does, but you do. You overheard it when they kept you awake for days. They have so much flammable shit in here that one forest fire happens and...boom.” _

_ A fire lookout. Like the uniform he’s wearing with the carefully embroidered flame badge on the forearm. _

_ “I don’t know what you want me to do. I don’t know what this is. ” Blinking back tears, Danton crosses his arms. The inside of his head feels so loud, like Sean is speaking into a megaphone that’s somehow inside him. _

_ “Just look at me. Look for a second.” _

_Sean grabs both of Danton’s hands with all the love and care in the world and takes a few steps forward. Danton is hesitant to follow but drags his feet until they emerge past the treeline and at the waterfall. They’ve been here a hundred times before but it’s different now, like they’re somewhere that time doesn’t touch and are both old and young at the same time. _

_“I want to bring you back to Columbus with me, and we can get away from this. I just need your help.”_

_“Whatever you want,” Danton says. More than he wants to get away from this, he wants to get away from this with Sean on the other side. _

__ “Come on, it’ll be great. You could see Ollie too, he’s still kicking, even though he’s an old bastard. See the dog that gave the falls its name, though he likes Chris more than he likes me-” __

_Danton grabs a fistful of his hair as his head throbs with pain and tries not to scream. Everything is too loud again. Not only is Sean’s voice inside his head but amplified through sky, in the place of the rushing water or the call of the animals. He settles on the easiest question, “Who’s Chris?”_

_Instead of speaking, Sean lightly taps Danton’s breast pocket with his index finger. Is he Chris? _

_He feels at the spot where Sean taps, finding an object tucked into his pocket. _

__ “Come on, Danton, wake up, look at me, please.”

It’s a knife. He has a knife still. Danton’s holding Sean down but Sean is not who he’s going to kill. A weight is lifted from his chest and he feels like he’s breathing on his own rather than through someone else's body. Stubble decorates Sean’s face and Danton realizes how much he’s grown up, impossibly bright blue eyes that aren’t dimmed by the bags Sean now sports under them. 

Danton can’t hear the chatter from the older, greying man that hovers so close that Danton smell the chemicals on his unwashed suit. He can’t hear Sean begging for his life, or even the sound of his own heartbeat. All of his senses overwhelm to the point of shutting down. He isn’t sure where he is or what’s happening. The only guidance he has is instructions from a distant memory, the voice of the man who gave Danton his only weapon. 

_ “I think we both would do what we have to to keep him safe.” _

Danton pulls the knife from his pocket and plunges it into the neck of the man next to him. 

Then, he pulls the knife out and does it again. And again. And again. A burning sensation limits his vision, making it harder to see but doesn’t stop Danton from shredding the man’s throat. Liquid begins to coat his hand and make it harder to hold a grip.

People are sprinting towards him. Their mouths are open, presumably screaming, but Danton can’t hear over the sound of his ears ringing. He’ll kill every one of them if it means this will end. Danton’s not sure what he’s fighting against but he knows he’ll do whatever it takes to get out of here. 

A group of people on the other side of the room scream and Danton looks up at them with eight years of unfiltered rage. He’s never been an angry man, but there’s only so far you can push someone. If they’re going to charge him, Danton likes his chances with his knife in hand.

But they’re not screaming at Danton. Well, maybe they were, but not anymore. 

A chemical vat is on fire and Sean’s sprinting towards him telling him to run. 

Danton hovers over the dead body on the floor, legs shaking. He can’t catch his breath and the cave is on fire. Blood smears across the floor as he tries to push himself up but his hands are soaked. Sean hauls Danton up from under his arms and begins to guide him towards the exit. He doesn’t know where he is, or who he is, but he trusts Sean with everything in him and follows his lead. 

Everything is mechanical at this point, just watching Sean ahead of him and following his footsteps. Focusing on one foot in front of the other and the motions of both running and breathing and not collapsing. The plan is working well enough to get them away from most of the scientists, twisting and turning at Sean’s discretion. Danton can’t remember much right now but it’s starting to come back to him and he knows that’s not usually Sean’s strong suit. What a time for it to come through. 

Too much thinking about Sean and not enough on running. Danton falls to the ground and doesn’t even realize until his face hits the floor and he tastes blood in his mouth. Smoke is spreading fast and he can’t see anything. 

“Fuck, Danton, come on,” Sean picks him up and balances him around his shoulder as they keep walking, at a slower pace this time. “Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.” 

Metallic liquid continues to fill Danton’s mouth, the only thing he can think about as the smoke engulfs them and running becomes involuntary. 

“Take the next left, there's going to be some shelves against one of the walls. Climb it.”

Sean looks at Danton like he has three heads. 

“Trust me, it’s going to…it’s near the old pond. My cabin. It’s how I got down here the first time.”

“Fuck it, yeah. I trust you. I do.” 

Danton’s not even sure if he trusts himself, following his own line of thought is too hard. They’re less than an eighth of a mile from the exit but running is getting harder with each step. Sean is stronger than Danton, but carrying a grown man and trying not to inhale smoke and burning chemicals is slowing them down. 

Staying conscious is a challenge for Danton. His body is exhausted from...whatever the hell just happened to him. Too much to unpack at the moment. The walls are getting harder to see even with flashlights and he worries that he won’t be able to identify the exit or be conscious by the time they arrive. They can hardly see a foot in front of them. 

Part of Danton wants to tell Sean to leave him, but he knows Sean never would. No point in wasting energy on that argument right now. 

Danton knows the exit before he sees it. Something deeply ingrained in his head guiding him the same way he can still drive from his home to his high school without really thinking about it. “Here,” a one word explanation is all Danton can muster up the energy for. 

“Wrap your arms around my waist,” directs Sean. “This is going to suck, but we’re going to get through it.”

It may have sucked, but Danton can’t tell. He can’t feel anything besides the warmth of Sean’s body against his and smoke entering his chest, filling his lungs. All his focus goes into holding on.

As soon as fresh air hits them and Sean flops on to the grass, Danton gives in. 

He hopes Sean makes it out so this could be worth something in the end.

\--- 

_ It’s the kind of establishment they never would have gone to. A pianist playing in the corner, white marble floors, nice clothes. Hell, it’s the kind of establishment that would have kicked them out had they tried to enter, but Danton and Eric sit side by side, unbothered at the center of the floor. _

_ The lights are too dim to see anyone besides themselves and they both look too healthy for this to be a memory. They stand somewhere between a dream and reality. _

_ “They really roughed you up back there, huh?” Eric opens up the conversation. _

_ “Shut up,” Danton replies, smiling against his better judgement. “Like you haven’t gotten beat up.”_

_ “Yeah, but that’s normal for me. I’m just saying, I knew you had it in you to go all _Terminator_ like that.” _

_ No one thought he had it in him besides Eric. Danton’s spent his life enduring pain and inflicting it on the wrong people in cowardly ways. Maybe it was delusion, or absolution of guilt, but Eric always thought Danton was more capable than he really is. _

_“We always knew only one of us would make it out. You’re probably the only person who bet on me,” Danton settles on. _

_ “Danny, you know I’m good at gambling.” With a pause, Eric changes his tone to be more serious. “But you gotta do me a favor, if you’re gonna be the one who gets to ride off into the sunset.” _

_ “What’s that?” _

_ Eric puts his index finger under Danton’s chin, lifting up his head gently so they’re making eye contact. “I want you to enjoy it. Even when it hurts. Even when the nightmares are bad or you’re craving again. If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for me. If not for me, well, I can’t blame you for that, find some better people that will help you get some peace. And on the days you can’t find peace...do it out of spite. You got that?”_

_ A sentiment that’s rich coming from the guy who had seen how bad Danton’s mental state was. Still is. Danton isn’t fond of the statement. “You think I chose this? Being kidnapped? Tortured? Brainwashed? They fucking - you know they gave me drugs? They got me addicted. It wasn’t you.”_

_ “No, you know I don’t think that. What I’m saying is, if they want you dead - God, the cops, some motherfuckers in a lab - they’ll kill you. Who knows if we can stop them. if we do, I’m sure the next murderers will step up in their place. But if they’re gonna kill us, I’m not spending the rest of my days trying to reason with them or planning my funeral. And neither should you, cause you got more in you than you realize. Go see the rest of California. Bring your new boy.”_

_ The words have an uncharacteristic responsibility to them, something that should have set Danton off that this isn’t _ really _ Eric. This is who Danton wishes Eric could have been. The person he needed when he was a troubled kid. _

_For now, Danton will close his eyes and lean his head against Eric’s shoulder and pretend he got something out of this. Out of any of it. At a later date, he can come to terms with how senseless everything was and continues to be. _

_ “I’m scared,” Danton says. He’s scared to go back out there, back to the real world. The worst may be behind him but more awaits in a universe that never cared. _

_ “I’m not going to lie to you-”_

_“That’s a first,” laughs Danton, only a little venom in the words. No time to dwell on regrets in this space. _

_“Some of the days are gonna suck, and sometimes they're gonna suck often, and it’s not gonna be fair. But optimism doesn’t have to mean being complacent or pretending everything is fine, it can be finding the right things to fight for, or the right people to believe in.”_

_He traces a thumb against Danton’s cheek, an uncanny ability to know when Danton is going to cry. As if he were a real boyfriend. _

_“I don’t know if the right people exist. I don’t know if I’m any good for them,” Danton admits. _

_“I found you. Even if it didn’t save me in the end. We had some good times, I think. But don’t be selfish like I was with you. That’s probably what got me.” He moves his hand to stroke a loose strand of Danton’s hair behind his ear. “But you have another chance.” _

_Danton has nothing to say to that. Burying his head further into Eric’s shoulder and closing his eyes tight, he takes in the music that hasn’t changed the entire conversation and the comfort of the darkness. _

_He wants to stay. Somewhere, deep down, he knows he can’t, but Danton doesn’t think he’ll ever be ready for what’s ahead of him. _

_“Danton,” Eric whispers. Danton looks up at him again. “It’s time to wake up now.” _

\--- 

“Try not to shift his legs too much.”

Several pairs of hands have a hold on his arms but the touch is gentle and Danton doesn’t have the energy to fight them.

\--- 

He feels cold. Freezing. That’s all Danton can feel.

Weight is added on top of his body, eventually. He can rest now.

\---

Everything aches. The obnoxiously bright overhead lights hurt Danton’s eyes. He’s both sweaty and cold and he’s not sure what it is, but he knows something is wrong with his legs. Something is different. 

Danton stays like that for a few minutes, processing this information and looking around but not moving. Someone else is in the room with him but he can’t tell who. If he moves, it’s game over, and he’s going to have to go back to the real world. Figure out where the fuck he is and who he’s with. 

Well. It’s going to happen eventually. He tries to sit up. 

“Oh, are you awake?” A familiar voice calls from the corner of the room. A figure that Danton can’t quite make out beyond being another person but after blinking a few times recognizes the park ranger outfit and knows it’s an adult male. Danton rubs his eyes and looks closer. 

Backes sits in an armchair with the newspaper on his lap. Hanging above Backes is a small TV playing the local news and that's when Danton starts to put it together. All the walls are an off white color. The sheets are white too. He’s in a hospital. 

“I…” Danton begins. He rips the sheet off of his body. Covering his legs is gauze from his ankles to just above his knees, white like the sheets and the walls of the hospital. 

Backes seems to pick up on Danton’s struggle and fills in the details for him. “You did good work back there, firing the alarm bell as quickly as you did. In my ten years I’ve never seen a fire like that. They think it might have been chemical induced, but no one figured that out until after they tried to use water.”

Danton blinks at him.

“You really did good, kid. They needed all the help they could get, especially clearing people from the area.”

Only he wasn’t in the tower. Danton hadn’t been there all day, he remembers that now. Who sounded the alarm? And if they think he was helping clear people from the area, they found him where he can remember being last. 

Near the canyon. Escaping from...he can’t put a name to that. He was escaping with Sean. 

Fuck. He doesn’t know what happened to Sean. 

“Where’s Sean?”

“Who?” Backes answers, and Danton’s stomach drops. “Oh, is that the camper you were with?”

Danton didn’t tell anyone about Sean staying with him. No one would know that they knew each other. “Yeah, his name was, uh, he told me his name was Sean. Sean Kuraly.”

“He made it out okay, got some burns on his arms and legs, in a similar condition to you. Wouldn’t have been if you didn’t sound that alarm so quick.”

Bits and pieces of the last few days hit Danton in waves. Waking up next to firewood. Finding Sean tied up. Someone grabbing his hair. Going through piles of paperwork. Running with Sean time and time again. The knife. 

No evidence will exist to prove it one way or the other, but Danton knows it was Annabell who sounded that alarm. She had been in the tower before and he can feel it in whatever brainwashed intuition they were forced to develop in that fucked up lair. At least one positive came out of the whole thing. 

Backes takes Danton’s silence as a cue to continue. “They sent him back to Ohio in a chopper once he stabilized. Wanted him to be with his family. He stayed conscious through most of it, tried to come say goodbye but you were out like a light. Don’t blame you with those burns.”

Tears blur Danton’s vision. Crying in front of Backes is the last thing Danton wants but he doesn’t care enough to stop himself. Sean is gone, and Danton is left with nothing but a body and mind he’ll never have full ownership over. 

Who do you turn to when you don’t even have yourself? The thought of going home makes his stomach churn. He wishes he burned alive.

Danton thinks he’ll go back to Vancouver and pick up heroin again until he eventually dies from that. Maybe he’ll pick a fight with the wrong people, or maybe he’ll just go out one of the boring ways like carbon monoxide poisoning because these exciting close calls aren’t especially effective. 

Maybe this is his eternal punishment, to have to live out a life he has no control over. Stuck in a body that’s a permanent reminder of the fact that he can’t change anything. 

“Hey, kid, it’s okay,” Backes stands over him, a paper cup of water in his hands. Danton didn’t even notice Backes through his sobs. The words carry parental kindness that he hasn’t heard in years and didn't realize how much he missed. 

The days are oddly boring for having just been rescued from a forest fire, but maybe that’s just the numbness of it all. Danton’s family comes by the next morning with Hallmark cards decorated in crosses and candy he doesn’t like. They’re staying at a nearby hotel until they get a clearer picture of his recovery timeline or a way to get him back to Vancouver, but the doctors say he may need to stay here for physical therapy and recommend grief counseling. Frequent crying outbursts have made the doctor nervous, but Danton’s family barely bats an eye. 

Representatives from the National Park Service come the same night and grant Danton an award for his heroic efforts on duty. He hopes he gets to talk to Sean again, because telling him that he got an award for stopping a fire that Danton technically helped start will be hilarious. The Park Service also informs him that they’re covering his medical expenses, and will sponsor him if he chooses to stay after fire season is over and get trained in other areas of forestry upkeep. Part of the offer comes from the worry that Danton’s going to sue, but he’s not going to argue.

Danton watches court shows with Backes and listens to his sisters tell stories about college and feels nothing most of the time. Better than when he feels sadness so intense he can’t keep his food down. He lives hour by hour. 

On day four, Backes comes in with a thick manila envelope under one arm and a small coffee for Danton in the other.

“Hey, Heinen, that kid you helped in the fire sent this over. Must be one hell of a thank you note,” he places both items on the tray table.

Why Sean would send him the world's heaviest envelope is beyond him, but the fact that Sean sent him _ anything _ sparks hope in Danton that he hasn’t felt in days. Someone knows what Danton knows, and they don’t hate him, and even sent...a gift? Whatever this is. 

Not just anyone, either. It’s Sean. The man Danton searched through cave ruins for hours looking for, and the man who lit a chemical fire in a national, flammable forest to save Danton’s life. Who he wants to get burgers with and sing Spice Girls songs for during karaoke, someday. A future worth seeing. 

Danton rips open the top of the envelope to a thick stack of white papers staring back at him. On top is a blue post-it note with only two sentences written on it. 

“ _ I grabbed this before the fire, but didn’t read it. It’s yours to decide what you want to do with it.  
614-520-5928 / gooseboy9@hotmail.com / Sean _ “

Thick black letters across the top of the page tell Danton what he already knows.

He tucks the post-it note into a safe place and begins to read his own file.

\---- 

** Abstract **

Previous attempts to control human perceptions and rationale have failed to produce long-lasting effects. The dominant explanation for nonperformance is attributed to dependence solely on hallucinogenics to control the subjects’ senses while failing to alter behavior. Project Iceberg believes absolute control over another human being is possible not only during the course of experimentation, but can lay dormant for an entire lifetime, activated at will. The project seeks a new method of thought reform that prioritizes longevity, predictability, and public secrecy. After several trials, a hybrid of drug-induced control and coercive persuasion produced reprogrammed subjects unaware of what occurred…

The ultimate question: How to make the perfect sleeper agent among regular citizens, to control someone without them being controlled?

…the only way to properly unite a nation is by force ...exploring chemical dependencies and somatosensory associations in hopes of overriding free will…following the failures of recent wars and issues with drafting…

...First experiment in Seattle...dispersed to remote locations to avoid suspicion... sample size of 500 meant to reflect the population of the pacific northwest region of the United States…. Idaho Panhandle branch…100 subjects, 45% of them in the 12-25 age range...National Park Service Director is the only NPS worker permitted to know of operations, with limited information about what will be studied...controlled burns used as body disposal for participant failure...

...Subjects complete obstacle courses designed to push physical boundaries of safety and discourage empathy...the project hopes to reach a new level of physical and emotional ability through the use of medication and the threat of punishment. Negative repercussions include withholding sleep for 72 hours, isolation, electrical shocks, 12-hour sensory deprivation. Subjects are exposed to subliminal messaging during coercive persuasion where a set of symbols coordinate to an expected response, whether fulfilling a physical request or emotional reaction…positive reinforcement in the form of opioids...

...Once successful, experiment replicated to include violent tasks such as killing animals during obstacle course..initial pushback expected, increase negative repercussions, implement a new set of signals. Cut off opioids to subjects who refuse to complete…

...Third experiment entails use of electroconvulsive therapy and withholding sleep to erase conscious memories. Bring subjects back on various courses with hopes subliminal messaging will allow subjects to complete the course purely subconsciously…

...Once three trials are passed, subjects are released back to normal lives...monitor ability to assimilate…supervision to ensure the project is not compromised, see defamation toolkit (file 172-F) used if subjects’ memories risk resurfacing. Manipulate the surroundings and ensure the safety of both the project and the subjects…

...Subjects brought back in 7-10 years for retrials...among completion, the project can go to a larger rollout…”

** Profile **

Name: Danton Heinen  
Birthday: 07/05/1979  
Branch: #3  
Frontal lobe operation: N  
Chemical Injection: Y

...Subject D. Heinen is an unanticipated participant, but a perfect subject. Heinen’s family owns property in the Panhandle National Forest. Stumbled into our operations on the night of 6/22/1993. US Intelligence advised against immediate disposal due to Canadian citizenship

To maintain relations, Intelligence Officer Anderson arranged with parents for Heinen to be a candidate for Project Iceberg in exchange for an eventual return. Agreed to take care of all investigations if parents did not pursue the case once the child was returned and not inform the child of the arrangement.

Heinen is 14 years old at the start of his involvement with Project Iceberg. Ideal participant due to pre-existing athletic abilities, no behavioral issues. Willingness to listen to authority. Young age desired for coercive persuasion. Unlike others involved in the earliest stage of the project, Heinen is an active member of his community. Actions will be taken to discredit him and ensure the project will not be at risk if the subject does not take to conditioning…

** Year One **

-Particularly affected by symbols #31-65 and location-based symbols...when trance begins to wear off during a trial, symbol #39 restarts conditioning….symbols #40-49 used to help navigate...symbols #50-59 used to give commands…

-Highly affected by threats to family and sleep control

-Heinen is religious, and hallucinations often follow suit. Dr. Callaway uses manipulation as a tactic, causing the subject to believe he’s on mission from God…

-Sample routes A through I ingrained through repetition during isolation, played during sleep after periods of artificial insomnia. Includes locations of disposals, including controlled burn areas.

-Punishment administered on day #10 for attempting to escape with subject A. Parker...

-Easily manipulated by narcotics

** Year Two **

-Failure to return to normal life

-Distrust from other community members

-No further engagement in athletics...

** Year Three **

-Began using marijuana, cocaine recreationally

-Worrying progress or signs of memory recovery in therapy files

-Project manager hired community members to introduce opioids to Heinen’s partner in hopes of indirectly supplying Heinen...

** Year Six **

...Strained relationship with parents... follows route #43 frequently when unconscious... loss of faith…near suicide attempt...

** Year Eight **

-Arranged for arrest to organize tighter management of Heinen and eventual return... Dr. Marksman to occupy rehab facility

-Job as fire lookout created. Heinen will be the 29th subject to return.

-3 other participants have passed away...Subject A. Parker has disappeared…

-Unexpected return of participants' former friend, Dr. Callaway notes it may be an advantage...effective leverage and manipulation tactic…

-Heinen most heavily affected by disposal areas, symbols still influential...

-Subject A. Parker was spotted in Heinen’s firetower, Heinen was not there…

-Callaway has advised that the former friend of Heinen’s will be used in the fourth trial, a test to see if conditioning has fully maintained throughout the experiment course. Assessment will use execution (plan #57) of another human being...Callaway notes the personal connection makes an effective test…

...If successful, Heinen will be one of the first to successfully complete Project Iceberg and will be transported to the counterintelligence center 902.

\--- 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> theres an epilogue up! posted side by side with this chapter so make sure not to skip it


	5. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue

Sean’s hair is a mess. The rain is coming down hard in Athens, Ohio, drenching Sean in the two minutes it took to walk from his car to the diner. Last time he was here, Chris drove Sean and the guys down to watch a college football game. The four nearly got banned from the stadium. 

One of his only sober memories from that night is eating at this diner, so it was the first place that popped in Sean’s head when Danton asked if he wanted to meet for lunch in Athens. 

A year has passed since Sean last saw Danton. 

Meeting up isn’t completely out of the blue, they’ve exchanged emails and phone calls that got more and more frequent as time passed. The first two months were hard, Sean didn’t hear a single word from Danton, leaving it up to the other man to decide if and when he wanted to talk again. It wasn’t until October that Danton sent the first email after months of physical and mental therapy. 

Life went on, and they stayed in contact. Danton informed him that he had just graduated from an extensive outpatient program, and Sean had signed up for grad school. They started calling each other on the phone when Sean would be up late studying and Danton was working weird hours getting trained in forestry. Sometimes they’d talk about the fire, and sometimes they’d talk about Jeopardy. Sean isn’t sure what it is, but Danton’s the only person he could talk about both trivial things and nearly dying within the same night and not feel weird. Between them was a shared secret, a horrific experience, but there’s also something more. 

Sean takes a table in the back of the room where he has a clear view of the door. He sees Danton walking up from the window as soon as the clock strikes noon, and Sean wouldn’t be surprised if Danton sat in his car waiting so he wouldn’t be early. 

A weight that Sean didn’t realize he’s been carrying for a year is lifted as soon as Danton walks in the door. Seeing him is like having an epiphany, like getting the answers to questions he didn’t know he had. 

“Hey,” Danton smiles, shy with his hands stuffed in his pockets, and fuck. Sean’s missed him. A lot. 

“Can I…” with all that they’ve been through together, there probably isn’t a need to be reserved. “Is it cool if I hug you?” 

Instead of answering, Danton leans over the table to fulfill the request. He’s not as fragile as when Sean last saw him. Face no longer gaunt, more color in his eyes, even Danton’s hair is healthier. 

“You look great, for real,” Sean starts as he sits back down. “Chris is going to try to get you to help him work out when he sees you.” 

Danton laughs. “The secret is to spend the winter plowing snow and moving logs, he’s free to join me.” 

“How’s the move going?” Asks Sean. The whole reason they’re able to meet up is Danton’s new job, some kind of forestry coordination or wildlife management in Wayne National Forest. He’s said the title to Sean a million times, but Sean doesn’t know shit about nature and forgets every time. 

“Going alright, park service helped me set up in Huntington, which is good cause my legs get stiff if I walk up too many flights of stairs,” Danton sighs. 

The waitress comes by to take their order, both opting for coffee. Danton drinks his black and laughs at Sean’s precise sugar and milk additions, earning Danton a friendly kick under the table. 

If Sean looks closely, he can see the toll that the past ten years have taken on Danton. Not as obvious as they were the last time they saw each other, but enough that Sean can pick up on them. The way Danton is wearing long sleeves and jeans in the summer heat, or bags under his eyes from irregular sleep. From what Sean knows, there are more good days, but the bad days still linger. 

“How are classes?” Danton says once the waitress has stepped away. 

“Still weird as shit to be doing something entirely different, but I wanted to wait until I saw you in person to tell you I got an internship.”

A smile flashes across Danton’s face. “Congratulations! Where’s the lucky place?”

“Helping out a social worker at a middle school. The pay sucks and the hours suck but I need experience.” Sean explains, chewing on a toothpick. Originally, Sean was planning to never step foot in a classroom again after graduation. But he hated his degree, and his physical therapist in the hospital talked him into checking out some programs in social work, saying he’d be perfect for it. One thing led to another and Sean ended up in a masters program to the surprise of everyone, especially himself. 

“You’re going to be the best social worker ever. Every single one I had as a kid would fall asleep during sessions and smelled like cigars.” 

“Guess this is a bad time to tell you about my narcolepsy and tobacco habit...” 

Danton fails to hold back a laugh. “I’m just saying, you’re young and, you know, full of life, if I had you as a caseworker growing up I may actually have turned out well adjusted.” 

Sean crosses his arms and adjusts his poster, over exaggerating a polished demeanor. “Danton, are you trying to say that if your caseworkers were cute you would have actually paid attention in therapy?”

“Shut up,” Danton fakes a pout. “Maybe. Probably.” 

Both burst into a fit of laughter, and Sean is hesitant to ruin it by breaching a heavier subject. 

“Have you found a therapist here yet?”

“Yeah, had my first session with her last week. Brought the cat with me, too. You gotta meet her.” 

The very first email Sean received from Danton after the fire was of his new cat, a feral looking furball hiding in the back of a carrier. Something Danton’s therapist recommended for paranoia and anxiety, and it must be working because Danton spends five minutes gushing about her every phone call. 

“Only if you come see the guys again,” Sean replies.

“They don’t hate me for nearly getting you killed?” Danton asks, half serious in his worry. 

“What? No! They think you’re, like, a badass or something.” 

Danton raises an eyebrow. “And you don’t?” 

“I’m your biggest fan, you know that. I’m just saying they’re close behind me. Chris says we both owe him drinks for the rest of our lives, though.” 

As much as Sean worried, the conversation comes so naturally with Danton. The two had gone to hell and back with each other, for each other, but beyond that, Sean just wants to hang out with Danton. He wants to hear Danton’s calm voice ask questions about baseball and poke fun at the announcers. He wants to take Danton bowling. 

A lot of things aren’t easy for Sean. Fire makes him flinch. His therapist thinks his distrust of authority is paranoia because he can’t tell her honestly what he’s seen, and he knows Danton struggles with the same. Several times, Danton’s called him in the middle of the night with nightmares so bad he doesn’t know where he is. Medication and therapy for both of them have fluctuated rapidly over the past few months. 

Doing the right thing comes at an unfair cost. Most things aren’t easy anymore. Talking with Danton still is. 

Sean reaches his hand across the table, holding his palms open for Danton to take, and he does. Keeping his hands steady through the nerves is hard, but Sean is ready to take some risks. 

“I missed you. I really, really missed you.”

“I did, too,” a flustered Danton replies. “I talked about you to everyone. I think the other guys in my outpatient program back in Idaho knew you by name.” 

“I was thinking, I’ve kissed you a few times, but I’ve never gotten to take you out. Properly. It doesn’t have to be right now, or tomorrow or anything, I know you still have a lot to work through, but if you wanted to-” 

Danton interrupts Sean’s nervous babbling, something he’s used to by now.

“How about we get dinner next Thursday? Maybe we can swing by Chris’ after,” suggests Danton. 

Sean’s spent a lot of his life worrying about choosing between what’s easy and what’s right. What happened in the forest isn’t the last time he’ll be in that situation. Social work will put him in that position time and time again. 

But right now, he’s lucky. The easy thing is the right thing, and he gets to choose Danton.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again thank you to everyone who helped me with this, especially Mo and Crypt for being there the entire time and all my friends! Reach out to powerfulantidote on Tumblr for any questions or message on here


End file.
